I need to wash the dishes
Sigh.
So maybe I'm not the most considerate person in the world.
And I'm not usually on top of things anymore.
The things that used to matter.
Went over to Adam's yesterday. He made me dinner, which was highly delicious. After dinner all we did was watch tv for a couple hours. Needless to say, I grew restless and slightly bored. Then the next thing I knew we were fighting and I was crying, and then I had a panic attack. He argued that he was sick (with a cough, among other things) and wished to relax and then mentioned that he thought I was being needy and causing drama, which set me off into a menagerie of highly upset feelings....
It makes me feel like shit when someone calls me needy-- as if I for one am not needed, wanted, or something of the like.... not understood er what not. Then I felt like I was being selfish, wanting to do something engaging rather than sit around "relaxing"-- cause I feel like we do that so often.... Anyway, I felt like I wasn't considering him like I should and became upset more. Finally I calmed down, but remained cautious and afraid the rest of the evening. Strange; I am wondering why I get such a feeling of comfort and security from him.
Then last night I had a dream that I was racing through Hy-Vee with a shopping cart, trying to pick out dinner but everything went wrong.
Some person I knew but can't identify now came up to me and told me bad things about me which caused me to get angry and squish a mozzerella stick in her face-- but she just smiled and continued to make fun of me. Then the ground beef I tried to pick up wasn't in a package, fell to the ground and splattered in my face.... Upon bending down to try to pick it up, another chunk of meat fell on it from the table above and made it harder to scoop up the meat from the floor. Finally I was successful, but only after wasting precious shopping time. I continued on to my shopping with meat splatters all over my face and shirt. I was also looking for a lightbulb, 60 watts for a lamp whose second bulb had burnt out.... But couldn't find the lightbulb section. The whole store was a completely distorted version of all the grocery stores in this town in their various set-ups... I ended up going through a couple extremely tight aisles in the end, still searching for these lightbulbs.... began barreling through towers of boxes and disturbing the people around me in order to find those bulbs! Finally found the bulbs at the cap of the two aisles-- in tall file cabinets or something of the like. At this point I was highly frustrated and this was topped only when I found the bulb I needed in a mere 40 watts. I woke this morning feeling defeated.
So maybe I'm not the most considerate person in the world.
And I'm not usually on top of things anymore.
The things that used to matter.
Went over to Adam's yesterday. He made me dinner, which was highly delicious. After dinner all we did was watch tv for a couple hours. Needless to say, I grew restless and slightly bored. Then the next thing I knew we were fighting and I was crying, and then I had a panic attack. He argued that he was sick (with a cough, among other things) and wished to relax and then mentioned that he thought I was being needy and causing drama, which set me off into a menagerie of highly upset feelings....
It makes me feel like shit when someone calls me needy-- as if I for one am not needed, wanted, or something of the like.... not understood er what not. Then I felt like I was being selfish, wanting to do something engaging rather than sit around "relaxing"-- cause I feel like we do that so often.... Anyway, I felt like I wasn't considering him like I should and became upset more. Finally I calmed down, but remained cautious and afraid the rest of the evening. Strange; I am wondering why I get such a feeling of comfort and security from him.
Then last night I had a dream that I was racing through Hy-Vee with a shopping cart, trying to pick out dinner but everything went wrong.
Some person I knew but can't identify now came up to me and told me bad things about me which caused me to get angry and squish a mozzerella stick in her face-- but she just smiled and continued to make fun of me. Then the ground beef I tried to pick up wasn't in a package, fell to the ground and splattered in my face.... Upon bending down to try to pick it up, another chunk of meat fell on it from the table above and made it harder to scoop up the meat from the floor. Finally I was successful, but only after wasting precious shopping time. I continued on to my shopping with meat splatters all over my face and shirt. I was also looking for a lightbulb, 60 watts for a lamp whose second bulb had burnt out.... But couldn't find the lightbulb section. The whole store was a completely distorted version of all the grocery stores in this town in their various set-ups... I ended up going through a couple extremely tight aisles in the end, still searching for these lightbulbs.... began barreling through towers of boxes and disturbing the people around me in order to find those bulbs! Finally found the bulbs at the cap of the two aisles-- in tall file cabinets or something of the like. At this point I was highly frustrated and this was topped only when I found the bulb I needed in a mere 40 watts. I woke this morning feeling defeated.