2014
A brand new year, A brand new start 2013 has come to a closure, so many experiences that I won't trade for anything in the world. I have finally closed a chapter of my polytechnic life, this 3 years have flew past and it has been one hell of a roller coaster ride, with deadlines submissions and exams to meet, succumbing to the politics and emotion turmoil of school life, but I have met so many teens from different walks of life, friends that i'll sincerely wish them all the best in anything that they do, linglin, apple, jieru, yan. I met the 4 of them in year one and we have gone through our fair share of up's and down's but they have never judged or condemn my wrong doings, and yet are still looking out for me in their different ways. I'm truly grateful for them that definitely made poly life less tedious and definitely more bearable, and in the later part of the years i met a whole different group of guy mates in school who i won't want to lose them as friends, probably I could deemed them as friends that i would want to escape to just not face reality for a while (:
I want to be stronger,more decisive in my decisions, less reliant, less stubborn, learnt to let go when it's time to do so and be more determined in the year 2014 regarding matters of the heart, and i have finally comprehend that my family would always be there for me through thick and thin. I want to know what i want and work towards my career, contemplating trying my hands on public relations once i graduate from university since i guess i fit the bill, but as of now i want to take a break regarding matters of the heart cause the whole of 2013 i have made myself so miserable that in the midst of it i have lost myself, sinking into endless pit holes, chasing after people that probably wasn't even mine to begin with. I'll take a step back now and focus on making myself happier and doing things that reap results and much more fruitful, channeling my energy to different aspects of my life, pursuing my uni, take driving, work out, getting a job before my uni starts and probably be able to reward myself with a holiday. Working out towards a better body^^, and wanting a nicer complexion with lesser blemishes please ): and taking care of my own well-being. I no longer want to pursue the idea of "love", "lust" or romance, i can't forget what I did to hold some of them back to prevent them from leaving, I got so mad I couldn't see the hurt it was so painful that i ended up inflicting self-hurt on myself in order to feel it, I had to drink/party like a drunkard bitch to forget, Friends thought i was going mad that i was starting to believe in it, cause how else can i prove my crazy actions? I was such an insecure bitch, never felt i was good enough for them, entertaining the thought that he would date others the moment i am not watching, i lied so many times out of fear but now i know, If it comes it will, and i finally understood if someone wants to make the effort towards you, you don't even have to do anything and there are so many circumstances whereby there isn't a second chance to salvage or make amendments just to make things right , probably it could be due to a couple of factors, your wants/ needs change, the feelings are no longer the same etc. You want it, you just have to grab/ fight for it at the moment cause once the moment has passed that's it, but most importantly I realised that I don't need anyone to continue walking my life, friends and families were placed in your life to give the illusion that your not alone, yeah sure there may be special occasions that I'll feel alone but i honestly want to deal with it by myself, nobody ever thinks i am capable of doing that probably cause to them i'm someone who changes guys really fast but hell no i don't, but i feel like i want to prove them wrong this time. I have cleanly forgotten when was the last time i had absolutely nobody or shall i say no boy in my life to provide companionship, i would constantly have someone there for me and yet i don't know how to handle such matters of the heart, so many mind games, too much emotions for me that I no longer want to try as of now. I have also understood that there is no point being upset or getting yourself deranged over a guy unless you see even a slight possibility that you'll end up marrying him, but no none of the guys i have ever been with have given me such security or hope, cause once you do not posses that determination/ strength or mindset to commit to the person and end up marrying him/ her that's when break ups' occur. Probably we are just too young and playful in the hope of finding a greener patch of grass on the other side. Contentment is probably another factor that is important which i have never felt by far or probably i haven't met someone that I would set my heart on being with for the rest of my life. I also hope that I'll learnt to accept the fact that people come and go, friends/ lovers may disappoint/hurt you, people may lie to you probably to protect themselves or out of their own interest, and these shitty people may want to be a part of your life but you just have to decipher the good and bad on your own. you hold the power of wanting them to be part of your life or not. Mistakes tends to be inevitable but i never fail to think of it as a package of growing up that i have signed up for, there would always bound to be up's and down's. Sometimes the down's may seem like it lasts forever and the happiness could be short lived but ultimately you just have to see if the sadness are really worth every bit of you. Lastly cheers to a better year ahead (:
I want to be stronger,more decisive in my decisions, less reliant, less stubborn, learnt to let go when it's time to do so and be more determined in the year 2014 regarding matters of the heart, and i have finally comprehend that my family would always be there for me through thick and thin. I want to know what i want and work towards my career, contemplating trying my hands on public relations once i graduate from university since i guess i fit the bill, but as of now i want to take a break regarding matters of the heart cause the whole of 2013 i have made myself so miserable that in the midst of it i have lost myself, sinking into endless pit holes, chasing after people that probably wasn't even mine to begin with. I'll take a step back now and focus on making myself happier and doing things that reap results and much more fruitful, channeling my energy to different aspects of my life, pursuing my uni, take driving, work out, getting a job before my uni starts and probably be able to reward myself with a holiday. Working out towards a better body^^, and wanting a nicer complexion with lesser blemishes please ): and taking care of my own well-being. I no longer want to pursue the idea of "love", "lust" or romance, i can't forget what I did to hold some of them back to prevent them from leaving, I got so mad I couldn't see the hurt it was so painful that i ended up inflicting self-hurt on myself in order to feel it, I had to drink/party like a drunkard bitch to forget, Friends thought i was going mad that i was starting to believe in it, cause how else can i prove my crazy actions? I was such an insecure bitch, never felt i was good enough for them, entertaining the thought that he would date others the moment i am not watching, i lied so many times out of fear but now i know, If it comes it will, and i finally understood if someone wants to make the effort towards you, you don't even have to do anything and there are so many circumstances whereby there isn't a second chance to salvage or make amendments just to make things right , probably it could be due to a couple of factors, your wants/ needs change, the feelings are no longer the same etc. You want it, you just have to grab/ fight for it at the moment cause once the moment has passed that's it, but most importantly I realised that I don't need anyone to continue walking my life, friends and families were placed in your life to give the illusion that your not alone, yeah sure there may be special occasions that I'll feel alone but i honestly want to deal with it by myself, nobody ever thinks i am capable of doing that probably cause to them i'm someone who changes guys really fast but hell no i don't, but i feel like i want to prove them wrong this time. I have cleanly forgotten when was the last time i had absolutely nobody or shall i say no boy in my life to provide companionship, i would constantly have someone there for me and yet i don't know how to handle such matters of the heart, so many mind games, too much emotions for me that I no longer want to try as of now. I have also understood that there is no point being upset or getting yourself deranged over a guy unless you see even a slight possibility that you'll end up marrying him, but no none of the guys i have ever been with have given me such security or hope, cause once you do not posses that determination/ strength or mindset to commit to the person and end up marrying him/ her that's when break ups' occur. Probably we are just too young and playful in the hope of finding a greener patch of grass on the other side. Contentment is probably another factor that is important which i have never felt by far or probably i haven't met someone that I would set my heart on being with for the rest of my life. I also hope that I'll learnt to accept the fact that people come and go, friends/ lovers may disappoint/hurt you, people may lie to you probably to protect themselves or out of their own interest, and these shitty people may want to be a part of your life but you just have to decipher the good and bad on your own. you hold the power of wanting them to be part of your life or not. Mistakes tends to be inevitable but i never fail to think of it as a package of growing up that i have signed up for, there would always bound to be up's and down's. Sometimes the down's may seem like it lasts forever and the happiness could be short lived but ultimately you just have to see if the sadness are really worth every bit of you. Lastly cheers to a better year ahead (: