How NOT to Pick Up a Girl
A small tip for all you guys out there. If you're in your late twenties/early thirties (or older), you're driving a +10 year old car and are from out of state, your attempts to intrigue and pick up a girl you find interesting on the road will most likely be met with failure. You're not coming off as impressive or cool. It's actually rather creepy.
As I'm sure you can guess, this actually happened to me today.
I got off work at 5 and was driving home, singing along to my Nightwish album and being an all around safe, sensible driver who loves really loud music. I first noticed this guy when I spotted his Kentucky license plate. It's always interesting to see who's driven all the way down to Houston. I pulled up next to this guy a minute or two later at a red light and saw that he was looking around.
For you non-Houstonian drivers, let me explain. Houston drivers become ADD when we're stopped at a red light. We all start looking around, seeing who's around us, what's going on and such. We're still watching the light, mind you, but as long as we have a foot on the brake at a red light, we're mighty curious. This habit is not one I've seen anywhere else.
I didn't give this guy another thought. Or rather, I wouldn't have, under normal circumstances. One thing I do when I'm driving is evaluate the drivers around me. I pick up on those tiny cues that say "jerk who will change lanes in front of me without signaling" or "young punk in a hurry, avoid" and even the "I haven't a single brain cell in my head and shouldn't be allowed out of the house alone, let alone put behind the driver's wheel".
So when I see that this guy isn't keeping his eyes on the road, that he keeps glancing in his side mirror, my brain went to yellow alert. I started paying closer attention. I could see his reflection in his driver's side mirror and could see that he was constantly looking into it. A few minutes later, he had his window down as well.
At this point, the road has opened up a bit. There isn't anyone in front of me and the people behind me are pretty far back. He's about 5-10 yards ahead of me in the opposite lane. There's no one in front or behind him either. So when he drops a hand out the window and waves for me to move up/ahead, the alarms in my head get louder. The speed limit is 35. I'm already doing 40, which is as fast as I prefer to go on this road. So I don't pull up.
Then he slowed down. It wasn't too noticeable, but suddenly I was gaining on him, and then I was passing him. Once past, he changed lanes and got behind me. I continue to keep an eye on him in my rear-view mirror. We're approaching a light and after seeing the intent way he's watching me car (glancing down at the back of my car, then at a cell phone or something, then the road and back again), I pull up my mental map of the area and start planning potential evasive maneuvers should he continue to follow me.
The signal we then reach is a pretty big one. I'm on the busy two-lane road that crosses a four-lane highway. There's an additional left-turn lane for my road that's always backed up since they've started tinkering with the signal timing.
We pull up to the light and I want to go straight. I'm in the left lane and duck around the last car in the left turn lane and roll up to the light. The guy behind me must have thought I was planning on turning left, because he has his turn signal on and is ready to enter the turn lane as soon as it starts moving.
I feeling of relief washes over me and I congratulate myself on reacting sensibly to a strange situation.
Then suddenly he's not turning left any more. He's swerved out to the right lane and pulls up next to me, angling to turn onto the highway. He immediately turns towards me, grinning. I'm freaking out when he suddenly makes the "call me!" gesture and gives me this hopeful look.
Let us review.
Weird 30-something driver from out of state in an old, old 4 door car who takes a sudden interest in me after a long, tiring day of work where we just closed an major expense month.
I guess this guy thought he was being cool or witty or something.
Well, it didn't work. I found the entire 7 minute affair to be really creepy. Creepy enough that I'd turned off my music a few minutes before hitting the light so I could concentrate harder on the creepiness.
I shook my head no rather sharply. He turns and disappears down the busy, busy highway.
My light turns green and I drive on, music off and feeling really confused and freaked out.
On the one hand, it's flattering that someone would take interest in me. In general, I barely get acknowledged by the opposite sex, and when I do, I'm either a friend or that slightly odd person who's still rather nice, but isn't someone you're sure you want to associate with. Or at least that's the vibe I get.
I took about 5 more minutes to shake the creepiness enough to turn my music back on. Even then, I'm not singing along anymore. Instead, I'm figuring out what I'm going to say to Thalia when I call her to talk about this once I get home. 'Cause it was freaky enough that I have to share with someone. And while I'm driving the rest of the way home, I'm scanning my mirrors, watching for that blue sedan and figuring out where the best place to loose a tail would be once I get out to my neighborhood.
So yeah.
Epic fail.
As I'm sure you can guess, this actually happened to me today.
I got off work at 5 and was driving home, singing along to my Nightwish album and being an all around safe, sensible driver who loves really loud music. I first noticed this guy when I spotted his Kentucky license plate. It's always interesting to see who's driven all the way down to Houston. I pulled up next to this guy a minute or two later at a red light and saw that he was looking around.
For you non-Houstonian drivers, let me explain. Houston drivers become ADD when we're stopped at a red light. We all start looking around, seeing who's around us, what's going on and such. We're still watching the light, mind you, but as long as we have a foot on the brake at a red light, we're mighty curious. This habit is not one I've seen anywhere else.
I didn't give this guy another thought. Or rather, I wouldn't have, under normal circumstances. One thing I do when I'm driving is evaluate the drivers around me. I pick up on those tiny cues that say "jerk who will change lanes in front of me without signaling" or "young punk in a hurry, avoid" and even the "I haven't a single brain cell in my head and shouldn't be allowed out of the house alone, let alone put behind the driver's wheel".
So when I see that this guy isn't keeping his eyes on the road, that he keeps glancing in his side mirror, my brain went to yellow alert. I started paying closer attention. I could see his reflection in his driver's side mirror and could see that he was constantly looking into it. A few minutes later, he had his window down as well.
At this point, the road has opened up a bit. There isn't anyone in front of me and the people behind me are pretty far back. He's about 5-10 yards ahead of me in the opposite lane. There's no one in front or behind him either. So when he drops a hand out the window and waves for me to move up/ahead, the alarms in my head get louder. The speed limit is 35. I'm already doing 40, which is as fast as I prefer to go on this road. So I don't pull up.
Then he slowed down. It wasn't too noticeable, but suddenly I was gaining on him, and then I was passing him. Once past, he changed lanes and got behind me. I continue to keep an eye on him in my rear-view mirror. We're approaching a light and after seeing the intent way he's watching me car (glancing down at the back of my car, then at a cell phone or something, then the road and back again), I pull up my mental map of the area and start planning potential evasive maneuvers should he continue to follow me.
The signal we then reach is a pretty big one. I'm on the busy two-lane road that crosses a four-lane highway. There's an additional left-turn lane for my road that's always backed up since they've started tinkering with the signal timing.
We pull up to the light and I want to go straight. I'm in the left lane and duck around the last car in the left turn lane and roll up to the light. The guy behind me must have thought I was planning on turning left, because he has his turn signal on and is ready to enter the turn lane as soon as it starts moving.
I feeling of relief washes over me and I congratulate myself on reacting sensibly to a strange situation.
Then suddenly he's not turning left any more. He's swerved out to the right lane and pulls up next to me, angling to turn onto the highway. He immediately turns towards me, grinning. I'm freaking out when he suddenly makes the "call me!" gesture and gives me this hopeful look.
Let us review.
Weird 30-something driver from out of state in an old, old 4 door car who takes a sudden interest in me after a long, tiring day of work where we just closed an major expense month.
I guess this guy thought he was being cool or witty or something.
Well, it didn't work. I found the entire 7 minute affair to be really creepy. Creepy enough that I'd turned off my music a few minutes before hitting the light so I could concentrate harder on the creepiness.
I shook my head no rather sharply. He turns and disappears down the busy, busy highway.
My light turns green and I drive on, music off and feeling really confused and freaked out.
On the one hand, it's flattering that someone would take interest in me. In general, I barely get acknowledged by the opposite sex, and when I do, I'm either a friend or that slightly odd person who's still rather nice, but isn't someone you're sure you want to associate with. Or at least that's the vibe I get.
I took about 5 more minutes to shake the creepiness enough to turn my music back on. Even then, I'm not singing along anymore. Instead, I'm figuring out what I'm going to say to Thalia when I call her to talk about this once I get home. 'Cause it was freaky enough that I have to share with someone. And while I'm driving the rest of the way home, I'm scanning my mirrors, watching for that blue sedan and figuring out where the best place to loose a tail would be once I get out to my neighborhood.
So yeah.
Epic fail.