Chapter Zero: In Which Our Heroine Discovers Depths Hitherto Unknown
I just thought the world ought to know how happy I am right this very moment.
(Even though I am coming down with bronchitis. Even though I haven't found a new apartment yet. Even though I don't know how money is going to be in the next couple months. Even though I don't know if I have the emotional strength to see my family for Thanksgiving. Even though I haven't even started packing to move in three weeks.)
I am happy. Extraordinarily happy, even.
I am living a life filled with an incredible amount of love right now and it has kind of blindsided me. Seattle has finally begun to feel like home to me, which I somewhat believed would never happen. I mean, Bellingham has been my heart for a long time. Even when I felt like the city had turned like a snake in my hand, or that the people in it had forgotten me, I still loved it there. Really, I still do love it. But there are things I would be completely unwilling to leave behind here, now.
I am moving to Capitol Hill soon, to be nearer the center of the city. Despite my lack of organization about moving, I hope that it will be a nice change. I hate my current apartment, which is cramped and has NO CLOSETS. Also, there are horrifyingly large spiders. I want to live in an interesting turn-of-the-century brick building with the possibility of being able to paint the walls. Also, I want a fabulously oversized bathtub.
It took a million years or so, but I finally found a group of friends that feel like family. I've felt indescribably alone for the last six months or so. Yes, I know that I have a live-in boyfriend and I had friends down here already, but those friends' schedules don't always mesh so well with my own. It's hard to feel included when you only see people every couple of weeks or months. Not driving just adds to the difficulty.
Honestly, I haven't even been spending time with these (awesome, brilliant) people too terribly long, but sometimes everything just clicks at the right moment in the right time, you know?
I think I've finally lost that edge of pure terror that moving to Seattle placed within me. It seemed like the only way to make my life okay again, but damned if it wasn't the most difficult move I've ever made.
I came to Seattle with one wonderful boy in my life, thinking that I was going to try my damnedest to make something good work in my life for once. Thus far, it has worked out. Despite all of my Crazy getting all over everything, somehow we're still managing to be lovely together. We help each other learn, despite our frustrations with the world.
I found another amazing boy. Funny enough, I think heartbreak led us to one another. He makes me feel like a piece of myself had been walking around without me for a long, long time and I just didn't know why it was that I felt so incomplete. Until now, that is.
It's nice to have proven something to myself that I always believed to be true. I can have love with more than one extraordinary person without guilt or undue pain.
It makes me look forward to what the future holds.
(Even though I am coming down with bronchitis. Even though I haven't found a new apartment yet. Even though I don't know how money is going to be in the next couple months. Even though I don't know if I have the emotional strength to see my family for Thanksgiving. Even though I haven't even started packing to move in three weeks.)
I am happy. Extraordinarily happy, even.
I am living a life filled with an incredible amount of love right now and it has kind of blindsided me. Seattle has finally begun to feel like home to me, which I somewhat believed would never happen. I mean, Bellingham has been my heart for a long time. Even when I felt like the city had turned like a snake in my hand, or that the people in it had forgotten me, I still loved it there. Really, I still do love it. But there are things I would be completely unwilling to leave behind here, now.
I am moving to Capitol Hill soon, to be nearer the center of the city. Despite my lack of organization about moving, I hope that it will be a nice change. I hate my current apartment, which is cramped and has NO CLOSETS. Also, there are horrifyingly large spiders. I want to live in an interesting turn-of-the-century brick building with the possibility of being able to paint the walls. Also, I want a fabulously oversized bathtub.
It took a million years or so, but I finally found a group of friends that feel like family. I've felt indescribably alone for the last six months or so. Yes, I know that I have a live-in boyfriend and I had friends down here already, but those friends' schedules don't always mesh so well with my own. It's hard to feel included when you only see people every couple of weeks or months. Not driving just adds to the difficulty.
Honestly, I haven't even been spending time with these (awesome, brilliant) people too terribly long, but sometimes everything just clicks at the right moment in the right time, you know?
I think I've finally lost that edge of pure terror that moving to Seattle placed within me. It seemed like the only way to make my life okay again, but damned if it wasn't the most difficult move I've ever made.
I came to Seattle with one wonderful boy in my life, thinking that I was going to try my damnedest to make something good work in my life for once. Thus far, it has worked out. Despite all of my Crazy getting all over everything, somehow we're still managing to be lovely together. We help each other learn, despite our frustrations with the world.
I found another amazing boy. Funny enough, I think heartbreak led us to one another. He makes me feel like a piece of myself had been walking around without me for a long, long time and I just didn't know why it was that I felt so incomplete. Until now, that is.
It's nice to have proven something to myself that I always believed to be true. I can have love with more than one extraordinary person without guilt or undue pain.
It makes me look forward to what the future holds.