Why? Part 21
A/N: Found the time to update.
“So…you okay?”
Confused Emma turns her head towards Luzi. “Uh, yea. Why wouldn’t I be? That wasn’t that hard of work” The two have just finished putting her things away and are sitting on the bed. Emma frowns, it’s a bit awkward with the brace she’s wearing. “My leg feels fine..” running her hand over it. “Mostly” she admits. “But other than being tired, I’m good”
“Uh-huh. good” Luzi nods. “But what I meant was..you staying here with Jenny. Alone” Putting a bit of emphasis on the last word. The way Emma’s acted since getting here has spoken volumes to the nurse. Her shyness at the door, the huge smile when the brunette laughed, the way they stared at each other and how the blonde had watched Jenny walk away not so long ago. Her friend just wished Emma could admit to what she was feeling. She has to know, doesn’t she?
Getting a bit anxious. “Wh-why should that be a problem? Is there some reason? Do you know something?”
Seeing her pale, Luzi quickly assures the blonde. “No..no..”she shakes her head. “There’s nothing. Honest” As Emma relaxes she goes on. “Sorry didn’t mean to worry you. Again..wasn’t what I meant”
Puzzled by Luzi’s demeanor. “Then what? Luzi just say what you mean”
Luzi pauses thinking, biting her lower lip. Should I? “Ok” Letting out a breath. “Are you okay with staying here with the way you feel about Jenny?” she asks cautiously.
“Th-the way I feel about her?” The blonde frowns not understanding. “I feel I can trust her. That she knows what she’s doing. That, if need be, she’s more than able to protect me. So yea…I’m okay with it” she shrugs.
Luzi sighs. Geez! Ok different approach. “Emma, we’re friends yes?” A nod for an answer. “And I want it to stay that way and not make you mad. Ok?” Another nod, but a little hesitant. Putting her hand on Emma’s, she takes a breath. “Then when are you going to open your eyes and realize you have feelings for Jenny? Real feelings for her?” She asks squeezing her hand. “If you’re afraid you don’t have to be. Trust me, she likes...”
It takes a second but the blonde pulls her hand away looking at her wide-eyed. “Luzi..” she shakes her head, stopping her from continuing. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I..I don’t have feelings for her. And I’m sure she doesn’t…”
“Yes Emma, you do” She says gently interrupting her. “You just…”
“No. I don’t” A mix of fear, disbelief and anger in brown eyes. “Why…how…why would you say that?” She gets up from the bed, her cheeks flushed and moves about unsteadily without her crutches. “H-how could you think that?”
“Emma…please calm down” Luzi gets up, afraid the blonde will fall, she moves towards her. “Listen, I’ve seen how you are around her. What you saw between Ben and me? I see that between you and Jenny” She tries to reason. “You just don’t wa…”
“No, no” Emma stops and shakes her head, turning to face her. “Luzi..I..I’m not…I..I was…” she catches herself “I am married to a guy. I..I date guys”
“Yea, look how that’s going” Luzi mumbles sarcastically, drawing an angry look from her friend. “Sorry, that was wrong. But if you just stop and think...”
“No Luzi. Stop” Slight anger in her voice. “There’s nothing to think about. There’s nothing between us. Jenny is a cop doing her job, nothing more. When this is over I’m going back to my life in Berlin”
“Yea..with Michael. I know” Luzi rolls her eyes. “I just can’t believe..”
“What have you got against Michael?” Emma stops her. “Never mind” she waves her off before the nurse can answer. “Look Luzi, you want to stay friends right?” The young woman nods a bit timid. “Then let it go. Just drop it. Okay?” An unwavering look on the blonde’s face.
There’s a long pause before the dark haired girl nods. “Okay Emma” She sighs. “Okay” She moves close to her. “Please…don’t be mad?’ she asks sheepishly. She really doesn’t want to lose Emma as a friend. Maybe after some time alone with Jenny?
“It’s okay, I’m not mad Luzi” Emma smiles holding her arms out. Luzi moves in to hug her.
“Good” The nurse smiles. The embrace hides the blonde’s thoughtful frown. Where did she get such ideas? Jenny can’t possibly like me, can she?
“What am I doing Ben? What the bloody hell am I doing??”
“You’re making sandwiches” he grins. “And doing a fine job” He’s been watching his partner move frantically around the kitchen, from the fridge to table to cupboard and back again for the past few moments.
“Not funny” She stops, glaring at him. A rather sharp knife pointed in his direction. “You know what I meant”
“Hey, hey” He holds up his hands in defense, eyeing the knife. “Calm down. Just kidding”
Her eyes go to the knife. Rolling her eyes…“Pfffttt…” she scoffs putting it down…“If I wanted to hurt you” She reaches for a bigger one..”I’d use this” She grins menacingly pointing it at him. She can’t help but laugh at his expression and puts the utensil away. “Seriously Ben” she turns to him. “What am I going to do now?” A bit of desperation in her voice.
He feels bad for his friend. In the last few days they’ve talked quite a bit. Even though Jenny swears she’ll never interfere in the relationship between Emma and Michael, she’s finding it almost impossible to keep her feelings for the blonde at bay. And now, with the blonde staying with her? She’s panicking. Walking over to her, Ben takes her hands in his.
“Jenny you have one of two choices. You can sit down with Emma and tell you how you feel..” The brunette looks at him like he’s crazy but he goes on. “She’ll either take you in her arms and admit she likes you too. Or…” “Or?” “Or she’ll tell you you’re sick and to go to hell” he shrugs. He starts to grin at the terrified look on her face. “But I’m picking the first one” he winks, grinning at her.
“Ohh…” she swats him smiling. “You’re stupid” She turns serious. “What’s my second choice?” Not really sure she wants to know.
Ben sighs. “You can try and put the wall back up. Keep trying to pretend you don’t have feelings for her” He watches the sadness come over her face as she drops her gaze. Squeezing her hands. “We both know that’s going to be hard” he says softly when she lifts her eyes to him. “And it’s going to hurt like hell here” he says pointing to her heart. “Honestly? I think you’re better off telling her”
Jenny looks down for a long moment, then sighing lifts her gaze. “I..I don’t know if I can Ben. It..I’m scared” she admits softly, tears in her eyes. “I’ve never…if she..”
Ben feels a stitch in his heart. He’s never known his partner to be afraid or unsure of anything. At least not so that she’d admit to it. “Hey…shhhh” He pulls her into a hug. “It’s okay, don’t worry. Look, you don’t have to decide tonight or even tomorrow. Just be open, see what happens. Okay?” he gives her a small squeeze.
Sighing, she nods against his chest. “Ok” She steps back to see a small doubtful smile on his face. “Ok” She smiles at him.
“Ok” he nods. “Don’t forget, I’m here for you”
A small smile forms. “Yea..thanks Ben” Jenny’s grateful to have him not just as a partner, but a friend.
“Uhhh….are we interrupting something?”
Jenny quickly steps back from the embrace as both girls stand staring at them. Neither she or Ben heard them come in. Luzi’s look is understandable, mostly concern with a hint of jealousy. But the blonde’s Jenny can’t quite read.
Defusing the situation… “You’re not jealous are you?” Ben asks playfully with a raised brow moving to his girlfriend. “Mmmm…” She plays irritated turning away from him. “You know you don’t need be” He pulls her close. “You’re the only one for me” he says softly before kissing her. Luzi smiles into the kiss. “Good. Remember that” she teases.
Watching them, Jenny tries to discreetly wipe away her tears but senses Emma’s eyes on her, making her feel self-conscious. Turning back to the cupboard, she rummages around for something, anything so not to have to look at the blonde.
It bothers Emma at first, seeing Jenny in Ben’s arms. A strange feeling of anger and hurt rises until she notices…. She’s crying. Why? Did something..??? A tug on her arm pulls her from her thoughts.
“Shall we go sit?” Luzi’s giving her a look and nodding towards the living room area.
Her eyes never leaving the brunette… “Yea…yea sure” she answers distracted.
Hearing the blonde move away, Jenny lets out the breath she was holding as her body relaxes.
“Breathe Jenny” Ben stands just behind her, a small grin on his face and a hand on her shoulder. “Come on, I’ll help you carry” he winks when the brunette is calm again.
Grabbing a couple of trays she smiles gratefully. “Thanks”
It’s later that evening, Ben and Luzi are long gone and the two women are alone in the house. A slightly tense but not uncomfortable silence hangs in the air as they sit on opposite ends of the couch in the living area, both lost in thought staring at the fire burning in the fireplace.
Jenny’s thoughts are running in circles. Her talk with Ben, Emma’s shy smile, her face at seeing Jenny in Ben’s arms, the blonde’s furtive glances during lunch and finally her own feelings for Emma. She knows Emma’s with Michael, but there’s something about the blonde that she just can’t resist. How can this be happening? Why now? The brunette’s worked so hard to protect herself from these kind of feelings, never letting anyone close. It seems like forever that she’s had a wall around her heart and now just being near the blonde, she feels it crumbling. Just the thought of those warm eyes, beautiful laugh and soft smile sends a shiver through her.
Emma fares no better as her mind is on the brunette. Although the afternoon went well and Jenny seems better, the blonde can’t forget her sad lost look and the tears she saw earlier. For reasons she’s still not sure of, Emma was upset at seeing Ben’s arms around the brunette but that quickly turned to concern. The detective always appears tough, determined, in control. All things the blonde admires about her. Stealing a glance out of the corner of her eye towards Jenny…smiling softly with respect. She wouldn’t have fallen for Ronnie’s BS Her gaze wanders over the athletic body. She is sooo.. An odd warm sensation touches Emma deep. Stop! Squeezing her eyes shut, she opens them again to see the flickering flames. In them, images of Jenny standing up to Michael, a fierce look on her face, followed by scenes like today soft, loving…sad? A feeling tugs at Emma’s heart pulling her gaze to the brunette in time to see her shiver. Instinctively, the blonde reaches for the blanket draping over the back of the couch and scoots closer to her.
“Here..” she says softly, moving to place it over Jenny’s lap.
Startled from her thoughts, the detective turns her head, a hint of panic runs through her. Emma freezes, their faces inches apart. For a long moment they stare into each other’s eyes. One lost in soft blue, the other in warm brown. Jenny sees the reflection of the flames dancing in the blonde’s, while Emma feels she’s looking into a warm summer sky.
There’s a tingling sensation in the blonde’s stomach seeing the pink hue rise in the detective’s cheeks. Her mouth curls up at the corners glancing down at the brunette’s mouth. She can just make out the fine lines where dimples form and the inviting soft full bottom lip.
“D-do y-you need anything?” The brunette’s awkward stutter breaks the spell, she turns her head. “F-for bed? You must be tired”
Stock-still, confusion runs through Emma’s mind. Then her eyes widen and a rosy glow fills her cheeks. Embarrassed, she quickly pulls away, her gaze meets the floor. “N-no..” She clears her throat. “No…I..I’m…good” What the hell was i thinking?! Flustered, she grabs her crutches and scrambles to her feet, almost tipping over. Firm hands on her waist steady her, but send a shock through her body making her jump a bit.
“S-sorry” Jenny says softly, her hands still at the ready to catch the blonde if need be. “You okay?”
The blonde can only nod. “I..uh..I guess I’m still a bit unsteady” She answers haltingly...“I am kind of tired” …moving away. I have to get out of here. “It’s been a long day” Before turning to head down the hall, she stops. Over her shoulder…“N-night Jenny. Thanks again”
“Night Emma. You’re welcome. Sleep well” Hearing no response, Jenny’s sure the blonde is gone. Letting out a long breath, releasing the tension in her body, the brunette sinks back into the couch covering her face with her hands. “God…” she whispers, then checks to make sure Emma isn’t lurking. What was that? She asks herself turning back to the fire. That was Emma wanting you The voice of desire answers. It was what you want. It was your chance, you should have told her. Jenny shakes her head. No..no..no. The voice of reason speaks up. She’s with Michael. Desire argues…She made the move. You saw it. She sees Emma leaning in…another shake of her head. No. It’s..it’s just the stress and Michael not being here. It was stress, nothing more. She nods. “That’s all”
Lying on her back staring at the ceiling, Emma still can’t believe what almost happened. What she almost did. She was so close, so close to…she squeezes her eyes shut. That’s not me. I’m not.. Well obviously you are. Why else would you have tried to… No. Stop. I didn’t. It…it was just… She’s pretty. Stop! I’m not..
Hearing movement in the hall, she bolts upright as fear grips her and stares at the closed door. Her heart racing, her nerves on edge, she listens carefully. It takes a moment, but she finally realizes it’s only Jenny getting ready for bed. Falling back into bed, she takes a deep breath working to calm herself. Grabbing her cell she checks the time. It’s been over an hour since she left the brunette sitting on the couch. What’s she been doing? Thinking of you of course. Kicking herself for letting you go. Pffftt…keep dreaming. Someone like that wouldn’t want me. Then why did Luzi..? Emma shakes her head. No. Luzi was wrong. Plain and simple. The image of Jenny pops in her head. The pink cheeks, the caught look, the stutter. No. There was something there. Then why did she push me away? Emma sighs heavily. I’ll be so glad when this is over and I can… She jumps slightly as her phone rings in her hand. A small smile crosses her face at the caller’s name. “Hey…I was just thinking about you”
Leaving the bathroom, Jenny hesitates a moment then turns to Emma’s door. She started thinking maybe it wasn’t a bad idea to tell the blonde how she felt. But assure Emma that she doesn’t expect anything, that she knows the blonde isn’t into women. That it’s her problem, not Emma’s and she’ll deal with it. Yea, that’s it. Be honest. Taking a deep breath, Jenny reaches to knock on the door but pauses hearing giggling from inside. She can’t help but smile. She’s laughing in her sleep? How cute? Leaning closer to hear better, her smile fades.
“Yes Michael, I remember. No…you weren’t any better” Another soft giggle followed by a moment of silence. Then… “Yea, soon I hope” The voice soft, sad. “It’s time to go home. I’m ready to put this behind me” Another pause of quiet. “I know you are and I appreciate it so much”
An awful feeling in the pit of her stomach, Jenny moves listlessly from the door. Climbing into bed, she pulls the covers up tight, trying to ward off the chill that runs down her spine. You should have told her earlier. No. She’s with him. Who says? You didn’t even try. It wouldn’t matter. Fight for her. No, it’s better this way. For both of us. Then why does it hurt so much??
“So…you okay?”
Confused Emma turns her head towards Luzi. “Uh, yea. Why wouldn’t I be? That wasn’t that hard of work” The two have just finished putting her things away and are sitting on the bed. Emma frowns, it’s a bit awkward with the brace she’s wearing. “My leg feels fine..” running her hand over it. “Mostly” she admits. “But other than being tired, I’m good”
“Uh-huh. good” Luzi nods. “But what I meant was..you staying here with Jenny. Alone” Putting a bit of emphasis on the last word. The way Emma’s acted since getting here has spoken volumes to the nurse. Her shyness at the door, the huge smile when the brunette laughed, the way they stared at each other and how the blonde had watched Jenny walk away not so long ago. Her friend just wished Emma could admit to what she was feeling. She has to know, doesn’t she?
Getting a bit anxious. “Wh-why should that be a problem? Is there some reason? Do you know something?”
Seeing her pale, Luzi quickly assures the blonde. “No..no..”she shakes her head. “There’s nothing. Honest” As Emma relaxes she goes on. “Sorry didn’t mean to worry you. Again..wasn’t what I meant”
Puzzled by Luzi’s demeanor. “Then what? Luzi just say what you mean”
Luzi pauses thinking, biting her lower lip. Should I? “Ok” Letting out a breath. “Are you okay with staying here with the way you feel about Jenny?” she asks cautiously.
“Th-the way I feel about her?” The blonde frowns not understanding. “I feel I can trust her. That she knows what she’s doing. That, if need be, she’s more than able to protect me. So yea…I’m okay with it” she shrugs.
Luzi sighs. Geez! Ok different approach. “Emma, we’re friends yes?” A nod for an answer. “And I want it to stay that way and not make you mad. Ok?” Another nod, but a little hesitant. Putting her hand on Emma’s, she takes a breath. “Then when are you going to open your eyes and realize you have feelings for Jenny? Real feelings for her?” She asks squeezing her hand. “If you’re afraid you don’t have to be. Trust me, she likes...”
It takes a second but the blonde pulls her hand away looking at her wide-eyed. “Luzi..” she shakes her head, stopping her from continuing. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I..I don’t have feelings for her. And I’m sure she doesn’t…”
“Yes Emma, you do” She says gently interrupting her. “You just…”
“No. I don’t” A mix of fear, disbelief and anger in brown eyes. “Why…how…why would you say that?” She gets up from the bed, her cheeks flushed and moves about unsteadily without her crutches. “H-how could you think that?”
“Emma…please calm down” Luzi gets up, afraid the blonde will fall, she moves towards her. “Listen, I’ve seen how you are around her. What you saw between Ben and me? I see that between you and Jenny” She tries to reason. “You just don’t wa…”
“No, no” Emma stops and shakes her head, turning to face her. “Luzi..I..I’m not…I..I was…” she catches herself “I am married to a guy. I..I date guys”
“Yea, look how that’s going” Luzi mumbles sarcastically, drawing an angry look from her friend. “Sorry, that was wrong. But if you just stop and think...”
“No Luzi. Stop” Slight anger in her voice. “There’s nothing to think about. There’s nothing between us. Jenny is a cop doing her job, nothing more. When this is over I’m going back to my life in Berlin”
“Yea..with Michael. I know” Luzi rolls her eyes. “I just can’t believe..”
“What have you got against Michael?” Emma stops her. “Never mind” she waves her off before the nurse can answer. “Look Luzi, you want to stay friends right?” The young woman nods a bit timid. “Then let it go. Just drop it. Okay?” An unwavering look on the blonde’s face.
There’s a long pause before the dark haired girl nods. “Okay Emma” She sighs. “Okay” She moves close to her. “Please…don’t be mad?’ she asks sheepishly. She really doesn’t want to lose Emma as a friend. Maybe after some time alone with Jenny?
“It’s okay, I’m not mad Luzi” Emma smiles holding her arms out. Luzi moves in to hug her.
“Good” The nurse smiles. The embrace hides the blonde’s thoughtful frown. Where did she get such ideas? Jenny can’t possibly like me, can she?
“What am I doing Ben? What the bloody hell am I doing??”
“You’re making sandwiches” he grins. “And doing a fine job” He’s been watching his partner move frantically around the kitchen, from the fridge to table to cupboard and back again for the past few moments.
“Not funny” She stops, glaring at him. A rather sharp knife pointed in his direction. “You know what I meant”
“Hey, hey” He holds up his hands in defense, eyeing the knife. “Calm down. Just kidding”
Her eyes go to the knife. Rolling her eyes…“Pfffttt…” she scoffs putting it down…“If I wanted to hurt you” She reaches for a bigger one..”I’d use this” She grins menacingly pointing it at him. She can’t help but laugh at his expression and puts the utensil away. “Seriously Ben” she turns to him. “What am I going to do now?” A bit of desperation in her voice.
He feels bad for his friend. In the last few days they’ve talked quite a bit. Even though Jenny swears she’ll never interfere in the relationship between Emma and Michael, she’s finding it almost impossible to keep her feelings for the blonde at bay. And now, with the blonde staying with her? She’s panicking. Walking over to her, Ben takes her hands in his.
“Jenny you have one of two choices. You can sit down with Emma and tell you how you feel..” The brunette looks at him like he’s crazy but he goes on. “She’ll either take you in her arms and admit she likes you too. Or…” “Or?” “Or she’ll tell you you’re sick and to go to hell” he shrugs. He starts to grin at the terrified look on her face. “But I’m picking the first one” he winks, grinning at her.
“Ohh…” she swats him smiling. “You’re stupid” She turns serious. “What’s my second choice?” Not really sure she wants to know.
Ben sighs. “You can try and put the wall back up. Keep trying to pretend you don’t have feelings for her” He watches the sadness come over her face as she drops her gaze. Squeezing her hands. “We both know that’s going to be hard” he says softly when she lifts her eyes to him. “And it’s going to hurt like hell here” he says pointing to her heart. “Honestly? I think you’re better off telling her”
Jenny looks down for a long moment, then sighing lifts her gaze. “I..I don’t know if I can Ben. It..I’m scared” she admits softly, tears in her eyes. “I’ve never…if she..”
Ben feels a stitch in his heart. He’s never known his partner to be afraid or unsure of anything. At least not so that she’d admit to it. “Hey…shhhh” He pulls her into a hug. “It’s okay, don’t worry. Look, you don’t have to decide tonight or even tomorrow. Just be open, see what happens. Okay?” he gives her a small squeeze.
Sighing, she nods against his chest. “Ok” She steps back to see a small doubtful smile on his face. “Ok” She smiles at him.
“Ok” he nods. “Don’t forget, I’m here for you”
A small smile forms. “Yea..thanks Ben” Jenny’s grateful to have him not just as a partner, but a friend.
“Uhhh….are we interrupting something?”
Jenny quickly steps back from the embrace as both girls stand staring at them. Neither she or Ben heard them come in. Luzi’s look is understandable, mostly concern with a hint of jealousy. But the blonde’s Jenny can’t quite read.
Defusing the situation… “You’re not jealous are you?” Ben asks playfully with a raised brow moving to his girlfriend. “Mmmm…” She plays irritated turning away from him. “You know you don’t need be” He pulls her close. “You’re the only one for me” he says softly before kissing her. Luzi smiles into the kiss. “Good. Remember that” she teases.
Watching them, Jenny tries to discreetly wipe away her tears but senses Emma’s eyes on her, making her feel self-conscious. Turning back to the cupboard, she rummages around for something, anything so not to have to look at the blonde.
It bothers Emma at first, seeing Jenny in Ben’s arms. A strange feeling of anger and hurt rises until she notices…. She’s crying. Why? Did something..??? A tug on her arm pulls her from her thoughts.
“Shall we go sit?” Luzi’s giving her a look and nodding towards the living room area.
Her eyes never leaving the brunette… “Yea…yea sure” she answers distracted.
Hearing the blonde move away, Jenny lets out the breath she was holding as her body relaxes.
“Breathe Jenny” Ben stands just behind her, a small grin on his face and a hand on her shoulder. “Come on, I’ll help you carry” he winks when the brunette is calm again.
Grabbing a couple of trays she smiles gratefully. “Thanks”
It’s later that evening, Ben and Luzi are long gone and the two women are alone in the house. A slightly tense but not uncomfortable silence hangs in the air as they sit on opposite ends of the couch in the living area, both lost in thought staring at the fire burning in the fireplace.
Jenny’s thoughts are running in circles. Her talk with Ben, Emma’s shy smile, her face at seeing Jenny in Ben’s arms, the blonde’s furtive glances during lunch and finally her own feelings for Emma. She knows Emma’s with Michael, but there’s something about the blonde that she just can’t resist. How can this be happening? Why now? The brunette’s worked so hard to protect herself from these kind of feelings, never letting anyone close. It seems like forever that she’s had a wall around her heart and now just being near the blonde, she feels it crumbling. Just the thought of those warm eyes, beautiful laugh and soft smile sends a shiver through her.
Emma fares no better as her mind is on the brunette. Although the afternoon went well and Jenny seems better, the blonde can’t forget her sad lost look and the tears she saw earlier. For reasons she’s still not sure of, Emma was upset at seeing Ben’s arms around the brunette but that quickly turned to concern. The detective always appears tough, determined, in control. All things the blonde admires about her. Stealing a glance out of the corner of her eye towards Jenny…smiling softly with respect. She wouldn’t have fallen for Ronnie’s BS Her gaze wanders over the athletic body. She is sooo.. An odd warm sensation touches Emma deep. Stop! Squeezing her eyes shut, she opens them again to see the flickering flames. In them, images of Jenny standing up to Michael, a fierce look on her face, followed by scenes like today soft, loving…sad? A feeling tugs at Emma’s heart pulling her gaze to the brunette in time to see her shiver. Instinctively, the blonde reaches for the blanket draping over the back of the couch and scoots closer to her.
“Here..” she says softly, moving to place it over Jenny’s lap.
Startled from her thoughts, the detective turns her head, a hint of panic runs through her. Emma freezes, their faces inches apart. For a long moment they stare into each other’s eyes. One lost in soft blue, the other in warm brown. Jenny sees the reflection of the flames dancing in the blonde’s, while Emma feels she’s looking into a warm summer sky.
There’s a tingling sensation in the blonde’s stomach seeing the pink hue rise in the detective’s cheeks. Her mouth curls up at the corners glancing down at the brunette’s mouth. She can just make out the fine lines where dimples form and the inviting soft full bottom lip.
“D-do y-you need anything?” The brunette’s awkward stutter breaks the spell, she turns her head. “F-for bed? You must be tired”
Stock-still, confusion runs through Emma’s mind. Then her eyes widen and a rosy glow fills her cheeks. Embarrassed, she quickly pulls away, her gaze meets the floor. “N-no..” She clears her throat. “No…I..I’m…good” What the hell was i thinking?! Flustered, she grabs her crutches and scrambles to her feet, almost tipping over. Firm hands on her waist steady her, but send a shock through her body making her jump a bit.
“S-sorry” Jenny says softly, her hands still at the ready to catch the blonde if need be. “You okay?”
The blonde can only nod. “I..uh..I guess I’m still a bit unsteady” She answers haltingly...“I am kind of tired” …moving away. I have to get out of here. “It’s been a long day” Before turning to head down the hall, she stops. Over her shoulder…“N-night Jenny. Thanks again”
“Night Emma. You’re welcome. Sleep well” Hearing no response, Jenny’s sure the blonde is gone. Letting out a long breath, releasing the tension in her body, the brunette sinks back into the couch covering her face with her hands. “God…” she whispers, then checks to make sure Emma isn’t lurking. What was that? She asks herself turning back to the fire. That was Emma wanting you The voice of desire answers. It was what you want. It was your chance, you should have told her. Jenny shakes her head. No..no..no. The voice of reason speaks up. She’s with Michael. Desire argues…She made the move. You saw it. She sees Emma leaning in…another shake of her head. No. It’s..it’s just the stress and Michael not being here. It was stress, nothing more. She nods. “That’s all”
Lying on her back staring at the ceiling, Emma still can’t believe what almost happened. What she almost did. She was so close, so close to…she squeezes her eyes shut. That’s not me. I’m not.. Well obviously you are. Why else would you have tried to… No. Stop. I didn’t. It…it was just… She’s pretty. Stop! I’m not..
Hearing movement in the hall, she bolts upright as fear grips her and stares at the closed door. Her heart racing, her nerves on edge, she listens carefully. It takes a moment, but she finally realizes it’s only Jenny getting ready for bed. Falling back into bed, she takes a deep breath working to calm herself. Grabbing her cell she checks the time. It’s been over an hour since she left the brunette sitting on the couch. What’s she been doing? Thinking of you of course. Kicking herself for letting you go. Pffftt…keep dreaming. Someone like that wouldn’t want me. Then why did Luzi..? Emma shakes her head. No. Luzi was wrong. Plain and simple. The image of Jenny pops in her head. The pink cheeks, the caught look, the stutter. No. There was something there. Then why did she push me away? Emma sighs heavily. I’ll be so glad when this is over and I can… She jumps slightly as her phone rings in her hand. A small smile crosses her face at the caller’s name. “Hey…I was just thinking about you”
Leaving the bathroom, Jenny hesitates a moment then turns to Emma’s door. She started thinking maybe it wasn’t a bad idea to tell the blonde how she felt. But assure Emma that she doesn’t expect anything, that she knows the blonde isn’t into women. That it’s her problem, not Emma’s and she’ll deal with it. Yea, that’s it. Be honest. Taking a deep breath, Jenny reaches to knock on the door but pauses hearing giggling from inside. She can’t help but smile. She’s laughing in her sleep? How cute? Leaning closer to hear better, her smile fades.
“Yes Michael, I remember. No…you weren’t any better” Another soft giggle followed by a moment of silence. Then… “Yea, soon I hope” The voice soft, sad. “It’s time to go home. I’m ready to put this behind me” Another pause of quiet. “I know you are and I appreciate it so much”
An awful feeling in the pit of her stomach, Jenny moves listlessly from the door. Climbing into bed, she pulls the covers up tight, trying to ward off the chill that runs down her spine. You should have told her earlier. No. She’s with him. Who says? You didn’t even try. It wouldn’t matter. Fight for her. No, it’s better this way. For both of us. Then why does it hurt so much??