Advice, 101
So ... I've noticed that my relational woes are not uncommon lately. Or, well, ever. I got to thinking, reading Anya's list of what she wants in the man she'll love, and I started jotting things down, and before I knew it ... it got kind of long!
Thought I might post it, just a touch of wisdom (? I hope) learned from personal experience, and lots of secondhand experience, many tears cried into my shoulders and shaky "if he would only..."s falling on my ears.
So.
Utilize the Triangle of Luv
o Flowers.
o Chocolate.
o Jewelry. (use diamonds with caution)
Surprise her.
o If you know she’s always exhausted but always running late, wait for her outside her 8am class with a cup of coffee.
o Stop by her work without telling her, because you know she’ll be there, and just say hi.
o Mail her a card, or call her, or stop by her place for no reason.
Take care of her.
o If she’s sick, you should be in charge of securing chicken noodle soup (and yes, carnivores, it would be good to cook and add more chicken since the canned variety doesn’t have nearly enough) and elusive oyster crackers.
o If she has a bad day, Ben and Jerry’s is the Tiffany’s of ice cream.
o If she’s cold, give her your jacket. Or your sweatshirt. Or the shirt on your back, as my friend Elliot once did for a girl he dated.
Support her silently. If she likes it, and you criticize it, she hears you criticize her.
o Listen to her music and don’t complain about it, whether it’s too lovey, or it’s country, or it’s all angry chick singers.
o Pick a movie you know she’ll love, even if you hate it. Just once in a while.
o Humor her when she says something is “so cute!” even if you can’t understand what it’s supposed to be, let alone why it’s supposedly cute.
Give in to her.
o Let her take care of you, even if it’s in stupid little ways that seem kind of demeaning. She wants to feel needed.
o If she really wants you to wear a tie to her sister’s wedding, don’t try and convince her that the “whole European jeans and a blazer thing will be fine!” Just wear the damn tie.
o If she drops hints about wanting something, it’s okay to pick up on them once in a while, even if it’s blatant. She assumes you’re too ignorant to notice, so if you do, she’ll be swept off her feet.
Pamper her.
o Day spas, massages, manicures, pedicures and facials are always well appreciated, especially unexpectedly.
o Next time she pouts, sit down in front of her and massage her feet. She’ll warm up again in a heartbeat (warning: excessive use of foot massage may induce pouting in order to obtain it)
o She loves cheesecake. She had half a salad for dinner. She refuses to order dessert and claims the lettuce has her stuffed. You know she’s having what she describes to you as “a fat day” (even though you have no idea what she’s talking about, she doesn’t look any more fat than every other day). Order the cheesecake anyway. And then feed it to her.
Be physical.
o Cuddle.
o Just be gentle with her in general.
o Rub noses.
o Massage.
o Foreplay. Lots and lots and lots of foreplay.
o More foreplay.
o Give as much as you receive, if you get my drift.
Listen.
o Don’t pretend to, actually listen.
o Don’t say anything until she is completely finished. Do not mistake pauses for completion.
o Whether she’s sad that her grandma died, hurt that you forgot her birthday, angry that her boss made her stay late at work, happy that she found pants that fit PERFECTLY … whether or not you care, she does, and she wants you to share that. So shut your mouth, hold her hands, look into her eyes and open your ears and really listen to her!
Fight responsibly.
o Hold hands whenever you argue.
o Fight only in person. Refuse to fight over the phone, IM, email or anything else, unless you are separated by many, many, many, many miles for a very, very, very, very long period of time.
o Don’t be afraid to apologize, but only do so when you genuinely are sorry. If you aren’t sorry, then explain why you are feeling what are you, or why you decided/did what you did. You are a man, be mature and act like one.
Respect her (by HER standards of respect). You have no excuse not to. Ever.
o Physically.
o Emotionally.
o Intellectually.
o Spiritually.
Don’t smother her, or let her smother you.
o Be sure to spend time with your friends, plan a few Man Dates, don’t lose your life outside of her.
o Encourage (whether this means pushing or just smiling and saying “okay I’ll see you tomorrow then instead”, depending on the girl) her to continue seeking out her friends.
o Talk to her about what is okay, what is not okay, what makes you worry, what makes you jealous (and the same for her) regarding each of your cross-gender friendships. And then live by that knowledge. If necessary, sit down and talk with each others’ closest cross-gender friends as well.
Love her.
o Learn her love languages, and then love her how she will appreciate it most, and seek to understand why she loves you the ways she does.
o Tell her you love her, in so many words, and in more. Often enough that she’ll always know, not so often that you get used to saying it and forget what it means.
o Treat her like the priority in your life that she deserves to be.
Prayer.
o Pray for her.
o Pray with her.
o Ask her to pray for you.
My advice to you.
in His love,
~Lisa
ps- Ladies, feel free to add to this. Gents, feel free to respond. Maybe I got it all wrong!
EDIT: I want to clarify, I don't mean to say that any man needs to do anything on this list (well, there are a few that are necessary, like the respect, and prayer, stuff), but just that I think if any man did everything on this list, it would be hard to not call him Perfect.
I also don't think everything on this list should be done regularly, or frequently. Some, yes, others no. We would probably stop appreciating the littler things (and maybe some of the bigger ones) if they happened all the time. And taking you for granted is the last thing we want.
I am ALSO not trying to point fingers, or request anything from anyone, although some of you may notice things I've stolen from your relationships, or relationships of our mutual friends, that I love and think more relationships should have. :)
Thought I might post it, just a touch of wisdom (? I hope) learned from personal experience, and lots of secondhand experience, many tears cried into my shoulders and shaky "if he would only..."s falling on my ears.
So.
Utilize the Triangle of Luv
o Flowers.
o Chocolate.
o Jewelry. (use diamonds with caution)
Surprise her.
o If you know she’s always exhausted but always running late, wait for her outside her 8am class with a cup of coffee.
o Stop by her work without telling her, because you know she’ll be there, and just say hi.
o Mail her a card, or call her, or stop by her place for no reason.
Take care of her.
o If she’s sick, you should be in charge of securing chicken noodle soup (and yes, carnivores, it would be good to cook and add more chicken since the canned variety doesn’t have nearly enough) and elusive oyster crackers.
o If she has a bad day, Ben and Jerry’s is the Tiffany’s of ice cream.
o If she’s cold, give her your jacket. Or your sweatshirt. Or the shirt on your back, as my friend Elliot once did for a girl he dated.
Support her silently. If she likes it, and you criticize it, she hears you criticize her.
o Listen to her music and don’t complain about it, whether it’s too lovey, or it’s country, or it’s all angry chick singers.
o Pick a movie you know she’ll love, even if you hate it. Just once in a while.
o Humor her when she says something is “so cute!” even if you can’t understand what it’s supposed to be, let alone why it’s supposedly cute.
Give in to her.
o Let her take care of you, even if it’s in stupid little ways that seem kind of demeaning. She wants to feel needed.
o If she really wants you to wear a tie to her sister’s wedding, don’t try and convince her that the “whole European jeans and a blazer thing will be fine!” Just wear the damn tie.
o If she drops hints about wanting something, it’s okay to pick up on them once in a while, even if it’s blatant. She assumes you’re too ignorant to notice, so if you do, she’ll be swept off her feet.
Pamper her.
o Day spas, massages, manicures, pedicures and facials are always well appreciated, especially unexpectedly.
o Next time she pouts, sit down in front of her and massage her feet. She’ll warm up again in a heartbeat (warning: excessive use of foot massage may induce pouting in order to obtain it)
o She loves cheesecake. She had half a salad for dinner. She refuses to order dessert and claims the lettuce has her stuffed. You know she’s having what she describes to you as “a fat day” (even though you have no idea what she’s talking about, she doesn’t look any more fat than every other day). Order the cheesecake anyway. And then feed it to her.
Be physical.
o Cuddle.
o Just be gentle with her in general.
o Rub noses.
o Massage.
o Foreplay. Lots and lots and lots of foreplay.
o More foreplay.
o Give as much as you receive, if you get my drift.
Listen.
o Don’t pretend to, actually listen.
o Don’t say anything until she is completely finished. Do not mistake pauses for completion.
o Whether she’s sad that her grandma died, hurt that you forgot her birthday, angry that her boss made her stay late at work, happy that she found pants that fit PERFECTLY … whether or not you care, she does, and she wants you to share that. So shut your mouth, hold her hands, look into her eyes and open your ears and really listen to her!
Fight responsibly.
o Hold hands whenever you argue.
o Fight only in person. Refuse to fight over the phone, IM, email or anything else, unless you are separated by many, many, many, many miles for a very, very, very, very long period of time.
o Don’t be afraid to apologize, but only do so when you genuinely are sorry. If you aren’t sorry, then explain why you are feeling what are you, or why you decided/did what you did. You are a man, be mature and act like one.
Respect her (by HER standards of respect). You have no excuse not to. Ever.
o Physically.
o Emotionally.
o Intellectually.
o Spiritually.
Don’t smother her, or let her smother you.
o Be sure to spend time with your friends, plan a few Man Dates, don’t lose your life outside of her.
o Encourage (whether this means pushing or just smiling and saying “okay I’ll see you tomorrow then instead”, depending on the girl) her to continue seeking out her friends.
o Talk to her about what is okay, what is not okay, what makes you worry, what makes you jealous (and the same for her) regarding each of your cross-gender friendships. And then live by that knowledge. If necessary, sit down and talk with each others’ closest cross-gender friends as well.
Love her.
o Learn her love languages, and then love her how she will appreciate it most, and seek to understand why she loves you the ways she does.
o Tell her you love her, in so many words, and in more. Often enough that she’ll always know, not so often that you get used to saying it and forget what it means.
o Treat her like the priority in your life that she deserves to be.
Prayer.
o Pray for her.
o Pray with her.
o Ask her to pray for you.
My advice to you.
in His love,
~Lisa
ps- Ladies, feel free to add to this. Gents, feel free to respond. Maybe I got it all wrong!
EDIT: I want to clarify, I don't mean to say that any man needs to do anything on this list (well, there are a few that are necessary, like the respect, and prayer, stuff), but just that I think if any man did everything on this list, it would be hard to not call him Perfect.
I also don't think everything on this list should be done regularly, or frequently. Some, yes, others no. We would probably stop appreciating the littler things (and maybe some of the bigger ones) if they happened all the time. And taking you for granted is the last thing we want.
I am ALSO not trying to point fingers, or request anything from anyone, although some of you may notice things I've stolen from your relationships, or relationships of our mutual friends, that I love and think more relationships should have. :)