(no subject)
i was asked yesterday by my mother if i could assist our church in a community meal (for poor people in lakewood). and right away i was like, ohmygod why do i have to do this why do they always ask me to do this dumb stuff?!?!?!?! and i basically had a little fit to myself. and then my mom said, well, i'll ask sarah to do it instead, and if she can't i'll do it. and i was like no, because then i'll just have to feel bad. and then i realized that my whole life has been about feeling guilty about things. all the time. i felt guilty about drinking when i first stared, i feel guilty whenever i don't want to help out with something.... i even used to feel guilty about masturbating. how dare a religion make people feel guilty!!!!! i'm so sick of it. but then i was like, shouldn't i feel guilty? about not doing what is right? i don't know. i'm just real sick of feeling guilty, so i'm not going to anymore. i need to go eat.