we all bleed, we all die, you don't believe it though it happens right before your eyes...
i talked to adam today for like an hour. i miss him alot much :( he said they messed up his parole date and it's in the computer as october 25th, 2005.. a day after i turn 20.. no way in hell he's gonna be in there that long i'll dig a big tunnel and find him somehow :o/. i guess they didn't give him time served but he's bringing it back to court so it should be ok. really really really hope so. this stuff really is scary. james kept giving me shit in court for goofing around.. and that i don't take it seriously.. i do take it seriously it's just that if i think about it too much it hurts too much. as long as you can crack a smile about something...anything.. ya won't go crazy... right? meh. as adam always said "never give up" and with this shit but i don't know how much more i can take of it.. not knowing hurts more, and killing time like this does also. i wish they weren't in there ,.,.,.,.,.,., "understanding" "friends forever, no matter what" "do you trust me? 'i have to.' why? 'because trust is a part of love'" "how do you know if you're gay?" "we'll hook up on the outside, when this is over" "let's be homies for halloween next year" "it's the price you have to pay to be famous on cape cod" "i don't know what happened.. i tried.. you can ask anyone..i really did.. you mean the world to me.." "we're robbing a fucking supermarket and you two are here doing whippets? what the hell?" "when does this ride fucking end" "thanks for giving me the best 7 seconds of my life" "now does that include cuddle and clean up?" "i could die like this.. with you" "never give up, never..."
wow. this sucks.
last week i went to white hen with asa and paul and we all took those stinger caffiene pills thingys, 20 each. and it made them hyper and stuff but i just got sick. like tripping kind of sick. they tell me stuff i said and did and it's fucked up. like crying and shit. i don't remember much of any of it though which makes me wanna take them again. because it makes you forget. maybe not then but after. if i do that again i'll take them alone cuz it sucks for someone else when someone's like that. just wanna forget though.. for a little while even.. hate thinking. much grr. and this time of year is a sad time of year. too much memories all at once. rachel broke up with justin.. i don't think i could write anything in here that wouldn't incriminate him in some way..lol.. so i'll just avoid that subject right now.
i hate when people lie about shit. that there isn't a reason to lie about. unless there really is a reasonm and that's why they're lieing. either way it hurts alot. it always hurts in that kind of situation but every time seems worse than the last. but yet ya know that it couldn't possibly be worse than some other shit. i don't know how paul and i get along but we do. i forgive him for all the shit that he did, and he forgives me for what i did in response to what he did.. which is all entirely fucked up in some kinda way. however you look at it. and it's a good feeling to actually be friends with him again, almost like before we went out, although sometimes remembering things really don't want to remember. i guess 16 was just a really bad year. everything about it was fucked up. all i remember from it is bad stuff. but i know he hurt too, maybe not in the same way but he did and i feel bad that he did.. and i'm sorry for causing some of it btu why he took so much out on me i don't understand. how can you trust anyone when the one person you trusted the most hurts you like that, over and over and over again? i probably deserved it, but it hurt so god damn much. i guess i just thought that things would get better, and go back to the way they used to be... but then again all i really wanted from him in the end was for him to still be my friend. and it's been almost 4 years but he is now. "the more you suffer, the more it shows you really care" watched case closed last night. it was a good one. blood on cartoon shows is always fantastic. i ended up sleeping over asa's because him, justin, rj, and me helped dirty daddy and his friends finish off a keg and he couldn't drive after. everyone did a keg stand, linda had 17 seconds adn rj had like 12 dirty daddy had 11 and i don't know what asa and justin had. i had 8 seconds but it was my first one ever. cold hot dogs just aren't as good as they used to be. cell phone works again now, so call if you're bored...in a random mood might go skate might go watch tv haven't really decided yet. free dropkick show was fun..saw ginn... i think i'm just gonna crash.
wow. this sucks.
last week i went to white hen with asa and paul and we all took those stinger caffiene pills thingys, 20 each. and it made them hyper and stuff but i just got sick. like tripping kind of sick. they tell me stuff i said and did and it's fucked up. like crying and shit. i don't remember much of any of it though which makes me wanna take them again. because it makes you forget. maybe not then but after. if i do that again i'll take them alone cuz it sucks for someone else when someone's like that. just wanna forget though.. for a little while even.. hate thinking. much grr. and this time of year is a sad time of year. too much memories all at once. rachel broke up with justin.. i don't think i could write anything in here that wouldn't incriminate him in some way..lol.. so i'll just avoid that subject right now.
i hate when people lie about shit. that there isn't a reason to lie about. unless there really is a reasonm and that's why they're lieing. either way it hurts alot. it always hurts in that kind of situation but every time seems worse than the last. but yet ya know that it couldn't possibly be worse than some other shit. i don't know how paul and i get along but we do. i forgive him for all the shit that he did, and he forgives me for what i did in response to what he did.. which is all entirely fucked up in some kinda way. however you look at it. and it's a good feeling to actually be friends with him again, almost like before we went out, although sometimes remembering things really don't want to remember. i guess 16 was just a really bad year. everything about it was fucked up. all i remember from it is bad stuff. but i know he hurt too, maybe not in the same way but he did and i feel bad that he did.. and i'm sorry for causing some of it btu why he took so much out on me i don't understand. how can you trust anyone when the one person you trusted the most hurts you like that, over and over and over again? i probably deserved it, but it hurt so god damn much. i guess i just thought that things would get better, and go back to the way they used to be... but then again all i really wanted from him in the end was for him to still be my friend. and it's been almost 4 years but he is now. "the more you suffer, the more it shows you really care" watched case closed last night. it was a good one. blood on cartoon shows is always fantastic. i ended up sleeping over asa's because him, justin, rj, and me helped dirty daddy and his friends finish off a keg and he couldn't drive after. everyone did a keg stand, linda had 17 seconds adn rj had like 12 dirty daddy had 11 and i don't know what asa and justin had. i had 8 seconds but it was my first one ever. cold hot dogs just aren't as good as they used to be. cell phone works again now, so call if you're bored...in a random mood might go skate might go watch tv haven't really decided yet. free dropkick show was fun..saw ginn... i think i'm just gonna crash.