(no subject)
It's amazing. I know that I use that word entirely too much, but it's the accurate word in this case. Because it's amazing that my friends are so absolutely beautiful/brilliant/lovely/intelligent/creative/spectacular/talented/A-FUCKING-MAZING.
I guess that it isn't really that amazing. But they manage to constantly leave me in awe, just by their very presence near me. I don't let them in enough, I know. But that is an impossibility for me. Not as much as it used to be, but still more difficult than it should be. Sad. I know.
I love the people in my life. I have to neglect some of them sometimes because of the way my mind works, which sucks. It sucks a lot. It sucks some kind of overly large animal penis. And it hurts me. But I feel like a bee. I am completely unable to linger in one place too long right now. Or around one specific person or specific group. I hate that. But I feel like I need to validate so many people as much as I can (which I know isn't my job, isn't what I need to be doing, isn't something that anyone should need anyone else for, but I DON'T CARE.), in the ways I have available to me. I want the people around me to feel like I love them. Because I do. Also, I have found that expressing the love and awestruck-ness I feel for the people around me seems to validate me. It is reciprocal. That is what people express to me. I believe these people. That is different to me. Well, in comparison to my past perceptions.
Hope this all made sense. I have been drinking, so maybe it's scattered and silly and not at all sensible-sounding. But it is how I feel at this very moment. So there.
I guess that it isn't really that amazing. But they manage to constantly leave me in awe, just by their very presence near me. I don't let them in enough, I know. But that is an impossibility for me. Not as much as it used to be, but still more difficult than it should be. Sad. I know.
I love the people in my life. I have to neglect some of them sometimes because of the way my mind works, which sucks. It sucks a lot. It sucks some kind of overly large animal penis. And it hurts me. But I feel like a bee. I am completely unable to linger in one place too long right now. Or around one specific person or specific group. I hate that. But I feel like I need to validate so many people as much as I can (which I know isn't my job, isn't what I need to be doing, isn't something that anyone should need anyone else for, but I DON'T CARE.), in the ways I have available to me. I want the people around me to feel like I love them. Because I do. Also, I have found that expressing the love and awestruck-ness I feel for the people around me seems to validate me. It is reciprocal. That is what people express to me. I believe these people. That is different to me. Well, in comparison to my past perceptions.
Hope this all made sense. I have been drinking, so maybe it's scattered and silly and not at all sensible-sounding. But it is how I feel at this very moment. So there.