mood swings
I am crying.
I was happy and bouncy an hour ago. Somehow I've lost three or four hours through the hypnotic power of the internet. It seems like the sun was shining a minute ago.
I want out of here.
I swear that the shuffle feature on iTunes is conspiring against me. I began to feel a little down while talking to someone on IM (who also makes me sad, a little). Then, in succession, iTunes played Wicked Game by Chris Isaak, 6 Underground by the Sneakerpimps, Knock Me Out by Linda Perry and Grace Slick, and some other songs that pushed the down arrow on my emotional elevator.
Now all I need is it to shuffle to NIN's Something I Can Never Have, The Decemberists' Leslie Anne Levine, and Patsy Cline's Crazy. Then I can go end my life.
(imagine that last sentence said in a sarcastic tone, while i raise a sardonic eyebrow. i am not suicidal.)
On the bright side, I have black and tan ice cream. It is chocolate and cream stout flavored. Which is awesome.
On the down side, I am out of both cigarettes and money. Until Wednesday.
I'm going to go figure out how to be emotionally numb again. Not in a repressive and dramatic kind of way. I just know that I have the ability to 'forget' that I'm depressed. I will still feel a low-level anxiety, but no crying will happen. My stomach won't be twisting itself into non-Euclidean angles and I won't feel as if Cthulhu is awakening from the depths of my skull in the most throbbingly painful way possible.
It isn't emotional numbness, really. It's just like insulating my walls.
I was happy and bouncy an hour ago. Somehow I've lost three or four hours through the hypnotic power of the internet. It seems like the sun was shining a minute ago.
I want out of here.
I swear that the shuffle feature on iTunes is conspiring against me. I began to feel a little down while talking to someone on IM (who also makes me sad, a little). Then, in succession, iTunes played Wicked Game by Chris Isaak, 6 Underground by the Sneakerpimps, Knock Me Out by Linda Perry and Grace Slick, and some other songs that pushed the down arrow on my emotional elevator.
Now all I need is it to shuffle to NIN's Something I Can Never Have, The Decemberists' Leslie Anne Levine, and Patsy Cline's Crazy. Then I can go end my life.
(imagine that last sentence said in a sarcastic tone, while i raise a sardonic eyebrow. i am not suicidal.)
On the bright side, I have black and tan ice cream. It is chocolate and cream stout flavored. Which is awesome.
On the down side, I am out of both cigarettes and money. Until Wednesday.
I'm going to go figure out how to be emotionally numb again. Not in a repressive and dramatic kind of way. I just know that I have the ability to 'forget' that I'm depressed. I will still feel a low-level anxiety, but no crying will happen. My stomach won't be twisting itself into non-Euclidean angles and I won't feel as if Cthulhu is awakening from the depths of my skull in the most throbbingly painful way possible.
It isn't emotional numbness, really. It's just like insulating my walls.