(no subject)
Is has been a long long time since I have updated. I only get on the internet when I come to the library. Even though I havent updated in a long time, there is really not that much for me to say.
I have been doing a lotta thinking lately; thinking that I know that I should not be doing. I have come to the conclusion that I am not that great of a person as I once thought I was. I try to be thoughtful and caring for people close to me. I just go with the vibe that I get from the people that are around me the most. Everything is just so cluttered right now. My mind is going like 43456875323146754345342457654432 different directions all at once. I am afraid of having nowhere to go. Don't get me wrong, I love living on my own, but there is this feeling inside of me that is telling me that it is not going to last much longer. I feel like my future is going to revolve around betrayal. I have been betrayed many times in the past, and it hurts like a mf. But, then I look at myself and see this: I don't deserve any fortunes. Fortunes come to good people, and I am not. I must be. Why else would the world deal those cards to me? I am not that smart. The more I look in the mirror, the more of a failure I see. My grandfather would be so disappointed in me right now.
Once again, I am afraid that I will be left with nothing and all alone with nowhere to go....
I have been doing a lotta thinking lately; thinking that I know that I should not be doing. I have come to the conclusion that I am not that great of a person as I once thought I was. I try to be thoughtful and caring for people close to me. I just go with the vibe that I get from the people that are around me the most. Everything is just so cluttered right now. My mind is going like 43456875323146754345342457654432 different directions all at once. I am afraid of having nowhere to go. Don't get me wrong, I love living on my own, but there is this feeling inside of me that is telling me that it is not going to last much longer. I feel like my future is going to revolve around betrayal. I have been betrayed many times in the past, and it hurts like a mf. But, then I look at myself and see this: I don't deserve any fortunes. Fortunes come to good people, and I am not. I must be. Why else would the world deal those cards to me? I am not that smart. The more I look in the mirror, the more of a failure I see. My grandfather would be so disappointed in me right now.
Once again, I am afraid that I will be left with nothing and all alone with nowhere to go....