(no subject)
im finally feeling it, the burden of your absence. it's love and hate, the burden of your absence. im the flame slowly flickering into nothing, succumbing to his fate readily, and yet depressingly in love. i'm finally understanding the loneliness whith which my future will be wrought. i see the grace and sacrifice of being forgotten. i feel the fear. fear of never living through half-hearted dreams. it seems a nasty trick my mind is playing on my heart, this conviction driving me toward isolation. no one has the words for me, to show me how to avoid the impending devastation that will be my life. i wonder if im not already there. is this the cross-roads where i decide? it seems to be a crux in my existence. decide. in the end no one knows. no one knows what is best for you. no one can tell you in which direction you'll find absolution, though they may think they know. absolution is all i ask. she is my absolution. she is my heart, my home. she is where i can be excited and calm without fear of any reprocussions. in her presence i feel clean and worthy. in her arms i feel eternity whispering in my ear, it's gentle conversation soothes my heart and mind. she completes me. she binds me together into one man and holds me steadfast, so i can, in turn, hold her. so i am strong enough to be her shoulder, her ear, her smile when she's sad, her grace and memory when she grows old and forgetful, her joy, her love... everything and nothing. i want to bring her soup when she's sick, hold her hand when she's in pain. i want to look into her eyes and say i love you, i dream of you. i never lived until i met you.