A crisis of faith
How bad is it when the more you study your religion, the harder it is for you to accept it? I suppose it's unfair to phrase the question in such a way. I don't necessarily take issue with the faith itself, but more the politics and hierarchy and history of the church. The more I read the more I find stuff I don't like.
Some Catholics would tell me it shouldn't be about what I like or dislike because some truths are hard to accept. We should still accept them anyway. I suppose my frustration comes out of trying to understand how these truths were arrived at in the first place. We do not, and have not for some time, lived in an age where God comes down and speaks to us from mountaintops issuing commandments. The Pope doesn't have an angel sitting by his bedside dictating his next encyclical to him. We say the magisterium is guided by the Holy Spirit which makes its teachings infallible, but aren't we all supposed to be guided by the Holy Spirit in the formation of our consciences? If we search for answers and the answers we find are not aligned with a particular teaching, does that necessarily mean we want to believe in a lie?
Sure, the bishops and cardinals and popes dedicate their lives to prayer and study of scripture and theology so I suppose they are more knowledgeable on dogma and doctrine than the average churchgoer... but it still nags at the back of my mind that when Jesus chose his apostles they were average people, not priests. Why did He do that? Did the apostles know more about scripture than the priests did? Did they know the real truth, and that's why He chose them?
I know the bible says that Jesus chose his apostles and sent them out to spread the Word, but I don't necessarily think that He believed they would never make any mistakes. I mean, if God wanted to make sure His teachings were preserved intact, wouldn't He have sent a more reliable messenger than man? Yes I realize He sent the Holy Spirit with them. But again, man is free to listen or not as he chooses. That is the nature of the gift of free will. Can we ever be certain that anyone listens 100% of the time? I know I don't. As much as I wish I did I know I'm not perfect.
Sometimes I envy those who are so solidly firm in their faith in the church and their religion. It seems they have all the answers figured out. I don't have all the answers, and don't know if I ever will. Sometimes I wish I had the kind of confidence that they seem to have. They would tell me I just need to trust the church. Is that what it is? I am untrusting?
I don't know. I mean, maybe the Holy Spirit WAS with the men who drafted the minority report countering the final report of the Papal Commission on Population and Birth Control. Maybe God meant for the commission's report to fall into obscurity and the church's teaching on contraception upheld. Maybe it's all part of the plan. But then maybe God also meant for the final report to still be available, maybe it was part of the plan for us to find it. How can we say anything for sure?
Some Catholics would tell me it shouldn't be about what I like or dislike because some truths are hard to accept. We should still accept them anyway. I suppose my frustration comes out of trying to understand how these truths were arrived at in the first place. We do not, and have not for some time, lived in an age where God comes down and speaks to us from mountaintops issuing commandments. The Pope doesn't have an angel sitting by his bedside dictating his next encyclical to him. We say the magisterium is guided by the Holy Spirit which makes its teachings infallible, but aren't we all supposed to be guided by the Holy Spirit in the formation of our consciences? If we search for answers and the answers we find are not aligned with a particular teaching, does that necessarily mean we want to believe in a lie?
Sure, the bishops and cardinals and popes dedicate their lives to prayer and study of scripture and theology so I suppose they are more knowledgeable on dogma and doctrine than the average churchgoer... but it still nags at the back of my mind that when Jesus chose his apostles they were average people, not priests. Why did He do that? Did the apostles know more about scripture than the priests did? Did they know the real truth, and that's why He chose them?
I know the bible says that Jesus chose his apostles and sent them out to spread the Word, but I don't necessarily think that He believed they would never make any mistakes. I mean, if God wanted to make sure His teachings were preserved intact, wouldn't He have sent a more reliable messenger than man? Yes I realize He sent the Holy Spirit with them. But again, man is free to listen or not as he chooses. That is the nature of the gift of free will. Can we ever be certain that anyone listens 100% of the time? I know I don't. As much as I wish I did I know I'm not perfect.
Sometimes I envy those who are so solidly firm in their faith in the church and their religion. It seems they have all the answers figured out. I don't have all the answers, and don't know if I ever will. Sometimes I wish I had the kind of confidence that they seem to have. They would tell me I just need to trust the church. Is that what it is? I am untrusting?
I don't know. I mean, maybe the Holy Spirit WAS with the men who drafted the minority report countering the final report of the Papal Commission on Population and Birth Control. Maybe God meant for the commission's report to fall into obscurity and the church's teaching on contraception upheld. Maybe it's all part of the plan. But then maybe God also meant for the final report to still be available, maybe it was part of the plan for us to find it. How can we say anything for sure?