ATS: The Seduction of Cordelia Chase Pt2
Title: The Seduction of Cordelia Chase
Author: Psychofilly
Parts:2
Pating: PG - NC17
Disclaimer: All belongs to the Joss-god.
Summary: This was a loose collection of short fics, that evolved. Angel knows what he wants, now he just has to convince the other party. Buffy makes a seemingly inconsequential appearance and the gang finds themselves thrown into the middle of rather uncomfortable circumstances.
TLC
"Hold still!"
"I AM!"
"Cordy...your all over the map here."
"Well, your hands are cold, and THAT tickles."
His eyebrow arched. "I'd like to finish before you bleed to death. He steadied her knee with his elbows, trying to keep her still while he taped on the bandage.
"Pffft. It's just a scratch...There is hardly any more blood...See? She spread her thighs a little wider.
Angels thoughts were not on blood. His eyes were drawn to the V of her crotch, his hands suddenly clumsy.
"Ow!" Cordy smacked him lightly on the side of the head. Perverted much? "Watch the hands you dweeb."
His lips parted into a cheeky grin. "I thought you said it was just a scratch?"
"I never said it didn't hurt like hell."
He finished wrapping clean gauze around the bandage. Careful of the deep gash his hand came to rest high on her inner thigh. The other squeezed her knee. "All done."
She smiled broadly and ran her hand through his hair. "Your turn."
"Oh, goody." He answered dryly.
"Hey, you patch my leg, I'll patch yours. Besides, what are friends for if not to get injured together?"
"Misery loves company."
She chuckled, "Something like that." She pulled out fresh medical supplies, cocking an eyebrow in his direction. "Pant's off Buster...I don't have all night."
Angel quickly fumbled his belt off and undid his pants, letting them drop to the floor. This hadn't been how he had envisioned enticing her up to his room, but after the week they'd had...beggars can't be choosers.
Last weeks lull had been followed by a flood of cases and another attack on Angel's son. All arguments had been put aside as well as any more attempts to win Cordelia's affections. There simply hadn't been time.
One thing had come of it though. Repetition, familiarity...habit. Cordelia no longer questioned or flinched from Angel's morning kisses.
"Oh, Angel." She breathed, her face stern. "You should have let me see this right away."
He shook his head. "YOU were hurt."
She sighed at his incomprehensible expression. Her doofy white knight She wondered for the billionth time by what quirk of fate she had ended up tied for life to this man. The thought filled her with joy, tempered by an undefinable ache.
All it would take is the smallest shift. A simple matter of not brushing him away when he touched her, to simply quit running when he gave chase, but the consequences of such inaction scared her. What scared her more than anything was the question...Why
"Cordy?"
"Hmmm."
"You going to start sometime...today, maybe?"
"Nooo, I thought I'd let you bleed out all over your pretty hardwood floor...Sit down."
He limped to the bed as she pulled a small ottoman in front of him. Why didn't he think of that? He was stiff from kneeling and weak from bloodloss, but he'd live. He could already feel the healing process stirring a deep ache in his torn muscles.
Cordy began to clean the wound...wounds. He had a long nasty scrape from kneecap to ankle and a shorter but very deep gash in almost the exact same spot on his inner thigh as hers. It was just on the opposite leg. Ah the joys of being simultaneously gored by a two horned Acknard demon.
He winced, leaning back on his elbows. He looked uncharacteristically vulnerable resting there in his boxers and undershirt. She bet if she lifted his shirt she'd find a whole assortment of bruises and scratches, but she knew from experience that they would heal soon enough on their own. She heard a soft hiss of pain as she began to clean the scrape.
"Baby."
"It hurts."
"I would think you'd be used to it by now, besides...I thought vampires got off on a little pain."
"It hurts...a lot." he grunted.
She gently dabbed the dirt away. She let her mind wander, asking random questions, letting her tongue roll off with whatever came to mind. "So, is it hard?"
"Huh?" he squeaked. "What?"
"When we get hurt. Gunn had a pretty nasty cut on his head, Wes' split lip...my leg."
"Sooo."
"That adds up to a lot of tasty O pos goodness."
"And your point is...what exactly?" How come he was suddenly nervous?
"Well, when were all around you bleeding and wounded...do you start looking at us like big walking T-Bones or something?"
He frowned. She had managed to throw him completely off guard. 'Where did that thought come from?"
"Haven't you ever seen Woody Woodpecker, or Chilly Willie?"
He just sat there a bemused expression on his face.
"So?" She prodded.
He sat up, shaking his head, his dark eyes gauging Cordy's open curious face. Cordelia had a knack for asking the bluntest, most tactless, bizarre questions on the face of the planet. These sorts of conversations were nothing new, they just rarely were so directly about him. He wanted to be honest, hell he was too tired for much else, but...He looked closer at her expectant face and realized that she'd expect no less than the unvarnished truth...It was just her way.
"Sometimes."
"So what we look like 'Happy Meals' with legs, or something?"
He laughed, then groaned as she poked her fingers deep in his wound. "Fuck Cordy."
"Sorry."
Angel continued, if anything to keep his mind off the fact that she had her fingers deep inside the muscles of one thigh, digging out god knows what, while her hair was tickling across the skin of the other. "It's just Spike, used to call people that...Ow." He hissed. "Sometimes when I smell you...all, it does make me...hunger, for human blood. It's not so hard to control most of the time, though."
"When IS it hard...to control?"
What was he going to say? That he could smell when she and Fred started their menses? That sometimes he lay awake, hard as a rock, wanting nothing more than to taste the rich flow that sprang from between her legs? Screw honesty, he was NOT going to answer that.
"How is it you complain about 'Vampire Cooties' from my toothbrush, but being elbow deep in my blood doesn't bother you?"
She shrugged. "A girls got to draw the line somewhere." She began to tape a bandage over the wound. "So what's it like?"
"Hmm?" He was beginning to feel rather drowsy.
"You know, being friendly with...your food."
A lazy grin split his face and he wiggled his eyebrows. "Dunno, I'll let you know in the morning."
"Pffft" She kissed the one spot on his leg that wasn't wounded. "As if."
Suddenly curious he asked. "What is with all these questions anyway?"
She turned throwing the bloodied gauze into the garbage, and rinsing her hands with bottled water. "No reason."
He grabbed her shoulders, and scooted her between his legs. "Cordy..."
"What, can't a girl be curious?"
He stroked up her neck pushing the back of her head into his hard stomach.
Cordy felt his strong hands tangle in her hair, the tips of his fingers massaging over a week's worth of tension She wasn't quite sure what to do with the rest of her body. "Mmm."
"Cordy."
She blew out a breath, and melted into his lap, her arms propped up on his muscular thighs. "Wes, gave me some books."
She felt his fingers pause, then they slipped down her scalp pushing her head forward, and his palms began to knead the tight flat muscles of her neck. His voice sounded oddly cold to her ears. "Exactly what books did he give you." She didn't answer right away...He continued to rub for a minute, then he pinched the nape of her neck firmly, before sweeping his hands hard across her shoulders.
"Ow, hey!" She turned to glare and for a moment she was taken aback by the frost in his eyes. "Fine!" she huffed. "He made me read the watchers account of your life...as Angelus."
He sighed. "I wish he hadn't done that."
"Why? I mean it's a little gorier than my standard taste, but most of it was stuff I knew the gist of already."
How to put into words what he wanted to say...He wanted to murder Wes at the moment...He didn't know if there was a way to express the nagging fear that was tearing through him with icy talons.
He scooted back, and pulled her on the bed, still nestled between his thighs, one arm planted in front of her, hand between her legs gripping the edge of the bed. He was painfully aware of how close to her it rested, all it would take would be a sweep of his thumb, and he...he leaned forward, and rested his chin on her shoulder. In a low, hesitant voice he began.
"I've been going through some changes, I guess...Remember when I said, I was beginning to let my guard down?" She nodded, her cheek brushing softly against his. "You are one of the reasons I feel that I can...I, well...sometimes it's nice to be able to be myself even if it means not being at my best."
Cordelia was struggling to follow, he could tell, but there was no easy way to explain. "It's just that Wes is a watcher, Gunn hates vampires, and by default that side of me, Fred is just..." He could feel, rather than see Cordy's soft smile.
"...Fred." She whispered.
"It just nice to have one person who doesn't analyze every thing I say and do by what I used to be." His free hand absently traced a path up and down her arm. He rubbed her cheek against his own. "I like the way you look at me and just see ME, I suppose I don't want you to be afraid of me, and knowing the things that I did..." He paused, choking on the weight of his guilt. "I didn't want you to look at me and see that...I..."
She turned, surprised to see his eyes were red from suppressed tears, his normally stoic face shattered with anguish and guilt. She swept him into a fierce hug.
"Angel, I see you. I've always seen YOU. I've read the books, so what? Have I treated you any differently?" He shook his head, and she felt the moisture of tears against her shoulder, his arms were wrapped around her so tight they hurt. "Those things, they were horrible, but you are doing everything in your power to make up for what was done."
He shook his head, burrowing deeper into her neck. "It's not enough."
"It is...you can't make up for what Angelus did, but your doing the right thing now...it's all anyone could do." He pulled away and studied her intently, the hope and trust in his eyes were almost too much for her to bear. "I'll stop asking my stupid questions if you want. I never meant to upset you, but if anything reading about you and some of the other vamps in the books made me curious about what it was like to be all 'grr'."
He brushed the back of his hand along the curve of her shoulder, and chuckled. "Your questions weren't stupid...if you didn't ask them you wouldn't be you...other vamps?" He frowned. "What other vamps were you reading about?"
Cordelia suppressed a smile at his jealous tone. "Why can't you turn into a bat, or a wolf...or do that enchantment thing???"
Angel groaned.
"Oh, give me a frickin break! That is sooo cool! I want to see you turn into a bat." She playfully punched his shoulder. "Come on, do it now...ok, now...now?"
Angel tried to look stern, but it was hard when she kept teasing smiles out of him. "I'm not going to turn into a bat, that's just gypsy magic. Anyone could do it if they had the spell." He laughed, his guilt forgotten. "The only people that ever seemed to impress was humans."
"Pffft, well what about the eye thing, you know...thrall of the dark prince." She was on her knees facing him, his hand on her hip holding her steady.
"I never tried it."
"Why not?"
He smiled, and Cordy knew. "I never needed to."
"Try it."
He gulped. "Cordy, not everyone can do it, I've never done it...I-"
"Oh, come on! It'll be fun...enthrall me." She scooted up and straddled him.
Angel didn't have the heart to fight her, so with Cordy wiggling distractingly around on his lap he tried to remember exactly what he was supposed to do.
He concentrated on his beautiful seer's face, noticing the way her eyes dilated, and her lips parted...He stilled her squirming body with his hands, drawing her hips down, planting her firmly against his pelvis. "Look at me." He whispered.
"Ok."
"Shhhh." They sat for a while simply staring at each other.
"You look constipated."
"CORDY! I don't even...do you want me to try this or not?"
Cordy tried to calm her fidgety nerves. She hadn't been completely blind to the fact that Angel's behavior towards her had changed. It had set her on razors edge for weeks, trying to figure him out, strategically countering his subtle advances. She felt the razor at her feet as she realized her own stupidity. He had her on his lap, in his arms, and...the man had perfect lips. They were unique to Angel, broad and angular, like the rest of him...corners quirking upwards at the edges. She could stare for hours into his warm brown eyes...she stared, noticing flecks of gold drifting slowly across the surface, seeming to drop off into the black infinity of his pupils.
Checkmate
She shifted, Angel's lap had grown suddenly uncomfortable. She heard his unnecessary intake of breath and licked her lips, her mouth suddenly bone dry. Angel's lashes fluttered, breaking the spell, but his grip on her waist tightened, as he pushed her firmly against his erection, his lips silencing any potential protest. THIS was the magic Angel knew all to well...the art of the body, pleasure, pain and any combination of the two...
It took a moment for Cordelia's brain to catch up to her body. By that time Angel's tongue was brushing against the plump mound of her lower lip. His own lips were firm, pressing hers apart so his tongue could gain entrance. She squeaked and tried to pull back, but his iron fingers slid through her short hair and held her firm, as his hips thrust his erect penis directly against her rapidly heating vagina. The muscles of her abdomen contracted violently at the shock of contact.
Angel forced her teeth apart, shoving his tongue roughly against hers, his grip painfully tight. She had to get away, she had to run...This was no game, with Angel this was all to real. Panic fluttered through her chest as she tore her mouth away, leaving them both gasping, unable to speak.
She swayed back, but he still had her. His eyes dropped and she heard a low rumbling as he leaned into her and nuzzled her neck. He back arched as his cool lips formed a wet seal over her pulse point, and his tongue rasped over her hot skin. His hand wandered from her hip, up her side, grazing the edge of her breast. She jerked away, yanking his face up to her own.
She opened her mouth to speak, but again he silenced her with a kiss. With inhuman speed and strength he flipped her on her back and slid his muscular body down to cover her. She could feel his erection through the thin cotton of their clothes, as his shaft rubbed against her thigh. His muscles flexed and corded in an effort to stay gentle. Angel was walking his own razors edge...This was happening to fast...She had already waited for so long.
Cordelia had never known simple touch could be so explosive. Angel moved over her body with predatory grace, his lips, hands and cock were setting her off like a roman candle. This was happening too fast The look on his face as he struggled for control was terrifying, yet sent white hot shivers of lust spiking her to the quick.
She wanted him, but not like this. Her body couldn't help but respond to his, but as far as she could tell this wasn't about them. This was staving...She was simply a source of heat and friction, an attempt to hold back the loneliness that so often threatened to overwhelm. It wasn't too late...maybe he was just as afraid of the answer as she was of the question.
Was it possible that getting the one thing you always wanted could break your heart?
Angel WAS lost, if only because he was feeling too much. If his heart could beat it would have burst from the fierceness of his emotions. She was in his bed...after so many nights spent imagining her here, writhing beneath him, she was finally here. It was so much better than he could have guessed. She was so hot, and so fucking alive beneath him. The taste and the smell of her made him just want to rip her open and wallow in it...
Her hot breath warmed his shoulder. Her hands were everywhere, skittering across his back, kneading his shoulders, memorizing the flat hard plains of his chest, running hot trails down his side, gripping his hips, and pulling him closer. He groaned at the feel of her damp heat through the fabric of his boxers. He wanted to tell her how much she meant to him...how much he loved her. The overwhelming instinct to take her, claim her drove him past all reason.
He crushed his lips to hers, sucking her tongue into his mouth, nipping, thrusting, tasting. She moaned as his hand discovered a breast, his nails scraping against the fabric of her shirt teasing her nipple into a hard puckered peak. Their clothes were a distraction, but taking them off meant stopping...not gonna stop.
He thrust hard against her, his hand slipping down her thigh, and back up under her shorts...actually a pair of his boxers, it was damn sexy when she stole his clothes...He jerked her panties out of the way, swallowing her gasp, stealing her air, hooking his finger into her slick passage before she had a chance to protest.
Her hands circled his wrist trying to pull him away, but her strength was nothing. He barely felt the tug. He pulled his finger out swirling it around her opening, finding the her clit and giving it a sharp pinch before sliding two fingers inside her all the way to the knuckle. He broke their kiss, blunt teeth pulling at her bottom lip. Her eyes were bright, face flushed, lips swollen. She was gasping for air, not knowing how long he would give her the chance to breath. He sucked his index finger into his mouth, tasting her juices...Like honey and raw lemons. He sucked his finger dry, enjoying every drop of her...so fucking good. His eyes fluttered closed.
Cordelia choked back the tears as she saw him take his finger into his mouth. He wasn't going to stop...he hadn't said a word. He had let his need propel him, and she was so tired of being alone that she was going to let him. He didn't care about the question.
Why? She needed to know the answer before he broke her with his need. She needed to know...Do you love me? Three simple words would make this all right, but he hadn't said one. If he didn't soon she would hate herself forever...because she would love him anyway.
Just a simple shift, such a small thing to be so terrifying. Funny that her heart hadn't waited for her heads permission.
She was snapped back into the moment when she felt his finger brush against her lips. His eyes were focused on her, his lips curled into a soft knowing smile. He was purring again. "You taste so good Cordelia...I've never tasted anyone quite like you." He pushed his finger past her teeth, rubbing it across her tongue, his mouth covering hers as he pulled his finger out. His tongue swirled her taste with his as he kissed her.
Angel pulled away when he felt hot tears splash against his face. He stared quizzically at his seer, confused by her reaction. His stomach lurched as his heart dropped. He had been so caught up...so afraid if he stopped she's say no.
{ "...It's up to her anyway...You know, SHE may not even want me." }
Her lips were trembling, and she was rapidly trying to blink away tears. She turned her face away, unable to meet his eyes.
{ "And if she doesn't?" }
Oh god, what had he done? He rolled off of her, bringing a trembling hand to her face, but she flinched away. He felt sick, his hand covered his mouth, tears pricking at his eyes. Cordelia slowly wrapped herself into a fetal ball, closing in on herself, shutting him out.
He reached out to her, his hand shaking, hovering over her face and shoulder, afraid to touch her. She could smell herself on him. Ignoring the urge to puke she finally dragged her eyes up to meet his frantic gaze.
{ "YOU make her fragile." }
Had he already lost her?
"Christ Cordy..." He sounded as sick as she felt. She felt his fingers slip through hers, squeezing her hand tightly, and drawing it to his chest. Her lip started to tremble.
"I am SO sorry..." He tried to fight the stinging behind his eyes. His jaw clenched, but he still couldn't stop his chin from wavering. She only stared at him with a hollow blank expression. "Please..." His voice broke and he struggled to form the words through clenched teeth. "Just say something. ANYTHING...Cordy?" He couldn't loose her not like this, not after tasting her again. She was in his system. He needed her...loved her.
"Why?"
Her words were so soft he almost missed them. Why..WHY? "Why?" Was she blind? He tightened the leash on his emotions. Letting her go because he wanted to crush her to him. He couldn't handle it if she flinched from him again. "I thought, maybe...you might, want me...a little." He watched as her lips tugged into a half smile, but her eyes only welled up with fresh tears.
He was screwing this up. He wasn't sure how, but he knew he was. He briefly wished the PTB's would just stake him and end his misery here and now. He was 248 and he couldn't tell a 21 yr. old mortal he loved her without royally fucking it up...
**?????**
He groaned and dropped his head to the mattress. He scooted over, curling up next to his seer. He pulled her unresisting body close and rested his forehead on hers. "Cordelia. I'm going to let you in on a little secret, ok?"
She sighed, meeting his eyes, curious despite herself. She nodded.
He smoothed her damp hair behind her ear, hand settling gently at the nape of her neck. He took a deep breath. Pride...what pride?" "I am a 248yr old emotional retard." That forced an involuntary bark of laughter out of Cordelia. She reached up and gave his forearm a gentle squeeze and waited for him to continue. "I love you." Angel paused but at those three simple words the sun seemed to dawn across Cordelia's face. He had never seen a more stunningly beautiful smile. "Cordy, you and Connor are the only things that make my redemption worthwhile...You are my hope." He stroked her tearstained face. "I didn't mean to hurt you, but I've waited so long..."
"Shhh, Angel...We have issues, we'll figure them out later." She kissed him softly on the lips. "Right now, I need you to just hold me." She rolled over and snuggled into his chest. Angel's strong arms wrapped protectively around her.
"Cordy?"
"Hmm?"
"It's not like I'm looking to get my ego stroked or anything, but..."
"Shut up Angel."
He buried his head in the crook of her neck, and waited.
"You know calling yourself a emotional retard is going to come back and haunt you, right?"
"Shut up Cordy."
"But Angel...I'm just saying...OW!"
"Hey! Ah...watch the nails!"
"Sensitive are they?"
"Don't start something you can't finish..."
"Don't growl at me 'ya big dork." Cordelia readjusted into a more comfortable position, her bottom wiggling suggestively ove r a rather large bulge in Angel's boxers. "I love you Angel."
Author: Psychofilly
Parts:2
Pating: PG - NC17
Disclaimer: All belongs to the Joss-god.
Summary: This was a loose collection of short fics, that evolved. Angel knows what he wants, now he just has to convince the other party. Buffy makes a seemingly inconsequential appearance and the gang finds themselves thrown into the middle of rather uncomfortable circumstances.
TLC
"Hold still!"
"I AM!"
"Cordy...your all over the map here."
"Well, your hands are cold, and THAT tickles."
His eyebrow arched. "I'd like to finish before you bleed to death. He steadied her knee with his elbows, trying to keep her still while he taped on the bandage.
"Pffft. It's just a scratch...There is hardly any more blood...See? She spread her thighs a little wider.
Angels thoughts were not on blood. His eyes were drawn to the V of her crotch, his hands suddenly clumsy.
"Ow!" Cordy smacked him lightly on the side of the head. Perverted much? "Watch the hands you dweeb."
His lips parted into a cheeky grin. "I thought you said it was just a scratch?"
"I never said it didn't hurt like hell."
He finished wrapping clean gauze around the bandage. Careful of the deep gash his hand came to rest high on her inner thigh. The other squeezed her knee. "All done."
She smiled broadly and ran her hand through his hair. "Your turn."
"Oh, goody." He answered dryly.
"Hey, you patch my leg, I'll patch yours. Besides, what are friends for if not to get injured together?"
"Misery loves company."
She chuckled, "Something like that." She pulled out fresh medical supplies, cocking an eyebrow in his direction. "Pant's off Buster...I don't have all night."
Angel quickly fumbled his belt off and undid his pants, letting them drop to the floor. This hadn't been how he had envisioned enticing her up to his room, but after the week they'd had...beggars can't be choosers.
Last weeks lull had been followed by a flood of cases and another attack on Angel's son. All arguments had been put aside as well as any more attempts to win Cordelia's affections. There simply hadn't been time.
One thing had come of it though. Repetition, familiarity...habit. Cordelia no longer questioned or flinched from Angel's morning kisses.
"Oh, Angel." She breathed, her face stern. "You should have let me see this right away."
He shook his head. "YOU were hurt."
She sighed at his incomprehensible expression. Her doofy white knight She wondered for the billionth time by what quirk of fate she had ended up tied for life to this man. The thought filled her with joy, tempered by an undefinable ache.
All it would take is the smallest shift. A simple matter of not brushing him away when he touched her, to simply quit running when he gave chase, but the consequences of such inaction scared her. What scared her more than anything was the question...Why
"Cordy?"
"Hmmm."
"You going to start sometime...today, maybe?"
"Nooo, I thought I'd let you bleed out all over your pretty hardwood floor...Sit down."
He limped to the bed as she pulled a small ottoman in front of him. Why didn't he think of that? He was stiff from kneeling and weak from bloodloss, but he'd live. He could already feel the healing process stirring a deep ache in his torn muscles.
Cordy began to clean the wound...wounds. He had a long nasty scrape from kneecap to ankle and a shorter but very deep gash in almost the exact same spot on his inner thigh as hers. It was just on the opposite leg. Ah the joys of being simultaneously gored by a two horned Acknard demon.
He winced, leaning back on his elbows. He looked uncharacteristically vulnerable resting there in his boxers and undershirt. She bet if she lifted his shirt she'd find a whole assortment of bruises and scratches, but she knew from experience that they would heal soon enough on their own. She heard a soft hiss of pain as she began to clean the scrape.
"Baby."
"It hurts."
"I would think you'd be used to it by now, besides...I thought vampires got off on a little pain."
"It hurts...a lot." he grunted.
She gently dabbed the dirt away. She let her mind wander, asking random questions, letting her tongue roll off with whatever came to mind. "So, is it hard?"
"Huh?" he squeaked. "What?"
"When we get hurt. Gunn had a pretty nasty cut on his head, Wes' split lip...my leg."
"Sooo."
"That adds up to a lot of tasty O pos goodness."
"And your point is...what exactly?" How come he was suddenly nervous?
"Well, when were all around you bleeding and wounded...do you start looking at us like big walking T-Bones or something?"
He frowned. She had managed to throw him completely off guard. 'Where did that thought come from?"
"Haven't you ever seen Woody Woodpecker, or Chilly Willie?"
He just sat there a bemused expression on his face.
"So?" She prodded.
He sat up, shaking his head, his dark eyes gauging Cordy's open curious face. Cordelia had a knack for asking the bluntest, most tactless, bizarre questions on the face of the planet. These sorts of conversations were nothing new, they just rarely were so directly about him. He wanted to be honest, hell he was too tired for much else, but...He looked closer at her expectant face and realized that she'd expect no less than the unvarnished truth...It was just her way.
"Sometimes."
"So what we look like 'Happy Meals' with legs, or something?"
He laughed, then groaned as she poked her fingers deep in his wound. "Fuck Cordy."
"Sorry."
Angel continued, if anything to keep his mind off the fact that she had her fingers deep inside the muscles of one thigh, digging out god knows what, while her hair was tickling across the skin of the other. "It's just Spike, used to call people that...Ow." He hissed. "Sometimes when I smell you...all, it does make me...hunger, for human blood. It's not so hard to control most of the time, though."
"When IS it hard...to control?"
What was he going to say? That he could smell when she and Fred started their menses? That sometimes he lay awake, hard as a rock, wanting nothing more than to taste the rich flow that sprang from between her legs? Screw honesty, he was NOT going to answer that.
"How is it you complain about 'Vampire Cooties' from my toothbrush, but being elbow deep in my blood doesn't bother you?"
She shrugged. "A girls got to draw the line somewhere." She began to tape a bandage over the wound. "So what's it like?"
"Hmm?" He was beginning to feel rather drowsy.
"You know, being friendly with...your food."
A lazy grin split his face and he wiggled his eyebrows. "Dunno, I'll let you know in the morning."
"Pffft" She kissed the one spot on his leg that wasn't wounded. "As if."
Suddenly curious he asked. "What is with all these questions anyway?"
She turned throwing the bloodied gauze into the garbage, and rinsing her hands with bottled water. "No reason."
He grabbed her shoulders, and scooted her between his legs. "Cordy..."
"What, can't a girl be curious?"
He stroked up her neck pushing the back of her head into his hard stomach.
Cordy felt his strong hands tangle in her hair, the tips of his fingers massaging over a week's worth of tension She wasn't quite sure what to do with the rest of her body. "Mmm."
"Cordy."
She blew out a breath, and melted into his lap, her arms propped up on his muscular thighs. "Wes, gave me some books."
She felt his fingers pause, then they slipped down her scalp pushing her head forward, and his palms began to knead the tight flat muscles of her neck. His voice sounded oddly cold to her ears. "Exactly what books did he give you." She didn't answer right away...He continued to rub for a minute, then he pinched the nape of her neck firmly, before sweeping his hands hard across her shoulders.
"Ow, hey!" She turned to glare and for a moment she was taken aback by the frost in his eyes. "Fine!" she huffed. "He made me read the watchers account of your life...as Angelus."
He sighed. "I wish he hadn't done that."
"Why? I mean it's a little gorier than my standard taste, but most of it was stuff I knew the gist of already."
How to put into words what he wanted to say...He wanted to murder Wes at the moment...He didn't know if there was a way to express the nagging fear that was tearing through him with icy talons.
He scooted back, and pulled her on the bed, still nestled between his thighs, one arm planted in front of her, hand between her legs gripping the edge of the bed. He was painfully aware of how close to her it rested, all it would take would be a sweep of his thumb, and he...he leaned forward, and rested his chin on her shoulder. In a low, hesitant voice he began.
"I've been going through some changes, I guess...Remember when I said, I was beginning to let my guard down?" She nodded, her cheek brushing softly against his. "You are one of the reasons I feel that I can...I, well...sometimes it's nice to be able to be myself even if it means not being at my best."
Cordelia was struggling to follow, he could tell, but there was no easy way to explain. "It's just that Wes is a watcher, Gunn hates vampires, and by default that side of me, Fred is just..." He could feel, rather than see Cordy's soft smile.
"...Fred." She whispered.
"It just nice to have one person who doesn't analyze every thing I say and do by what I used to be." His free hand absently traced a path up and down her arm. He rubbed her cheek against his own. "I like the way you look at me and just see ME, I suppose I don't want you to be afraid of me, and knowing the things that I did..." He paused, choking on the weight of his guilt. "I didn't want you to look at me and see that...I..."
She turned, surprised to see his eyes were red from suppressed tears, his normally stoic face shattered with anguish and guilt. She swept him into a fierce hug.
"Angel, I see you. I've always seen YOU. I've read the books, so what? Have I treated you any differently?" He shook his head, and she felt the moisture of tears against her shoulder, his arms were wrapped around her so tight they hurt. "Those things, they were horrible, but you are doing everything in your power to make up for what was done."
He shook his head, burrowing deeper into her neck. "It's not enough."
"It is...you can't make up for what Angelus did, but your doing the right thing now...it's all anyone could do." He pulled away and studied her intently, the hope and trust in his eyes were almost too much for her to bear. "I'll stop asking my stupid questions if you want. I never meant to upset you, but if anything reading about you and some of the other vamps in the books made me curious about what it was like to be all 'grr'."
He brushed the back of his hand along the curve of her shoulder, and chuckled. "Your questions weren't stupid...if you didn't ask them you wouldn't be you...other vamps?" He frowned. "What other vamps were you reading about?"
Cordelia suppressed a smile at his jealous tone. "Why can't you turn into a bat, or a wolf...or do that enchantment thing???"
Angel groaned.
"Oh, give me a frickin break! That is sooo cool! I want to see you turn into a bat." She playfully punched his shoulder. "Come on, do it now...ok, now...now?"
Angel tried to look stern, but it was hard when she kept teasing smiles out of him. "I'm not going to turn into a bat, that's just gypsy magic. Anyone could do it if they had the spell." He laughed, his guilt forgotten. "The only people that ever seemed to impress was humans."
"Pffft, well what about the eye thing, you know...thrall of the dark prince." She was on her knees facing him, his hand on her hip holding her steady.
"I never tried it."
"Why not?"
He smiled, and Cordy knew. "I never needed to."
"Try it."
He gulped. "Cordy, not everyone can do it, I've never done it...I-"
"Oh, come on! It'll be fun...enthrall me." She scooted up and straddled him.
Angel didn't have the heart to fight her, so with Cordy wiggling distractingly around on his lap he tried to remember exactly what he was supposed to do.
He concentrated on his beautiful seer's face, noticing the way her eyes dilated, and her lips parted...He stilled her squirming body with his hands, drawing her hips down, planting her firmly against his pelvis. "Look at me." He whispered.
"Ok."
"Shhhh." They sat for a while simply staring at each other.
"You look constipated."
"CORDY! I don't even...do you want me to try this or not?"
Cordy tried to calm her fidgety nerves. She hadn't been completely blind to the fact that Angel's behavior towards her had changed. It had set her on razors edge for weeks, trying to figure him out, strategically countering his subtle advances. She felt the razor at her feet as she realized her own stupidity. He had her on his lap, in his arms, and...the man had perfect lips. They were unique to Angel, broad and angular, like the rest of him...corners quirking upwards at the edges. She could stare for hours into his warm brown eyes...she stared, noticing flecks of gold drifting slowly across the surface, seeming to drop off into the black infinity of his pupils.
Checkmate
She shifted, Angel's lap had grown suddenly uncomfortable. She heard his unnecessary intake of breath and licked her lips, her mouth suddenly bone dry. Angel's lashes fluttered, breaking the spell, but his grip on her waist tightened, as he pushed her firmly against his erection, his lips silencing any potential protest. THIS was the magic Angel knew all to well...the art of the body, pleasure, pain and any combination of the two...
It took a moment for Cordelia's brain to catch up to her body. By that time Angel's tongue was brushing against the plump mound of her lower lip. His own lips were firm, pressing hers apart so his tongue could gain entrance. She squeaked and tried to pull back, but his iron fingers slid through her short hair and held her firm, as his hips thrust his erect penis directly against her rapidly heating vagina. The muscles of her abdomen contracted violently at the shock of contact.
Angel forced her teeth apart, shoving his tongue roughly against hers, his grip painfully tight. She had to get away, she had to run...This was no game, with Angel this was all to real. Panic fluttered through her chest as she tore her mouth away, leaving them both gasping, unable to speak.
She swayed back, but he still had her. His eyes dropped and she heard a low rumbling as he leaned into her and nuzzled her neck. He back arched as his cool lips formed a wet seal over her pulse point, and his tongue rasped over her hot skin. His hand wandered from her hip, up her side, grazing the edge of her breast. She jerked away, yanking his face up to her own.
She opened her mouth to speak, but again he silenced her with a kiss. With inhuman speed and strength he flipped her on her back and slid his muscular body down to cover her. She could feel his erection through the thin cotton of their clothes, as his shaft rubbed against her thigh. His muscles flexed and corded in an effort to stay gentle. Angel was walking his own razors edge...This was happening to fast...She had already waited for so long.
Cordelia had never known simple touch could be so explosive. Angel moved over her body with predatory grace, his lips, hands and cock were setting her off like a roman candle. This was happening too fast The look on his face as he struggled for control was terrifying, yet sent white hot shivers of lust spiking her to the quick.
She wanted him, but not like this. Her body couldn't help but respond to his, but as far as she could tell this wasn't about them. This was staving...She was simply a source of heat and friction, an attempt to hold back the loneliness that so often threatened to overwhelm. It wasn't too late...maybe he was just as afraid of the answer as she was of the question.
Was it possible that getting the one thing you always wanted could break your heart?
Angel WAS lost, if only because he was feeling too much. If his heart could beat it would have burst from the fierceness of his emotions. She was in his bed...after so many nights spent imagining her here, writhing beneath him, she was finally here. It was so much better than he could have guessed. She was so hot, and so fucking alive beneath him. The taste and the smell of her made him just want to rip her open and wallow in it...
Her hot breath warmed his shoulder. Her hands were everywhere, skittering across his back, kneading his shoulders, memorizing the flat hard plains of his chest, running hot trails down his side, gripping his hips, and pulling him closer. He groaned at the feel of her damp heat through the fabric of his boxers. He wanted to tell her how much she meant to him...how much he loved her. The overwhelming instinct to take her, claim her drove him past all reason.
He crushed his lips to hers, sucking her tongue into his mouth, nipping, thrusting, tasting. She moaned as his hand discovered a breast, his nails scraping against the fabric of her shirt teasing her nipple into a hard puckered peak. Their clothes were a distraction, but taking them off meant stopping...not gonna stop.
He thrust hard against her, his hand slipping down her thigh, and back up under her shorts...actually a pair of his boxers, it was damn sexy when she stole his clothes...He jerked her panties out of the way, swallowing her gasp, stealing her air, hooking his finger into her slick passage before she had a chance to protest.
Her hands circled his wrist trying to pull him away, but her strength was nothing. He barely felt the tug. He pulled his finger out swirling it around her opening, finding the her clit and giving it a sharp pinch before sliding two fingers inside her all the way to the knuckle. He broke their kiss, blunt teeth pulling at her bottom lip. Her eyes were bright, face flushed, lips swollen. She was gasping for air, not knowing how long he would give her the chance to breath. He sucked his index finger into his mouth, tasting her juices...Like honey and raw lemons. He sucked his finger dry, enjoying every drop of her...so fucking good. His eyes fluttered closed.
Cordelia choked back the tears as she saw him take his finger into his mouth. He wasn't going to stop...he hadn't said a word. He had let his need propel him, and she was so tired of being alone that she was going to let him. He didn't care about the question.
Why? She needed to know the answer before he broke her with his need. She needed to know...Do you love me? Three simple words would make this all right, but he hadn't said one. If he didn't soon she would hate herself forever...because she would love him anyway.
Just a simple shift, such a small thing to be so terrifying. Funny that her heart hadn't waited for her heads permission.
She was snapped back into the moment when she felt his finger brush against her lips. His eyes were focused on her, his lips curled into a soft knowing smile. He was purring again. "You taste so good Cordelia...I've never tasted anyone quite like you." He pushed his finger past her teeth, rubbing it across her tongue, his mouth covering hers as he pulled his finger out. His tongue swirled her taste with his as he kissed her.
Angel pulled away when he felt hot tears splash against his face. He stared quizzically at his seer, confused by her reaction. His stomach lurched as his heart dropped. He had been so caught up...so afraid if he stopped she's say no.
{ "...It's up to her anyway...You know, SHE may not even want me." }
Her lips were trembling, and she was rapidly trying to blink away tears. She turned her face away, unable to meet his eyes.
{ "And if she doesn't?" }
Oh god, what had he done? He rolled off of her, bringing a trembling hand to her face, but she flinched away. He felt sick, his hand covered his mouth, tears pricking at his eyes. Cordelia slowly wrapped herself into a fetal ball, closing in on herself, shutting him out.
He reached out to her, his hand shaking, hovering over her face and shoulder, afraid to touch her. She could smell herself on him. Ignoring the urge to puke she finally dragged her eyes up to meet his frantic gaze.
{ "YOU make her fragile." }
Had he already lost her?
"Christ Cordy..." He sounded as sick as she felt. She felt his fingers slip through hers, squeezing her hand tightly, and drawing it to his chest. Her lip started to tremble.
"I am SO sorry..." He tried to fight the stinging behind his eyes. His jaw clenched, but he still couldn't stop his chin from wavering. She only stared at him with a hollow blank expression. "Please..." His voice broke and he struggled to form the words through clenched teeth. "Just say something. ANYTHING...Cordy?" He couldn't loose her not like this, not after tasting her again. She was in his system. He needed her...loved her.
"Why?"
Her words were so soft he almost missed them. Why..WHY? "Why?" Was she blind? He tightened the leash on his emotions. Letting her go because he wanted to crush her to him. He couldn't handle it if she flinched from him again. "I thought, maybe...you might, want me...a little." He watched as her lips tugged into a half smile, but her eyes only welled up with fresh tears.
He was screwing this up. He wasn't sure how, but he knew he was. He briefly wished the PTB's would just stake him and end his misery here and now. He was 248 and he couldn't tell a 21 yr. old mortal he loved her without royally fucking it up...
**?????**
He groaned and dropped his head to the mattress. He scooted over, curling up next to his seer. He pulled her unresisting body close and rested his forehead on hers. "Cordelia. I'm going to let you in on a little secret, ok?"
She sighed, meeting his eyes, curious despite herself. She nodded.
He smoothed her damp hair behind her ear, hand settling gently at the nape of her neck. He took a deep breath. Pride...what pride?" "I am a 248yr old emotional retard." That forced an involuntary bark of laughter out of Cordelia. She reached up and gave his forearm a gentle squeeze and waited for him to continue. "I love you." Angel paused but at those three simple words the sun seemed to dawn across Cordelia's face. He had never seen a more stunningly beautiful smile. "Cordy, you and Connor are the only things that make my redemption worthwhile...You are my hope." He stroked her tearstained face. "I didn't mean to hurt you, but I've waited so long..."
"Shhh, Angel...We have issues, we'll figure them out later." She kissed him softly on the lips. "Right now, I need you to just hold me." She rolled over and snuggled into his chest. Angel's strong arms wrapped protectively around her.
"Cordy?"
"Hmm?"
"It's not like I'm looking to get my ego stroked or anything, but..."
"Shut up Angel."
He buried his head in the crook of her neck, and waited.
"You know calling yourself a emotional retard is going to come back and haunt you, right?"
"Shut up Cordy."
"But Angel...I'm just saying...OW!"
"Hey! Ah...watch the nails!"
"Sensitive are they?"
"Don't start something you can't finish..."
"Don't growl at me 'ya big dork." Cordelia readjusted into a more comfortable position, her bottom wiggling suggestively ove r a rather large bulge in Angel's boxers. "I love you Angel."