Help...but DON'T help
When I first started going down on the Effexor, I started having little swings, leaning more toward down moods. But then I started having more little hypomanic episodes. The lower I got on dosage, the bigger the swings got...the highs higher, and the lows lower. I thought this was weird, since it's supposed to be an antidepressant, not a mood stabilizer. But the more my moods have been swinging (I had that one awful night where the idea of walking into the water and disappearing sounded so compelling), the more I've realized that though I may have needed more and more in order to avoid depression, I hadn't truly felt any real emotion in a VERY, very long time. I'm down to granules, now, and since that one terrible night, other than crying at the drop of a hat, I've become more and more hypomanic, and loving every minute of it. I even babbled my pastor's head off after church. Usually I sneak out without even talking to anybody. Even actually being able to CRY cry...to really FEEL it, if this makes any sense. Just to be able to know I have emotions. It's been so long. It feels so good.
I've decided I'm going to fill my rx for the Wellbutrin and Celexa, just so I have it, but I'm going to see how I do on just the Lamictal. Hopefully, it'll keep me from going off the deep end. I did begin to scare myself tonight, rambling on to myself, the cats, the roaches, the tv, getting a bit delusional, with my mind racing so fast and jumping to so many subjects without a break, but it calmed down eventually. If it gets any worse, I'll go up on my Lamictal, cuz I have a pretty good stockpile of it. If I get too depressed, I'll have the AD's.
WHY AM I TALKING ABOUT MEDS??!! I HATE meds. But I love hypomania. But I'm sick of talking about bipolar. But I can't think of anything else! Make my brain stop.
I gotta try and get some sleep. I know this doesn't make a bit of sense. I'm sorry.
I've decided I'm going to fill my rx for the Wellbutrin and Celexa, just so I have it, but I'm going to see how I do on just the Lamictal. Hopefully, it'll keep me from going off the deep end. I did begin to scare myself tonight, rambling on to myself, the cats, the roaches, the tv, getting a bit delusional, with my mind racing so fast and jumping to so many subjects without a break, but it calmed down eventually. If it gets any worse, I'll go up on my Lamictal, cuz I have a pretty good stockpile of it. If I get too depressed, I'll have the AD's.
WHY AM I TALKING ABOUT MEDS??!! I HATE meds. But I love hypomania. But I'm sick of talking about bipolar. But I can't think of anything else! Make my brain stop.
I gotta try and get some sleep. I know this doesn't make a bit of sense. I'm sorry.