Not my favorite Monday ever
Been having a bit of a minor meltdown. I managed to catch a summer cold, which isn't so severe in and of itself. Chest congestion, sinus issues, but nothing I haven't dealt with before. The worst thing has been paralyzing fatigue. I mean, REAL fatigue. The sort that leaves you with no energy to move. I've been sleeping 12 hours at night, and taking naps during the day. I had to leave work early on Friday, which is a rarity. Today I feel a bit better, as in the physical ick symptoms are gone, but I am still dogged by fatigue.
Couple this with stupidity on my part. I was too exhausted to make it to the pharmacy on Friday, and as a result I am currently not in compliance with my meds. This has only made things dramatically worse. At lunch I will drag myself over to get them. I am also going to attempt the gym. Not going to the gym does further harm to my mental state, but I am still so tired. Getting through the work day today is challenging, though I have been productive.
I am, in short, a mess.
This also makes me grumpy for other reasons. Growing up with a nurse for a mother no illness was ever taken seriously short of being on a ventilator. I have grown up with a mindset that illness is an inconvenience that should be ignored. I am being better about it as an adult, but alas, my hubby subscribes to much the same mindset. His answer to everything is "go to bed." This leaves me feeling unvalidated in how I feel, as in "you are being dramatic, give us all a break." I was dragged out to a restaurant on Thursday and Saturday night, and in both cases came close to physical collapse.
I really want to be a good patient. I just don't know how.
When sick what I most want is to be utterly alone. That way I can be sick without feeling like anyone is judging my weakness. I always feel like I am inconveniencing the world when ill, and it makes it more complicated. I just want to be sick and left alone, if no one is going to take care of me.
Pity party, table of one.
Last evening I spent in bed with my old sick girl, cuddled up. The poor thing is all skin and bones right now, though she is still perky and active. I don't know how she is keeping it up, but she is, so it isn't time yet. So I just held her close and dozed, allowing her to burrow under the covers and lay against me. It is so frustrating to be unable to get her to eat properly; I have tried everything I can think of, and am failing.
I need perking up, but first I need to feel physically normal. And to get back on my drugs. Then I can get things back under control, but right now I am just muddling through.
I need a laugh. A good, deep laugh. My little gloom cloud is annoying the fuck out of me.
Couple this with stupidity on my part. I was too exhausted to make it to the pharmacy on Friday, and as a result I am currently not in compliance with my meds. This has only made things dramatically worse. At lunch I will drag myself over to get them. I am also going to attempt the gym. Not going to the gym does further harm to my mental state, but I am still so tired. Getting through the work day today is challenging, though I have been productive.
I am, in short, a mess.
This also makes me grumpy for other reasons. Growing up with a nurse for a mother no illness was ever taken seriously short of being on a ventilator. I have grown up with a mindset that illness is an inconvenience that should be ignored. I am being better about it as an adult, but alas, my hubby subscribes to much the same mindset. His answer to everything is "go to bed." This leaves me feeling unvalidated in how I feel, as in "you are being dramatic, give us all a break." I was dragged out to a restaurant on Thursday and Saturday night, and in both cases came close to physical collapse.
I really want to be a good patient. I just don't know how.
When sick what I most want is to be utterly alone. That way I can be sick without feeling like anyone is judging my weakness. I always feel like I am inconveniencing the world when ill, and it makes it more complicated. I just want to be sick and left alone, if no one is going to take care of me.
Pity party, table of one.
Last evening I spent in bed with my old sick girl, cuddled up. The poor thing is all skin and bones right now, though she is still perky and active. I don't know how she is keeping it up, but she is, so it isn't time yet. So I just held her close and dozed, allowing her to burrow under the covers and lay against me. It is so frustrating to be unable to get her to eat properly; I have tried everything I can think of, and am failing.
I need perking up, but first I need to feel physically normal. And to get back on my drugs. Then I can get things back under control, but right now I am just muddling through.
I need a laugh. A good, deep laugh. My little gloom cloud is annoying the fuck out of me.