what is up with me lately
Something has gone awry. I can seriously tell. All of a sudden I find myself completely wrapped up in popculture websites such as this one. I actually had an itch to get on here and write something for everybody to see. Obviously I don't do the live journal thing cause if I were to ever write down my deepest darkest thought, it would not be for the whole world to see. Maybe this isn't a bad thing though. Its a great way to get feedback on your problems. Ok so lets talk about the real reason I'm on here and why I feel the need to chat it up as they say. For starters, I am still a virgin, a true blue one of a kind, cherry still intact virgin. I'm also 22 years old. Why do guys find this so hard to believe. Is it so hard to believe that not everybody is wrapped up in sex these days. I understand that in this day in age, sex is everywhere and its the norm thing to do but DAMN GINA! back the fuck up off the subject would you. For starters why do I have to explain myself to a guy everytime he asks. It's a long story and very personal. Leave me alone about it. Also why do guys automatically assume that they are going to get sex from me. I had a guy over one night and while we we're lying in bed together (first mistake) he whispers in my half asleep ear, "Can me have sex?" Hell no we can't have sex! Be glad that you got this far. I mean really what part of not comfortable with the subject don't you understand. It's really very simple. Some things happened, I don't want to talk about them, and they've made me question my readiness to join sexhood (which is adulthood plus sex). I just wish I could meet a guy that for once didn't think with the little stick hanging inbetween his legs. Is that too much to ask? And then...oh yeah everybody needs to know this. So my sexual experience has gone as far as a hand job and yes I have been eaten out (SHUT UP TARA! Pick the jaw off the floor ). Details are a little skeetchy but I do remember my whole body shaking and no that was not because of a orgasm. I couldn't even tell you what one feels like which is safe to say he kinda sucked! All this is one step too far for me well maybe two steps I haven't decided yet. Anyhoe, (and yes I do mean hoe) I've been talking to this guy that I met online (bad mistake) about a year ago and he wants me to give him a blowjob when comes down. He actually has begged for a blowjob. How sad is that. I just want to tell him that is pretty pathetic. But I am indeed afraid that he might get pissed and I'm not sure why that is. He also (take a seat for this one) requested to videotape/take pictures of me giving him head/jacking him off. Why do I get all the damn losers I mean really. I give up. I believe this is the last straw. I don't want to be heterosexual anymore. I think I will go join the nosexual team. They seem to be having more fun. They have friends of both sexes, hang out, chat, and don't have to put up with this shit anymore. And really if you think this is bad. There is a ton more worth of shit that I could tell you. You would see where I am coming from and would probably offer to hold my hand as we walked to the convent to join the nunery. I mean really people there is so much more to life then sex. Am I the only one who still sees this? I just want to meet a guy who has a great sense of humor, who loves to hang out and make out or go out and make out (obviously I'm very comfortable with kissing and hickeys but that's a whole other entry). I just want a guy that I can be there for and he be here for me and then and only then when I am ready to take that step will be there for that too. I want a guy that I can trust with my whole heart cause there is no way I'm taking that step (damn I've been saying this a lot lately) with some guy I've just met two days earlier and am meeting for the first time face to face. The idiots are out of their mind. Ok enough ranting. Going to bed now that I'm been stood up again due to the very crappy weather outside. He actually hit a damn van! What an idiot. Going to bed. Good Grief!!!
P.S- I swear I didn't choose the music. It just came up on winamp. You can't make this shit up!
Updated: Ok so two years later, I obviously have grown up a bit, but I just want to say that I still feel the same way and while this is a bit too much TMI, I do raise a lot of valid points. Just don't think any less of me.
P.S- I swear I didn't choose the music. It just came up on winamp. You can't make this shit up!
Updated: Ok so two years later, I obviously have grown up a bit, but I just want to say that I still feel the same way and while this is a bit too much TMI, I do raise a lot of valid points. Just don't think any less of me.