Triplicate Suffering
Because I know we are... It always seems that nothing gets better, that everything gets worse, but somethings never change... We are suffering in the fact that we might not be where we want to be at the moment, but we're not suffering at the fact that we're here at all... I just found and read over something I did a while ago, probably right after I started GMC, and it intrigued me because at that time I didn't know myself, or was denying myself so much that I believed what I was taught to believe, because what I wrote seemed so contradictory to what I believe now it amazes me to think I am the same person. What I do know is this, I know that I really did believe what it was I wrote because it made it easier for me to deal with and at that time I was horribly homesick and appreciative of my thoughts... So much, infact, that my feelings spewed forth with absolute ferver about a great many of happenings in my family and about my family as well... And I wondered, as I read, if that was really how I felt at the time, and if in fact I still feel that way. I'm come to conclude that in truth, I really don't feel the same with respect to certain aspects of said piece, but yes for the most part I do feel the same way, having reiterated some facts throughout my writing career... One thing, which started me on my reverie, that was written was an explanation, and a solace, or comforting thought anyway regarding the loss and suffering that many of us endured recently and how it was for reasons unknown and how we can and will heal, deal with, and accept said sufferings and be able to move on, through the pain and madness that ensues, and that we will be ok, if we choose to be...
So I thought about our recent suffering and madness, our sadness and confussion, our heartache so complete that it is hard for me to think about anything else, or keep from allowing my ducts to clear often, and I told myself, Yes! I know I can and will heal, I know I'll be ok, and I know that I am allowed to move on, in order to find and keep a purpose, and not let those who lead me suffer shame, that they're ok with the rest of us being as happy as we can find ourselves because that's what they would want...
And I finally realize what They've been showing me, sharing with me, and being okay with letting me...
And that is to continue living the best way I can...
(So with the message relayed, I will condense and post the mentioned document as soon as I can, as it is an important message, but also a comparison to what I wrote and what I write now... How scary the differnce actually is, and how uncanny the same...)