Me again...
I'm not sure what's going on anymore, talked to Ben for a little bit today and he tried to make me feel better, it worked for a bit, but I think I'm slipping back into my slump again.
I need some help in the worst way, but the problem is that no one can make the decision for me. Well someone thinks they can, but they are mistaken. I need to vent and this is what this is all about. I've cried off and on ever since my run in with John. He said some pretty cruel things to me this afternoon. He said that someone didn't know me well enough not to talk to me, he pretty much said that she didn't know any better... He's such a jerk. He follows me around like a stupid lost puppy, it's so freaking annoying and creepy all rolled into one giant ball of eww... He's the only person at my job that causes me any problems, everyone else is great, especially MG... =)
I don't think anyone can make me happy at this point but me, and I need to take action to do so. I'm just not sure where to start, and what I truly want to make me happy, I have a few ideas, we'll just see how they play out.
And OMG it's been 9 days and I'm dying here, I'm a ticking time bomb, I need some lovin' but like everything else in my life I'm gonna have to wait a while for that too. Uggg... I'm so frustrated with so many things in my life and I'm hoping that I make this long enough for people to lose interest and then move on to their next friends post...
There is just so much going on in my head and in the world around me that leads to sadness, confusion and all around uckyness... *sigh* It's the same old shit on top of new things, and I can't talk about any of it because all I'm doing is picking a fight. Like this post when it gets read it's going to be seen as me lashing out to start a fight. You know you may be right, I may pick fights, but ya know what?? You see me, you pay attention to me, you acknowledge that I am in your life when I do. I want so much for this to be ok with us, I try, and try, and try, but I get nothing in return, just that I need to bend more for you. Well I'm about to break, I'm not the only one in this thing. I need you to bend for me a bit, compromise, I know that's a dirty word to you but it's necessary in every relationship. But what do I know, just venting here.
Pretty much all that's left of me is self pity and self loathing, I so need validation, pathetic but true. I want to know and I want to hear that I'm wanted, needed, otherwise what's the point of it all... I wish I were a more independent girl, but is it really so bad that I depend on other people to bring certain things into my life?? It's not like I'm not financially dependent, that's why I live at home still. It's just that being with other people makes me happy, it's not like I need it all the time, I do enjoy my alone time. But sometimes a person just needs to be around other people... Like now, I could seriously use a hug that I don't have to ask for... I could really go for one of those... Some women crave chocolate, not me I crave non-requested hugs... not so tough, well at least I don't it's to much to ask. I know life is hectic, but I'm still here. And I'll be here, please don't forget about little ole me...
I need some help in the worst way, but the problem is that no one can make the decision for me. Well someone thinks they can, but they are mistaken. I need to vent and this is what this is all about. I've cried off and on ever since my run in with John. He said some pretty cruel things to me this afternoon. He said that someone didn't know me well enough not to talk to me, he pretty much said that she didn't know any better... He's such a jerk. He follows me around like a stupid lost puppy, it's so freaking annoying and creepy all rolled into one giant ball of eww... He's the only person at my job that causes me any problems, everyone else is great, especially MG... =)
I don't think anyone can make me happy at this point but me, and I need to take action to do so. I'm just not sure where to start, and what I truly want to make me happy, I have a few ideas, we'll just see how they play out.
And OMG it's been 9 days and I'm dying here, I'm a ticking time bomb, I need some lovin' but like everything else in my life I'm gonna have to wait a while for that too. Uggg... I'm so frustrated with so many things in my life and I'm hoping that I make this long enough for people to lose interest and then move on to their next friends post...
There is just so much going on in my head and in the world around me that leads to sadness, confusion and all around uckyness... *sigh* It's the same old shit on top of new things, and I can't talk about any of it because all I'm doing is picking a fight. Like this post when it gets read it's going to be seen as me lashing out to start a fight. You know you may be right, I may pick fights, but ya know what?? You see me, you pay attention to me, you acknowledge that I am in your life when I do. I want so much for this to be ok with us, I try, and try, and try, but I get nothing in return, just that I need to bend more for you. Well I'm about to break, I'm not the only one in this thing. I need you to bend for me a bit, compromise, I know that's a dirty word to you but it's necessary in every relationship. But what do I know, just venting here.
Pretty much all that's left of me is self pity and self loathing, I so need validation, pathetic but true. I want to know and I want to hear that I'm wanted, needed, otherwise what's the point of it all... I wish I were a more independent girl, but is it really so bad that I depend on other people to bring certain things into my life?? It's not like I'm not financially dependent, that's why I live at home still. It's just that being with other people makes me happy, it's not like I need it all the time, I do enjoy my alone time. But sometimes a person just needs to be around other people... Like now, I could seriously use a hug that I don't have to ask for... I could really go for one of those... Some women crave chocolate, not me I crave non-requested hugs... not so tough, well at least I don't it's to much to ask. I know life is hectic, but I'm still here. And I'll be here, please don't forget about little ole me...