This year sucked...
Not going to lie, this year was terrible. I was trying to think of at least a few good things that happened, but I really haven't had much luck.
In fact, it seems to only be getting worse the past few days. I guess those around me felt as if I did not have enough of a shitty year that it needed to be laid on thick these final days.
Today has me in a terrible mood. I'm starting to think that this life isn't even worth it. I'm starting to think that it would be easier - and so much better - if I were to just leave this world.
I try not to think like that, I really do. And usually Jacob is enough to convince me that I should stay. But, it just doesn't seem worth it anymore. I'm so fucking tired of everything. I don't want to be here anymore, and yet I feel stuck here. I just want to be done with this place. But I don't know how to do that. I don't think there is anywhere for me to go right now. It would be much too hard for me to try and make it on my own.
There is school, yes, but it doesn't seem like that will do much. I guess it will give me time away from here, but it's all only temporary. It sucks.
Would it really be better to just give up now? Is it really giving up, or is it just that I've had enough?
I know I've had enough. But maybe I should just move on past this situation...if I can ever figure out how.
Killing myself is too permanent.
That's what I'm supposed to be thinking. ...
But then why am I still thinking about ending it all tonight...
I'm sure no one will read this, so it doesn't really matter, does it?
In fact, it seems to only be getting worse the past few days. I guess those around me felt as if I did not have enough of a shitty year that it needed to be laid on thick these final days.
Today has me in a terrible mood. I'm starting to think that this life isn't even worth it. I'm starting to think that it would be easier - and so much better - if I were to just leave this world.
I try not to think like that, I really do. And usually Jacob is enough to convince me that I should stay. But, it just doesn't seem worth it anymore. I'm so fucking tired of everything. I don't want to be here anymore, and yet I feel stuck here. I just want to be done with this place. But I don't know how to do that. I don't think there is anywhere for me to go right now. It would be much too hard for me to try and make it on my own.
There is school, yes, but it doesn't seem like that will do much. I guess it will give me time away from here, but it's all only temporary. It sucks.
Would it really be better to just give up now? Is it really giving up, or is it just that I've had enough?
I know I've had enough. But maybe I should just move on past this situation...if I can ever figure out how.
Killing myself is too permanent.
That's what I'm supposed to be thinking. ...
But then why am I still thinking about ending it all tonight...
I'm sure no one will read this, so it doesn't really matter, does it?