Summer Time Blues
As much as I hate to admit it, the distance between us is vast, as vast and broad as consciousness itself.
I've been caught up lately in what can only be called ... frustration.
It's Summer. Summer in the City isn't like Summer in the Mountains. I see the sun come out and I want to go out and join with all of creation to celebrate. I just don't know how.
Back in Boone, Summer meant hiking. I would go out to Simms Creek, or down to Hebron, or Tripplette, or Goshen, or Thunder Hill, or to my parents' house and spend the day communing with the natural. Hiking, climbing, exploring, and most importantly basking in the sun.
Here, in Chicago I languish. From my "room" I look across the square at the children playing in the park, and I'm drawn to go out there, sit under a tree and read. But no one is sitting under the trees reading, because the trees have all been marked over and over again by the spray of neighborhood dogs. I begin to lose hope.
I came here to find my great adventure.
I cut away the cable anchoring me to my past and sailed at full mast into the eye of the storm. I never expected to see this side of it. The other side, the eye - I don't care, I just want to be glad for the calm, but I can find no rest, no recreation.
A girl I work with went downstairs to pick up her lunch and asked me to come with her. There in an air conditioned glass box I asked her - what do people do here during the Summer. She suggested the museum, or the shopping, or ... I cut her off there. I asked what people do if they want to enjoy the sun. She blinked a few times before explaining that is what people use their vacations for. Going on to suggest that perhaps I should take the metra out to a nature preserve, or go out to the lake and enjoy the beach - insisting that if I keep a watch out for needles and broken glass I should be just fine.
I took for granted all those things North Carolina gave to me because my focus was on what I was missing out on. I was miserable because I didn't fit in. I was the odd 'mo out.
I still am.
In North Carolina I grew accustomed to being fundamentally separated from my peers.
In Chicago, I have yet to find my place in the fray, and remain with a sincere longing to connect.
I know there's nothing for it. These things come with time. I just don't want to miss out. I want to revel in the sunlight while there's still time.
I'm starting to sound like my best friend. She's been miserable since she moved up here.
You know what though ... positive attracts positive, and from the negative to the positive.
I like living in Chicago, and once I find my place, my group of friends, my social support network, my community - I am going to be so happy living here.
I am reminded that we are known by the company that we keep, and glad that I have such an awesome opportunity to choose my new friends wisely. One of my strengths is conversation, and I look forward to many new conversations with many new and wonderful faces.
And ... ... I've never been one to let a dog's territorial markings worry me one bit. I intend to sit beneath a tree and read in my neighborhood park.
I've been caught up lately in what can only be called ... frustration.
It's Summer. Summer in the City isn't like Summer in the Mountains. I see the sun come out and I want to go out and join with all of creation to celebrate. I just don't know how.
Back in Boone, Summer meant hiking. I would go out to Simms Creek, or down to Hebron, or Tripplette, or Goshen, or Thunder Hill, or to my parents' house and spend the day communing with the natural. Hiking, climbing, exploring, and most importantly basking in the sun.
Here, in Chicago I languish. From my "room" I look across the square at the children playing in the park, and I'm drawn to go out there, sit under a tree and read. But no one is sitting under the trees reading, because the trees have all been marked over and over again by the spray of neighborhood dogs. I begin to lose hope.
I came here to find my great adventure.
I cut away the cable anchoring me to my past and sailed at full mast into the eye of the storm. I never expected to see this side of it. The other side, the eye - I don't care, I just want to be glad for the calm, but I can find no rest, no recreation.
A girl I work with went downstairs to pick up her lunch and asked me to come with her. There in an air conditioned glass box I asked her - what do people do here during the Summer. She suggested the museum, or the shopping, or ... I cut her off there. I asked what people do if they want to enjoy the sun. She blinked a few times before explaining that is what people use their vacations for. Going on to suggest that perhaps I should take the metra out to a nature preserve, or go out to the lake and enjoy the beach - insisting that if I keep a watch out for needles and broken glass I should be just fine.
I took for granted all those things North Carolina gave to me because my focus was on what I was missing out on. I was miserable because I didn't fit in. I was the odd 'mo out.
I still am.
In North Carolina I grew accustomed to being fundamentally separated from my peers.
In Chicago, I have yet to find my place in the fray, and remain with a sincere longing to connect.
I know there's nothing for it. These things come with time. I just don't want to miss out. I want to revel in the sunlight while there's still time.
I'm starting to sound like my best friend. She's been miserable since she moved up here.
You know what though ... positive attracts positive, and from the negative to the positive.
I like living in Chicago, and once I find my place, my group of friends, my social support network, my community - I am going to be so happy living here.
I am reminded that we are known by the company that we keep, and glad that I have such an awesome opportunity to choose my new friends wisely. One of my strengths is conversation, and I look forward to many new conversations with many new and wonderful faces.
And ... ... I've never been one to let a dog's territorial markings worry me one bit. I intend to sit beneath a tree and read in my neighborhood park.