(no subject)
I think I could summarize my relationship issues with the simple following fact: the one person I love, my only soul mate, is married.
Normally that would not pose such an issue, except for the fact that the aforementioned woman is not married to me. Instead, she is married to someone I look at and the first thought to occur to me is: of course I am better than that. Now that sounds extremely conceited, I know. Especially considering I am the product of egalitarian hippie parents who raised me to think that we are all the same. Yes, yes. But for sure, I compare myself to the man she is with and am a standard deviation ahead in about every aspect save one. I am not sure that I have the ability to be a decent partner.
In every way society measures a man, I exceed him. I am from a good family (a gentlemen, so the inflammatory saying goes, check), much better education (doctoral degree, check), higher income (check), and I even look better! That last point is a rare one, at least from my perspective. However, when it comes down to it, maybe she is meant to be with him and I am destined to be alone since I seem to lack the ability to connect to another human being on that subconscious stream that everyone else seems to. Friends, family, and loved ones all seem to do it. However I, your poor narrator, cannot. I have no clue if it is something that I have always been missing or something that has been pruned out of me as I grew into whatever I am at the moment, but I know that I am missing it. For that reason, and that reason alone, I think she is better off. I love her too much to subject her to me. That isn't easy for me to write or see. I know she is better off.
Normally that would not pose such an issue, except for the fact that the aforementioned woman is not married to me. Instead, she is married to someone I look at and the first thought to occur to me is: of course I am better than that. Now that sounds extremely conceited, I know. Especially considering I am the product of egalitarian hippie parents who raised me to think that we are all the same. Yes, yes. But for sure, I compare myself to the man she is with and am a standard deviation ahead in about every aspect save one. I am not sure that I have the ability to be a decent partner.
In every way society measures a man, I exceed him. I am from a good family (a gentlemen, so the inflammatory saying goes, check), much better education (doctoral degree, check), higher income (check), and I even look better! That last point is a rare one, at least from my perspective. However, when it comes down to it, maybe she is meant to be with him and I am destined to be alone since I seem to lack the ability to connect to another human being on that subconscious stream that everyone else seems to. Friends, family, and loved ones all seem to do it. However I, your poor narrator, cannot. I have no clue if it is something that I have always been missing or something that has been pruned out of me as I grew into whatever I am at the moment, but I know that I am missing it. For that reason, and that reason alone, I think she is better off. I love her too much to subject her to me. That isn't easy for me to write or see. I know she is better off.