Dreams on both sides of the rem cycle...
Wow. Its been a minute since i caught my lj up. In extremely brief terms:
In January, I briefly dated a Richmonder that was an amazing environmental artist. We spent a little less than a month together, as he was moving to Arizona. I knew what it was. I signed the waver. Despite being a borderline shrink, he didn't understand why i would be bummed out he was leaving. When he blew me off for another month, I flipped out, calling him out, and he took it as an attack and cut contact. Surprisingly, he did not remove me from face book. Bizarre.
Again, I felt used and useless. Just a chew toy, not good for much else.
My grandmother died of high grade b cell lymphoma. Between the starving, the pneumonia, the stroke, and a multitude of other problems compounding it, I'm amazed she survived as long as she did.
After having been hit on and given "offers" from boys i didn't really want to associate with let alone date, I paid the 40 bucks and got a month on match. Within 2 weeks, I had guys breaking down my door. During the firebombing of dates, worthy suitors earned City-based names, such as Mr. Chesapeake, mr. Rockville, and mr. Amelia. Well Mr. Amelia won the race.
Army Nat guard, iraq/Afghanistan vet. Country, not redneck. thick ass VA accent. I could go on about how amazing he is, but I shall simply refer to him as The Lieutenant from here on out to save you the girlish gushing.
I spent 24 hours straight with my Lieutenant this weekend, and it was marvelous. Greeted in a WWII uniform, Fancy French/American restaurant, a beautiful sleep, pizza and movies in bed. It really did feel like a vacation. If not from my life, from my own mind. What i wouldn't have given to wake up next to him again today.
Sometimes my dreams have a way of addressing aspects of my life that require some kind of closure. This morning, it addressed:
- how uncomfortable I am with how my legs look in relation to the rest of my body.
-my OCD and the fact that I can't control it.
-my attempts to reach out to Taylor proving useless and even blowing up in my face. He looked at me like he knew he was in the wrong, and yet wouldn't apologize.
Ugh, sleep and I never really got along.
Night before last, while sleeping next to Jon, I also dreamt badly. I know it was violent, and bloody, but I forgot it within minutes, nay, seconds, upon waking.
I suppose I should go get my day started. :/
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