(no subject)
I have heard and felt things I never thought I would feel...a love for my family. It's been clearer now for me, the more I meditate, exactly how much I love them. The master (or since I call him teacher...teacher) had a talk with me today when we were over to learn meditation. He told me not to cry, not expecting that I would hear anything worth crying about, I agreed. Little did I know that he started talking to me about my parents, and my role as a big sister and a daughter. He told me that I had more power in my hand than I thought I did, he told me that the more I meditate, the more I can see from different sides of the spectrum. The better I can change my family and find a compromising way so that everyone is right and everyone wins. When he told me of the things I could do when I have a clearer mind, I also thought about this huge weight on my shoulders, so the only way my family will finally stop being so defensive is if I meditate and find a way? If I put in my time and effort when they just go along their business not having a care in the world? But, to my amazement, that thought vanished from my mind as quickly as it came. I have never felt more sure about anything in my life than knowing that I want to do this, to meditate, not only to better my posture so that I don't become all brittle and slouchy when I grow old, not because my teacher guarantees that I can lose weight from this...he lost at least 4kg in 2 weeks doing this...which is about 8.8 pounds. But to have a clearer mind and to handle my life in a different way, a better way. I probably don't make a lot of sense, but this is the best I can come up with to explain how I'm feeling. My teacher knows so much about everything, he has so much wisdom it's beyond words, I mean, just one look at him and you know that he's a man deserving respect. You know that just being in his presense was an honor. He knew, just by looking at me exactly what kind of a person I am, he as accepted pupils that way as well as rejected them. I was given even more of an honor because he gave me his own seat, (I don't know the name for it, it's kind of like a pillow that you sit on while you meditate, his students are even afraid to touch it. That's how highly respected he is.) with his name written on it, and with it, he handed down to me his name along with it. The name that his master gave him, I was speechless, what could I cay to such a moment like that? I was overtly honored for him to give me such a precious gift. I was already honored by his willingness to teach me, I was never prepared for this overwhelming experience. I'm still taking it all in, 8 hours later. But at the same time, along with this honor of my teacher having so much confidence in me, I also received a great amount of pressure, thoughts of, "what if I failed him?" and "what if I couldn't do it?" ran across my mind so many times that I got dizzy. But I just forced them down to the bottom my feet so that I could squish them dead. And forced myself and motivated myself that I will not fail him, I will continue to meditate at least 3 times a day like I kind of promised, I only promised him everyday. But he said that I had to do it at least 3 times a day if I wanted to lose any weight.
He also taught me about the analogy of two people are on opposite sides of a mountain, one thinks that he's looking at the right side, while the other feels the same about his side. My teacher said that with meditation, I will slowly climb that mountain until I reach the very top and see down upon all the right sides of the mountain, including those two people. That can be fitted into every single situation, whether it be politics, religion, or the simple matter of whether red matches blue.
He also found a similarity about meditating and my religion, he said, (not word for word, of course)"Jesus is filled with love for everyone, whether it be friends or enemy, we strive to be like him, to love one another. To love our enemies," and later explained that with meditation, I will begin to be filled love for everyone, not just my friends, but my enemies as well. And as you do so, you will find that you won't have anymore enemies, for you're not making them one. So therefore, it's a lot like trying to be like Jesus. (I hope my dad is satisfied with that so that he'll let me continue to meditate, it's not like I'm worshipping anything anyways...)
Anyways, that about sums it up about my overwhelming experience.
Tomorrow I'm going back to meditate, after that I'm hopefully going to the Taipei mall, YAY!! I'll take my video camera with me. So you all can see what you're missing haha *evil laugh* I know, I sound like a girl beyond my years don't I? But then...just because I've matured in some way doesn't mean I still don't have a childlike personality. Just out of curiosity...does anyone think that I have a kind heart? My teacher said that the moment he saw me he could tell that I did, since he could read people really well and all.
Anyways, I miss you all so very much, I miss my family, a part of my wishes these last 2 weeks would go by faster so that I could see you all, but a part of me wants to stay, I'm torn between the two...Well...I love you all, or at least I'm trying to, I have reached that level yet. hah.
~toodles
He also taught me about the analogy of two people are on opposite sides of a mountain, one thinks that he's looking at the right side, while the other feels the same about his side. My teacher said that with meditation, I will slowly climb that mountain until I reach the very top and see down upon all the right sides of the mountain, including those two people. That can be fitted into every single situation, whether it be politics, religion, or the simple matter of whether red matches blue.
He also found a similarity about meditating and my religion, he said, (not word for word, of course)"Jesus is filled with love for everyone, whether it be friends or enemy, we strive to be like him, to love one another. To love our enemies," and later explained that with meditation, I will begin to be filled love for everyone, not just my friends, but my enemies as well. And as you do so, you will find that you won't have anymore enemies, for you're not making them one. So therefore, it's a lot like trying to be like Jesus. (I hope my dad is satisfied with that so that he'll let me continue to meditate, it's not like I'm worshipping anything anyways...)
Anyways, that about sums it up about my overwhelming experience.
Tomorrow I'm going back to meditate, after that I'm hopefully going to the Taipei mall, YAY!! I'll take my video camera with me. So you all can see what you're missing haha *evil laugh* I know, I sound like a girl beyond my years don't I? But then...just because I've matured in some way doesn't mean I still don't have a childlike personality. Just out of curiosity...does anyone think that I have a kind heart? My teacher said that the moment he saw me he could tell that I did, since he could read people really well and all.
Anyways, I miss you all so very much, I miss my family, a part of my wishes these last 2 weeks would go by faster so that I could see you all, but a part of me wants to stay, I'm torn between the two...Well...I love you all, or at least I'm trying to, I have reached that level yet. hah.
~toodles