The Day Sucked Ass...
I probably shouldn't be updating today because I'm in one of my blah, bitchy, "world is out to get me due to lack of meds" mood, but I need to get some shit out. Ok so not going to fucking Chicago, too damn far! I really don't want to leave Dallas, everything is here and I don't want to start over. I saw my mom today, and she's deteriorating, just waiting to die, and there is not a goddamn thing I can do about it. I can't handle everything. This is happening at the worst possible time. I have to make a college decision, thesis, school shit is starting back up, and I just don't care at the moment. I'm not happy. I'm not motivated. I'm not right in my fucking mind. And I shouldn't have to take a fucking pill to "fix" everything. Why can't I do this on my own? Why is this fucking life such a bitch? Why can't I go get high and not give a shit anymore? That's what I need, some fucking weed. Talking doesn't do any good. Crying doesn't do any good. Thinking sure as hell doesn't help. I can't cope with this. No one understands, and I don't expect you to. It just fucking hurts so much and I can't make it stop. What am I supposed to do? Everything seems so insignificant and useless. See? This is why I have to take a fucking pill, because my body can't handle itself. And I'm supposed to be able to help others in the same condition and worse? Bullshit. Is pure happiness too much to ask for? Apparently it is.
Goddamn you all. Life is the biggest fucking waste of time. I love her so much, and she deserves life so much, but she just sits all day, waiting. There better be a mother fucking heaven for her. Goddamn make it stop. I want a better life, but that's up to me. Oh wait no it's fucking not. There are some things you can't control, and those are the things that fuck you over. I can deal with all the petty shit in life, school, drama, money, etc. But watching the person you love the most, the person that deserves the basic functions of life, not even make eye contact with you and stare at a wall, waiting for the pain and suffering to end, is something that cannot be dealt with. So yea, think that I'm just bitching at this fucking world, just complaining about the petty shit. If so fuck you and go to hell.
I'm not fucking suicidal or cutting my wrists. I've been down that road. If I was going to kill my self I would've done it by now. And cutting your wrists helps, but the emotional pain just comes back, so fuck that. See? Nothing helps. I hope you never have to feel this kind of hurt. It's the worst. A feeling of hoplessness and being trapped in a world that teases you.
Oh, and no comments this time, I don't wanna hear it.
Goddamn you all. Life is the biggest fucking waste of time. I love her so much, and she deserves life so much, but she just sits all day, waiting. There better be a mother fucking heaven for her. Goddamn make it stop. I want a better life, but that's up to me. Oh wait no it's fucking not. There are some things you can't control, and those are the things that fuck you over. I can deal with all the petty shit in life, school, drama, money, etc. But watching the person you love the most, the person that deserves the basic functions of life, not even make eye contact with you and stare at a wall, waiting for the pain and suffering to end, is something that cannot be dealt with. So yea, think that I'm just bitching at this fucking world, just complaining about the petty shit. If so fuck you and go to hell.
I'm not fucking suicidal or cutting my wrists. I've been down that road. If I was going to kill my self I would've done it by now. And cutting your wrists helps, but the emotional pain just comes back, so fuck that. See? Nothing helps. I hope you never have to feel this kind of hurt. It's the worst. A feeling of hoplessness and being trapped in a world that teases you.
Oh, and no comments this time, I don't wanna hear it.