ATS: Separare

[psychofilly]

Title: Separare
Author: Psychofilly
Rating: R
Pairing: C/A C/D friendship.
Disclaimer: All the characters belong to Joss, ME and Fox.
Summary and Notes:
The requirements were season two C/A fluff with smoochies. Now I have to apologize going in, asking me to write pure fluff these days is kind of like asking a serial killer to your six year olds tea party, but this is *almost* fluff. Given the time period I couldn't help the tone. Cordy just started talking to me, so this is her story. Angel is as I always like him, a vampire. Anni, I hope you like it.
THANKS to Lovin Lorne and GS1903 They helped put the final polish on this story and their help was exactly what this story needed. I love you guy's!

Cordelia Chase had been looking forward to this evening all day. She beamed at her reflection, softly humming to herself as she dried her hair. When she was done she grabbed her dirty clothes and headed for the bedroom. She remembered a time when her bathroom had been three times the size of the one she had now, and her bedroom had been tasteful and expensively decorated...ah, and the servants...well a maid anyway.

Cordelia scoffed at people who tried to say that money couldn't make a person happy (which meant she scoffed at Angel a LOT.). Thinking as she dumped her clothes in her hamper and pulled a pair of panties out of her drawer...Maybe not *perfectly* happy, but in her case it had gone a hell of a long ways. She'd lived quite well under her parents benign neglect, at least until the money had run out.

Unlike Wes, Gunn or Angel, Cordy didn't have a dark horrid past or abusive parents, but unlike Buffy her parents had never taken a real interest in her life either. It stung a little to realize that they never knew her well enough to understand how different she was from the spoiled, bitchy brat she'd once been. She liked to think that they would be proud...She liked to think they at least thought about her sometimes, wherever they were.

Shaking herself out of a potentially depressing train of thought, Cordy threw on an oversized Tee-Shirt. The collar had been cut out and it hung almost to her knees. It had been royal blue and had a faded crackled picture of Marvin the Martian on the front. The perfect shirt for vegging, she thought. All she needed was one of Angel's stolen pair of boxers, roll up the waist, and she was good to go.

She smiled ruefully to herself. How the mighty had fallen...Here she was on a Friday night, no date, a baggy cut up shirt she wouldn't be caught dead in out in public, happily contemplating a night of pizza and movies alone with her ghost.

Wes and Gunn had offered to come over, misunderstanding her desire to be alone. She hoped they hadn't said anything to get Angel worried. He'd gone into heavy overprotective mode since her last vision, not that she didn't find his presence reassuring. She was as protective of him as he was of her, but she needed a *little* space to breathe.

She also felt as if she had been neglecting Dennis. He wasn't just a ghost, he was a roommate and a friend. A friend that picked up after her, listened to her end of the day rants, watched out for her, and in his own way was almost as protective of her as Angel. Like the aforementioned Angel, she didn't care that he was technically dead. Her attention kept his spirit alive and vibrant long after he should have faded away.

"Dennis!" She ambled out of her room, comfortable at last. The pizza guy would be there soon. "Have you figured out what you want to watch yet?" A movie got up and danced across the coffee table. "Gigi?" Cordelia snickered. "You are such a female."

The box sailed through the air, narrowly missing her head...Dennis' unique brand of sarcasm. "Pfft, you *throw* like a girl too." She cocked an eyebrow quizzically. "Are you *sure* you're not really named Dennise?" The pictures on the walls began to rattle. "Come on Dennis." She placated, her cheeks dimpling. "You know I'm playing. "You are the bestest manliest hunk of a ghost in LA and you know it."

A slight wind ruffled her hair as Dennis circled playfully. A soda floated out of the kitchen and on to the table. The phone on the armrest of the couch lifted and sailed towards it's cradle across the room. "No, leave it." She called. "Angel promised to call after he took care of my vision." Space she needed, but she wouldn't be able to relax until she was sure he was ok. The phone antenna poked her in the ribs. "What?" Hey, ah...stop...Ok! I promise!" She mock glared at the phone as it floated back to the couch. "We didn't talk for THAT long. I mean, hello, Angel...not big with the small talk."

Cordelia smirked at her ghost's blatant jealousy. So she and Angel had spent an hour or three on the phone the other night. It didn't mean a thing. It was just that ever since his little "regression" as she liked to call it, she'd noticed a subtle change within the vamp. He was still *Angel* but the shades of gray that made up his personality had darkened. Yet, there was a tenderness about him that she'd never seen before, and in areas that didn't involve his sex-life, he was starting to open up.

Sex-life, pfft...Much as she hated giving Darla credit for having any sort of lingering hold over Angel...that nagging bitch that usually lay dormant deep under her surface insisted that his feelings for his sire ran just as deep as the ones for the slayer, placing her, once again...a solid third. Not that she was competing for anything, especially when it came to certain ensouled vampires.

His actions of late sometimes left her confused. Though he didn't seem any more eager to open up and discuss the months leading up to and during his side trip to crazy-obsessiveville than she was. He struggled daily to regain their broken trust. She knew he found it difficult to talk about his own personal failings. He tried *so* hard, but she guessed epiphanies were hard to explain, and she had her own reasons not to push. She spun in a circle, arms outstretched...splayed fingers cutting minute eddy's in the air. "Tonight it's just you and me pal..."

A sharp knock at the door signaled the arrival of the pizza. She grabbed her check and skipped across the room, short ponytail bouncing behind her. She opened the door to a worried looking Pizza man. "Hey, you know this guy?" Cordy looked down to see a black panted leg and leather shoulder slumped against her door frame.

"Oh my God, Angel!" She stepped out, kneeling beside him. She shook his shoulder but he didn't respond. She turned to the pizza man, "Help me get him in?"

The man took a step back. "I don't know, maybe you should call 911 or something."

Cordy stood, hands on her hips. "Pfft, he's just had a little too much to drink." She winked conspiratorially, suppressing a grimace as Angel groaned. Work with me, ya big dork.

"He *sounds* hurt." The dark clothed man, even passed out on the floor was more than a little intimidating.

Cordy played dumb. "Him? Nooo, he's strong as an ox, he just can't hold his liquor." She grabbed the boxes out of the guy's hands and set them inside rambling all the while. "...Always showing up at my place at the oddest hours, usually makes it to the couch before he passes out." She continued breezily, just another LA ditz tied to the wrong man. "Help me get him up." She pinned him with *the look*.

The pizza man realized he had no choice but comply. If that look could get the lead out of a vampire's ass...well, resistance for the mortal population of LA was futile. Together they drug the bigger man to his feet and half carried him to the couch. Dennis surreptitiously pressed a ten dollar bill into Cordy's hand which she gave the pizza guy along with her check as she hurried him out the door.

"So much for movie night." She grumbled as she headed back to the couch. "Sorry Dennis." A tingling brush of energy across her neck told her he understood. "Let's go check out the dead guy." Cordelia was worried. Angel's skin was the color of dirty ash and he had yet to move a muscle from where they had dumped him on the sofa. She bent over his still form. "Angel, can you hear me?" Nothing...

She knelt in front of him and opened his coat, wincing when she saw the tattered cloth underneath. "Oh Angel..." she breathed, "you poor thing." He had a series of deep gashes starting at his collarbone, across his chest, running diagonally across his abdomen and down past where she could see. He'd been torn apart with vicious force and the wounds were ragged and dirty. She'd have to get him cleaned up but she needed him conscious. He'd obviously bled out most of his own blood supply making his way to her doorstep.

She heard the microwave ding and a moment later a large plastic Stop n Shop cup bobbed close to her head. She peered inside the mammoth cup. By the coppery yet sharp smell there was almost as much vodka as blood. She shrugged, it couldn't hurt. "Thanks Dennis."

How do you get an unconscious vampire to eat?

Cordy asked herself this as her second attempt to tempt him failed. Waving it under his nose did nothing, neither did holding it to his lips...she wasn't going to tip it and risk wasting it in spillage. She *certainly* wasn't going to open a vein unless she absolutely had to. Finally, she straddled his lap, settling on dipping her finger into the warm fluid and pressing it to his mouth. Again, she was met with nothing. She rubbed blood across his rubbery, gray lips staining them red, then dipped her finger in for more. She nudged his mouth open using the heel of her hand to push his chin down and slip her blood coated finger between his teeth...

If this didn't work...

She rubbed his tongue gently, noticing how dry his mouth was...one more dip and she pushed back in, cooing and cajoling the vampire to do *something*, seducing his mouth with warm fingers and even warmer blood. Without warning his throat contracted and she dipped her finger to the knuckle in the blood mixture and slipped it back into his mouth. His tongue rasped against her slick skin and she felt a slight suction. Another dip and his tongue molded itself around her finger, lapping away the fluid. Another and she ignored the way his blunt teeth scraped along her flesh and the sudden moisture as he began to salivate.

Once more, and she tried not to think about the intimacy of his lap, or the vague eroticism of his angular lips wrapped around her finger, or the dull heat spreading out from her abdomen. She pulled her finger away, lips curving as he grunted, leaning up blindly...mouth hungry for more. She held the cup to his lips before they found their own source. A cold hand covered hers as he tilted the cup up and drank greedily. The other hand settled high on her thigh. Within seconds the fluid was gone. Angel let his hand drop, eyes slowly fluttered open. He licked his lips.

"More."

She nodded, started to move but was pulled back down. She frowned, staring unflinching into the hungry void of his brown eyes. He met her gaze without blinking. She sensed the bass rumble of a growl, pitched too low for her ears to fully register. His grip on her thigh tightened, his free hand brushing over her knee. Cordelia was keenly aware of the vulnerability of her situation, but showing nervousness would only make it worse. His eyes dropped to her neck. Once again, he croaked, "More." She eased out of his lap and this time he let her go.

Cordelia quickly re-filled the cup adding a bit less vodka this time, as having a hungry drunk vampire on her hands was *not* her idea of fun. Angel fought daily to control his instinctual urges. He'd gotten so good at curbing his appetite, and comfortable enough eating around her that sometimes she forgot what he really craved...Sticking her fingers into his mouth probably hadn't been one of her brightest moves.

She grabbed her first aid kit and returned, handing him the cup as she knelt between his legs and diligently cut away the fabric of his shirt. He emptied the cup quickly, watching her all the while from under his hooded brow as she examined his wounds. The blood had already done him some good. His skin began to gain a bit of a pink undertone and the dry jagged edges of his wounds began to look...Well, gross...but better as if she watched carefully she would actually be able to see the skin repairing itself.

"So," Her eyes flicked up to catch his. "Rough day at the office?" She got no response, but she hadn't really expected any. Angel was zoned out, staring but not really seeing. He was probably thinking vampire-y thoughts, she guessed. She leaned up and eased his jacket down over his shoulders and the cut shirt fell away. "Jesus, Angel!"

That got a dry chuckle out of him. "Not my best look, I'll admit." He grunted.

"You want some more blood?"

"In a minute."

Cordy bit her lip as she appraised his dirty and torn torso. Without thinking she reached out and ran her fingers down an undamaged strip of skin on his chest. She felt the small surprised breath and snatched her hand away. "Do you think you can handle a shower, or...I could clean you up here?"

He shook his head and shooed her away. "As nice as a sponge bath sounds, I think I can take a shower.." He groaned as she helped him to his feet. He swayed into her, gripping at her shoulders as she tried to hold his sagging weight. Cordy tilted her head up towards his, a smart assed quip on her tongue when she noticed Angel's eyes had yellowed. She went absolutely still as Angel bent and nuzzled into her neck, his arms sliding down and slipping loosely around her waist as he drew her close. Her hands came up in a lame attempt to put a barrier between them.

"I want..." She felt the scrape of blunt teeth against her skin. "More." There was a slight pinch as he gently bit her shoulder. Cordy by the grace of the higher powers kept her breathing under control, though she couldn't do a thing about her heart. They were *not* going to play like this. Angel just needed...she pushed hard against his chest, shutting down on her brains squicked reaction to the fact that one hand was sinking into raw muscle tissue. She'd seen and touched worse...he just snaked one hand up and pulled her closer.

"Hey," She pinched her nails into his skin. "HEY! No snacking on the help!" He stumbled back a step blinking as his irises shifted back to brown. He half turned, scrubbing his face in his hands then giving her an apologetic look. She shot back daggers but his eyebrow just quirked. "Maybe one more glass of blood?"

"Ya THINK!" She threw her hands up dramatically, then pointed a perfectly manicured finger at his nose. "Stay." She hurried past him to the kitchen and fixed him another cup of blood. She checked the fridge, thanking the powers that she had just picked up a fresh supply that afternoon. At this rate she'd have to get more tomorrow.

She returned and thrust the blood under his nose. He gave her an annoyed look, but guzzled it down as she helped him to the bathroom. She sat him on the toilet and turned on the water, fiddling and fussing until it was nice and warm. She turned back only to be confronted with the tragi-comic sight of Angel trying to take his boots off. Neither bending over, nor trying to lift his legs was working. She took pity.

She smacked his hands away as she sat cross-legged on the cold floor and unlaced the ties. She levered one boot off and then the other, smiling to herself at his soft sigh when she peeled his socks off. She ran her fingers firmly over the arch of his foot, bringing her hand round to rub the heel. She worked her way back up, surprise at the rumble that erupted from his chest.

"Stop." He murmured.

"You don't like it?" She inquired, as she rotated his ankle and then worked her two thumbs over the bottom of his foot.

He snorted, his eyes sliding closed. "I just don't fancy the idea of my falling asleep on your toilet."

She giggled. He was right, because there was no way she'd just be able to leave him there without putting toothpaste between his toes...or something. "Fine" She huffed acting put out, but they both knew it was a put on. "I'll get you some clothes...Upsy-Daisy!" Once more she pulled him up, only this time he was a little steadier on his feet. She left him in the middle of the steamy bathroom while she went to hunt down his spare clothes. Or what was left of the ones she hadn't *donated* to charity.

When she returned, he was already in the shower. She lay his boxers and sweatpants on the sink trying not to stare at the indistinct shape behind her translucent shower curtain. She turned to go.

"Cor?"

She turned back to see that he was facing her. Her eyes traced his outline, broad shoulders, slim hips, muscular legs. She wished she *couldn't* make out the stark contrast of his pale skin as it met the dark curly hair at his pelvis. She gulped, steadying her voice, keeping it light. "Just bringing you some clothes."

"Ok," He turned back into the spray and she noticed the tired slump of his shoulders as well as the outline of his firm buttocks. He looked so weary, "You doing all right?" She couldn't help adding "Need any help?"

His head snapped around and she felt his eyes on her. He couldn't guess her intent. She was just as blurry to him, but she heard the humor in his voice when he replied. "Maybe next time." She smiled as she left him to finish up. Mission accomplished.

A few minutes later he emerged, bare chested, hair messy from overzealous toweling. Cordy immediately rose from her spot on the couch. Angel radiated mild irritation, yet he stood patiently as she inspected his wounds. Despite the act, she knew he enjoyed it when she worried over him. The blood had done it's job. The skin around the gashes was no longer ragged...maybe a few butterfly bandages to hold the skin in place while it healed...She harumphed and waved him to the couch as she detoured into the kitchen.

Angel had dozed off by the time she returned with fresh, only slightly spiked blood in one hand and a nice piping hot bag of popcorn in the other. "Hope you like Gigi!" Angel jerked awake.

"Huh?" She rolled her eyes and waved the blood under his nose. He grabbed the cup, took a sip, then set it down as she pulled the coffee table close and maneuvered herself between his knees. He shifted up to give her room, but she hooked her hands under his legs and pulled him back down into a semi-reclining position. His thighs spread to accommodate her. She popped a handful of popcorn in her mouth and grabbed some bandages.

"Gigi...this was supposed to be movie night for me and Dennis, remember?" She saw a flash of guilt in his eyes. Gently she smacked the side of his head as she leaned forward and started taping his cuts together. "Don't give me that look. No one is mad." She shrugged and threw a kernel up and caught it in her mouth. She grinned like a Cheshire cat. "We'll just do dead guy night tonight and Dennis and I can do the one on one thing later...Right, Dennis?"

A freshly peeled bandage floated into reach, signaling his assent. Her smile turned soft as she took it. She winked at the space beside her, then turned back to Angel who was giving her an odd look. She pushed the seam of skin together and taped it. For a while the peel of sticky tape and Cordy's breathing was the only sound as Angel sat patiently under her care. Cordy eventually slipped off the table and knelt between his legs, concentrating on patching until she got to the waist of his sweats. With a nervous glance at the immobile vampire she tugged the fabric down until she could see the start of his curly brown thatch of hair. Unfortunately all thoughts of a sexual nature were overshadowed by just how close to becoming a eunuch Angel had been. "Tell me the other guy looks worse." She breathed.

Angel took another sip of his blood, his body stiff, eyes hooded. "The other guy is dead." Cordy nodded, her hands busy with the business of putting him back together without trying to let her brain or her eyes wander too far astray, Just another inch, and...not gonna go there. She worked faster.

By the time she was done Angel was lightly dozing again. She crossed her arms over his knee, chin dropping onto her wrists as she watched him sleep for a few uninterrupted moments. He was almost perfectly still except for the little frown that was trying to form. She always liked to tease that it made him look like a Neanderthal. Which invariably made his brows jut out to almost comical proportions while he sulked over being insulted. She relished making him feel a little insecure sometimes, to remind them both that he was human...well, partly.

Once she had realized that she, Cordelia Chase, would never rate on Angel's scale of attractive women, she had oddly enough felt liberated. She had seen how firmly up the Slayers butt Angel's head had been in Sunnydale and the need to impress him for *any* reason had faded as soon as she had found out he was a vampire. She simply hadn't cared what he thought of her, because he was by race and association...a loser. That lack of reticence had bled over into their relationship in LA. The vampire issue had ceased to have any meaning for her, but his seeming need to get his heart stomped all over by blonde women with power issues remained...what was it with him and blondes anyway?

For Cordelia, Angel simply *was*...He had quickly become her mainstay, her rock, her very own personal thundercloud following behind her left shoulder. She had allowed herself to rely on him to watch her back, and to believe that she was someone important in his life. When he had walked away...it had hurt a hell of a lot more than it should have for 'just friends'. She laid her cheek on her arm, and shut her eyes.

She was too smart to add her name to the list of hearts he had inadvertently trampled into dust with his good intentions and the never-ending drama that was his curse. She had never been one to pine away, or waste time on something that she could never have. Life was too short, and LA was a city full of possibilities. That was why...despite the fact that she had forgiven him completely, and she had...She just intended to have a life outside of their own special little warrior/seer niche.

She had started auditioning again, and amazingly she had gotten a couple of callbacks...the suntan lotion commercial looked promising. She'd even gotten a couple of phone numbers, not that she was sure she had the energy to date with the visions and all, but it was nice to know she still had it. She'd started having 'Girls night out' which since all her best friends were guy's and Wes didn't really appreciate it when she told him he was like the sister she'd never had...basically consisted of her alone in her apartment. That was fine by her though, it gave her a chance to conserve her increasingly precious energy.

It was a good plan of action, and her little stab at independence made her feel better about herself than she had in a while. No one blindsided Cordelia Chase. She relied on no man to give her life purpose and meaning...no vampire either. Besides the toll these visions were taking, maybe Angel shouldn't be so dependent on her anyway. She couldn't predict how much longer she'd be here to patch him up and keep him from brooding and obsessing too much, not that she'd done such a great job in the past. Some seer she was.

With a sigh she opened her eyes to find Angel was staring at her, catching him with that intense yet soft expression he sometimes got when he thought she wasn't looking. She realized she'd been lying there with her head on his lap for a while. She jerked up smiling to cover the awkwardness she suddenly felt and his expression darkened. She wasn't sure what to make of that look and she was too tired to expend a lot of effort in figuring out her moody vamp. Hers...that was a laugh Angel was everybody's but hers it seemed. Not that she was bitter. Life would just be easier sometimes if he wasn't quite so attractive. It was just her luck that one of the hottest guy's in LA looked at her and saw...just another one of the guys.

Come on Cor, get it together, complications with Angel is the last thing you need right now. She patted his knee and stood. She hunted down the remote, hit the lights, grabbed her bowl of popcorn and settled on her side of the couch...all the while hyper aware that Angel's gaze was still on her. Of course by the time she sat, he was staring at the TV and completely wrapped up in his own morose silence. She ignored him.

Ten minutes into the movie and the living statue routine was beginning to get on her nerves. She knew he had to be tired, but hell, Dennis was livelier. She stared for a moment then threw a kernel of popcorn at him, snickering softly to herself as it sailed in a perfect arc to land in his messily spiked hair. He didn't move...she threw another one that bounced out of his hair and rolled off his shoulder. She immediately shielded herself from his reaction, but again she was met with nothing. She couldn't see the tiny half smile forming on the other side of his profile. She should have realized that as a predator, he'd perfected the art of waiting for his prey to come to him...

She threw one more kernel at him, just to be sure. It hit him square on the cheek hard enough to bounce halfway back to her. *Now* she was concerned. Had the wounds and the bloodloss finally caught up with him, had she and Dennis gotten him so drunk he'd passed out? There was no way in hell he'd sit and let her throw salty, *greasy* popcorn on him unless there was something seriously wrong. "Angel?" Movie forgotten she set the bowl of popcorn on the coffee table and crawled across the cushions.

"Hey broody, you ok?" She poked a finger at the dense muscle of his shoulder, his eyes remained blank and glassy. "Angel this isn't funny." He was relatively safe and whole and he couldn't get any deader, could he? "Oh God!" Her hand slapped over her mouth as she leaned over his lifeless body, hands tentatively reaching out to grip his shoulders and shake them frantically. "Oh my god, Angel wake u..." Cordelia shrieked as her world turned topsy-turvy and she found herself underneath a *very* still among the living vampire. Angel grinned, flashing some fang. "Careful Cor, you'll wake the dead." He joked, catching her wrists and pulling them loosely over her head.

She snorted and bucked trying to throw him to the floor. "ASSSAAYYAAGH!!" She began to scream when one of his hands snuck down finding her ribs and began to tickle. She bucked again, legs kicking out and digging into the cushions, his thigh, and then squarely on his nuts as she crabbed backwards out from under his body and over the arm of the couch. She landed hard on her ass, surprised that he'd let her get away so easily, surprised by the sudden playfulness. Dennis must have put more vodka in his blood than she had thought. She heard him groan and she giggled. Served him right for scaring her like that.

A pair of golden eyes set in a mostly human face peered over the edge of the couch. "You are so going to pay for that Cordelia." Oh...scary, or it would have been if his voice hadn't raised a couple of octaves in pitch.

"Me? What about you? Pfft...you got what you deserved for being such a dumbass!"

Angel rose smoothly to his hands and knees and crawled...no, flowed was more like it...over the edge of the couch. Cordy forgot for a long moment, how to breath. Angel moved with a powerful grace that made her own toned dancers legs seem awkward by comparison. His amber eyes tracked her as she scooted backwards until she hit the wall. He followed on his hands and knees, shirtless, muscles moving under the skin like a shark, or a big pale wolf. "What do *you* deserve, Cor?" he teased seductively, his voice dropping in timbre. Someone was feeling better...

Cordy pushed herself up into a standing position. Angel was *stalking* her, inside her own home. Her eyes narrowed, she wasn't worried about Angelus. She could see by the tight line of his mouth and the set of his jaw that he was struggling to remain serious. Of course with the amount of alcohol she had snuck in his blood, god only knew what version of Angel she'd be dealing with tonight. But this was the same man that had taken months to get comfortable with the idea of eating in front of her and even longer for him to understand that vamping out didn't make her uncomfortable. Angel had been known to pull a face now and then, and she knew he enjoyed sneaking up and then scaring the crap out of her, that was just a part of the lameness that was Angel, but this...major discomfort. One because it was unexpected and two, because she found it sexy as hell which he could smell for craps sake!

She wasn't sure what kind of a person being turned on by being hunted made her, but hadn't she always enjoyed the chase? Of course the chase she enjoyed never left her feeling like a frightened rabbit staring down the eyes of a wolf.

Angel had stilled about six feet in front of her. Cordy's eyes darted to the left. Angel seemed to gather himself without hardly moving a muscle. His balance shifted to the balls of his feet, his haunches tensed. Cordelia broke to the right just as he pounced, hands slamming into the wall on either side of her head. She pressed her back against the sheetrock, retaught herself how to breath, then raised her hazel eyes to meet his yellow ones in defiance. He wasn't trying to hide his smug grin anymore and that made her want to abuse his family jewels again.

She smacked her palms against his chest and pushed, not bothering to be careful of the cuts that ran down his torso. He hissed, his irises darkening to brown, but he was immovable. His eyes roamed leisurely over her face, drawing a slight blush to the surface of her skin. "That was harsh Cordy, you know I was just playing."

She pushed harder and Angel smirked leaning in, his weight caving her resistance with ease. With a disgusted huff and a final slap to his abused chest she dropped her arms and glared. "Geeze Angel, it was an accident," her own mouth quirked upwards. "It's not like you can use them anyway." She poked him in the ribs, her eyes going soft despite her best intentions to give him hell. "You scared me." She whispered.

Angel's eyebrow shot up. "You threw popcorn in my hair," he shuddered "and that wasn't a very ladylike place to kick someone."

"So! It wasn't like I was aiming, and besides.." She shrugged, "Aren't you supposed to be all tortured and in pain? Any extra suffering on your part is just gravy pal!"

Angel leaned in even closer, almost touching. Her stomach would have brushed his if she'd have taken a deep breath...she was tempted. He pinned her with a look. "Well, I'm not so sure about the being tortured. I'd brood more but someone won't let me." His face moved closer. He wasn't doing what she thought..? Cordy leaned back until her head bumped against the wall. She winced and his smile widened "As for my pain, maybe you should kiss it." She heard another rumble start deep in his chest as he murmured. "That would make it *all* better."

She opened her mouth to tell him exactly where he could shove *that* idea, when he closed the remaining distance between them. His lips brushed lightly against hers -so tentative- he pulled back slightly. She could sense his uncertainty, hesitation being foreign and strange for him. Angelus always took what he wanted, and in the past, Angel hadn't known the danger of taking what had been freely offered. He'd been burned enough to be cautious, so he waited patiently while she quietly freaked, simply letting her see the emotions burning behind his eyes. What she could see had nothing to do with Darla or Buffy. Angel wanted *her*, she wondered how long he'd known Iit would be so easy, just lean up and- but she didn't want to drown. Angel could drag her under with his needs, so much more than just sex because he couldn't have that could he? Angel would want to feed off of her life, and she barely had enough spark for herself these days.

Her heart was pounding wildly. She was sure it would be a visible thing for him, thumping just under the skin. She felt transparent under his gaze. He leaned forward and once again his cool dry lips were moving hesitantly over hers, pulling lightly at her lower lip and then the slick velvet softness of his tongue as it swept out to taste her. She brought a shaking hands up to grip his hip, then slide them slowly around to caress his back. His muscles bunched under her touch and his body was a tense rigid line as his hands slid up until his forearms were resting against the wall, giving her no chance to escape as he settled fully against her.

He went stiff, pulling away with a sharp little gasp. She was tempted to follow, give in to her own weakness and pull him back down and kiss him senseless. *That* unsettled her more than his pained grimace. "Ow." He said, his head dropping to her shoulder. Not quite sure of what else to do, she gave him a sympathetic pat on the back.
"Uh, Angel?" She began. He chuckled but there was a note of exasperation underneath. His head turned and he placed a quick  kiss over the pulse in her neck, the first hints of stubble scraping her cheek as he raised his head and smiled sheepishly.

"I think I must have pulled something." he admitted, his features somewhere between seductive, apologetic and embarrassed. It was a new look for him. Her vampire had always been nothing if not smooth. Of course lately he'd become prone to tripping and she couldn't count the number of times he'd run into the wall, or the doorjamb, or even the occasional lamp post. Ok, maybe he was just smooth when it came to covering up the fact that somewhere under the cool "Dark Avenger" vamp with a soul exterior, lay a big completely endearing dork.

The idea that his recent serious lack of motor control might have been because of her, gave her a welcome jolt of confidence. Her arms slipped around his waist, supportive and friendly. She'd think about his lips and all that went with them later. Because denial was such a healthy state of mind. "I thought vampires couldn't pull muscles?" she teased, proud of how steady and not wigged that she sounded.

"No, vampires can't pee...uh," he paled, noticing her scrunched nose. "That was me sharing too much wasn't it?" She nodded and bit back a grin. "Sorry, anyway, the muscle thing is just another bit of misinformation, we actually can- and I've completely just blown my cool factor haven't I?"

"Nah," she said amicably.

"Good." He replied, letting her carry his weight as she steered him to her bedroom.

"You blew that ages ago." She gave him a good natured push onto her bed. He dropped to the mattress with all the grace of a felled tree. So much for the sexy/scary vamp game he'd been playing. Hadn't he figured out by now he always ended up looking stupid whenever he tried too hard?

She crawled over the comforter until she was next to him. He groaned, his head rolling to the side so that he could glare up at her. "NO bouncing on the bed." Cordy just rolled her eyes and flopped down beside him, grinning evilly when he growled. "I am *so* gonna bite you."

"Big words baby-man...you'd have to catch me first." His hand shot out and latched around her ankle. Her eyes flashed with defiance. She bounced. He squeezed, just long and hard enough to remind her he could break it if he wanted. Angel was a bully, give him an inch and he'd own you. She grit her teeth and bounced as hard as she could, satisfied when she saw the muscles between his shoulder blades tense and roll.

"You are the biggest bitch...." His words trailed off as her warm soft hands began to knead at the knots in his back. "Oh, mmmmluvuoh...yeahrightthereoh..."

"What was that?" She teased in a sing song voice. His body began to relax under her touch, his mouth slack, face blank. He shrugged an eyebrow at her.

"Love you?" He said hopefully.

"Nice try, Sir-Broods-Alot. That will get you off the hook tonight, but don't think you're not gonna pay for calling me a bitch."

"You call *yourself* a bitch all the time!" He grumbled.

Her eyebrows arched imperiously. "Ah, but when *I* do it, it's called feminist empowerment. When *you* do it, it's called being a jackass." She dug her palm into the tender muscle under his shoulder blade for emphasis, frowning when he grunted in satisfaction. It was supposed to hurt dammit! It probably *did* hurt, but being what he was meant he liked the pain, and...eww. She really needed to work on not creeping herself out.

Comfortable silence descended upon them as she worked the kinks out of Angel's back. This was one of the aspects of their friendship that surprised her the most, especially after the hurt over Darla had faded to the point that she didn't feel the need to wall herself off behind a constant stream of sound. Anything to hide her anger and disappointment, not only in him but herself. She'd *let* him fall, hell she'd kicked him down a few flights herself. In retrospect there were instances when she thought if she'd just pushed harder or made even the tiniest effort to reach out instead of pushing him even further away...Guilt much? She *hated* the feeling, hated his awkward attempts at reconciliation, hated the fact that she was tied for whatever time she had left to a man who cared so very much that she'd never felt more cherished, but despite the look in his eyes, how *could* she compete with a slayer or a 400 year whore.

She was pathetic, and Angel was staring again. She'd retreated so deep into her thoughts, she hadn't realized her firm confident strokes had turned erratic then angry, then stopped...only to have her fingers, without asking permission of her brain, begin to deliberately trace patterns over the surface of his skin. He shifted, rolling onto his side and tucking his arm under his cheek. His other hand crept stealthily on to her knee, sneaky fingers playing over her tanned flesh. "Where'd you go?" He asked with an amused chuckle.

She ducked her head to hide from his all seeing gaze. "Sorry, I got a little lost there for a moment." She loved the way his angular lips curled up at the edges- she shook her head and shrugged. "I was just, you know...thinking." His thumb was slowly stroking back and forth over the crease where her knee bent. She wished he'd stop. She wasn't sure what to make of Angel's obvious desire for a more tangible assurance of her presence than the sound of her voice. "Tonight was really...bad...wasn't it?" His face remained the same except for a slight widening of the eyes, a tiny flare of his nostrils...his fingers tensed slightly. Inwardly she smiled. She'd caught him off guard. "Want to talk about it?" She aimed for casual but she was sure she gave herself away just as clearly as Angel. That tiny grin turned into a smirk, less with the humor and more with the sense of knowing. So what if she was curious...he could kiss her ass.

Angel's hand slid midway up her thigh, pulling an involuntary gasp from her lungs at the intimate contact. Before she could protest his hand veered to the right and grazed her elbow, circling her arm and tugging her gently to the mattress beside him. She bit her lip, holding her breath. She was unsure of his intent, her mind reliving the sense memory of his kiss. His pale cool fingers slid up her arm, momentarily resting on her shoulder before letting her go. Her own tangled nervously into the sheets between them. They lay face to face; Cordy waited. Patience, or at least a semblance of it being another thing she had learned from her time with Angel. He took a deep breath, opened his mouth, hesitated, frowned. "Angel." Ok, her patience had very severe limits. "Just spit it out."

His eyes snapped to hers. She supposed he was trying to glare her into silence. Pfft. She crossed her eyes at him, giggling in his face as he bit *his* lip in an effort to keep a strait face. She rolled her eyes and smacked his shoulder. Finally he let it out...the wide smile he'd been hiding, imbuing his features with a rare and breathtaking handsomeness. Cordy was sure her heart skipped a beat, but when he unleashed that baby...she found she didn't care if he could hear the effect it had on her. Her thoughts were always on how she could get him to do it again. If she hadn't already found her place in the game, she'd almost have been content to make it her life's mission just to make him smile like that as often as possible. She flashed her own traffic stopping smile at him, not the one that was designed to make her a star, but the softer genuine one. For some reason that made him get serious.

"This is nice." He absently brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. Her eyes drifted closed for a moment.

"Mmm...it is." She agreed, keeping it short sensing his readiness to talk.

"Tonight *was* bad," he confided. "I made a stupid mistake...almost made my last mistake, but-" He glanced down at his fast healing cuts. Cordy noted that the bandages were no longer really needed. He lifted her chin with his finger, letting it linger for a beat against her skin. "There was a moment when I thought, this is it...Some slimy demon is going to dust me in some nameless alley and I never even-" His brow creased and he swallowed hard. "When did you start going to auditions again?"

Cordy blinked, momentarily thrown by the unexpected question. "Uh, well...you know." She pushed down the butterflies that were suddenly trying to fly out her stomach and up her throat. "I thought I'd give it one more shot before it's too-" She stopped, frowned, now was *not* the time for complete honesty. "Before I decided to give up."

"Oh."

She rushed on, betraying her nervousness with her rambling. "I just tried out for a few commercials, it's not quite the same as international superstardom, but-"

"I just thought-"

"I really hope that I get at least one part, maybe some producer will look at me and say *that's* the one I want for my new sitcom, or-"

"It just seems like-"

"Like what?" Cordy inquired, sensing his growing frustration.

"Like you're pulling away....from me." Angel swallowed again, his large hand covering hers, gripping it tightly. "I thought we were ok, but-"

"We *are* ok." Cordy insisted, unsure if she liked the idea of Angel being open about their relationship, whatever the hell *that* was..To be honest meant admitting truths too painful to face. She was comfortable in her denial, why rock the boat? Far be it from her to admit defeat, but she didn't want to die before she was twenty-one...not even for him. "We're better than ok, we're fantastic, we're-"

He was giving her that look, the one that said, 'I'm two hundred and forty-something and you are only nineteen.' It was condescending and aggravating and proved once again that he knew her better than anyone. "It's because of the visions, isn't it?" His grip tightened on her hand. She hissed at the painful grind of bone on bone. He let her go, but did not apologize. "I'm not completely blind Cordy. They're getting worse, aren't they?"

"No Angel. I'm fine, really." She waved him away, wincing and massaging her hand. It was going to be sore for a day or two. "The visions are a piece of cake. I mean sure, the headaches suck and who *really* wants to be jacked into the VR version of the evil that men do, but-"

"Stop lying to me Cordy." Angel's position never changed but the temperature of the room dropped as his tightly contained rage and hurt sucked whatever warmth they had generated right out of the air. Suddenly his presence was more than a little intimidating. A subtle reminder that not everything under his skin was human. Why couldn't he just drop it?

"Angel, please...I'm ok, and I'm not-" She found herself blinking back a sudden attack of tears. "I'm not going anywhere. She mustered a smile, keeping her emotional responses in check. "I made a promise, remember?"

Angel scooted closer; Cordy fought the urge to back away. Another lesson learned, never show fear or weakness in front of a vampire, they *always* found a way to exploit it. His forehead touched hers, voice barely audible. "I can't loose you Cordelia. I'll do whatever I have to. You know that, right?" His touch was so soft, voice so deceptively gentle. He didn't fool her. She had become an expert at reading between Angel's lines.

He was thinking about it now. His features clouded and she could see the darkness gathering behind his eyes. He was traveling along dark avenues of thought, mulling over things that would probably put her in therapy for the next -ever- if he decided to get chatty and share. This time Cordy didn't need to buy a clue, and maybe she could use a little of that therapy now, because she *did* know. Somewhere between getting over Buffy and letting go of Darla, she had become more important to Angel than either of them had realized- and Angel didn't exactly have the same limits that most men had. He'd sideline her if that's what it took, find a way to take her out of the game.

Fuck THAT.

Cordelia Chase was nobodies fricking cheerleader any more. So Angel had another personal epiphany- well whoopty-doo. Angel *needed* her, which meant he needed her alive, and really. What kind of insane person *wanted* to die? She certainly didn't, but *she* needed to stay in the game. Anything less was no longer enough. Cordy's eyes locked with his and just for a moment she let him see, let him look behind her eyes and take her measure- to determine for himself if he had the stones to take her on. He didn't, no matter what he thought, not for this. The visions were *hers*, they may be addresses to him, but Angel's little trip to beigeville had proven that it didn't matter who the visions were for. The horrors hadn't stopped because her warrior had taken a little personal time. Even with Wes and Gunn there to help, the responsibility in the end, had been hers.

Besides it was her mind they invaded, her senses they battered. The pain they caused was as much a part of her as her keen fashion sense or her inner bitch. Call her arrogant, but she refused to believe that the visions had fallen to her by pure happenstance. There *had* to be a point. Call her selfish but she stubbornly believed that the powers wouldn't just let a person suffer and die for doing the right thing. There had to be something more, didn't there?

Angel's lips pressed into a grim line. No smiles for her, not this time. "Ok," he conceded. "Ok..It's just when you left this afternoon without telling me where you were going, and when you came back, you were so happy and excited."

"My audition went well."

"But I didn't know you had an audition. I thought all kinds of things...and when I thought you might have decided to leave me- us." His eyes blackened, the intensity of his gaze melting some of the glacial numbness that had settled over her soul over the last few months. His voice dropped to little more than a growl. "I didn't like that." She opened her mouth to argue but he shook his head. "Let me finish. I would have been fine but then, when I suggested coming over tonight, you told me no." He swallowed once more, his hand sliding up to tangle fingers into the dark hair at the nape of her neck. He held her fast, keeping their foreheads touching. "When I was fighting tonight, all I could think about was what you might be doing, *who* you might be doing." His irises went golden. "When I was hurt, when I thought 'This is it.' all I could think of was you...."

Cordelia couldn't hold back her tears any longer, she couldn't hide her weakness any more than she could fight his need, because she needed him just as badly. She had denied it, taken a stab at independence, downplayed his importance in her life. But his softly spoken confession had shattered those walls. If she hadn't have loved him so deeply, his abandonment wouldn't have hurt so much. If she hadn't loved him, letting him back in her life would have been easy, but she did love him and he had hurt her and yet they'd grown stronger and she was crying and he was kissing her again, and god it felt like coming home and finally finding the last piece of the puzzle, and- and-

All rational thought flew strait out of her head the moment Angel's tongue brushed against hers. The shock of it raced down her spine into the spreading warmth in her belly as he kissed her slow and deep. Cordy heard him moan as her own tongue flicked out to tickle the roof of his mouth. Angel crawled on top of her, hands entwining with hers, holding her to the mattress while he explored her mouth and claimed her lips, licking and nipping and basically reducing her to a trembling bundle of fried synapses. She worked her hands free and immediately they began the task of exploring every square inch of his back. Moisture pooled between her legs at the way his muscles bunched and twitched under her touch.

She couldn't get enough of his mouth and those wet, messy, never-ending kisses marred only by her need to breath. She decided breathing was *way* overrated. She'd die happy suffocating in his kisses. Someone else was getting happy. She felt the hard length of him against her inner thigh, and everything inside just clenched...she rolled her hips under his and he gasped against her cheek where he'd been kissing a trail down to her neck. He pulled away enough to look into her eyes and she saw a desire there that was both human and other. Cool fingers of dread crawled up her back and not because Angel was his demon. Angel's stubborn obsessiveness, his capacity for violence that clashed with his finer nature...was simply a part of who he was. But because she felt the pull of both on her heart. She didn't want to know what that said about her own capacity for darkness.

Had living with the visions for so long bred a need for the love of someone who knew firsthand the ugliness that could hide beneath a pretty surface? Had she changed to the point that the only being in the world that she could find complete understanding of what lived behind her eyes with was a demon? She wondered if even Angel could grasp what the last few weeks had been about, if he'd care that she had been mourning that unburdened shallow girl that she had once been. She'd tried to make a break for the surface and take that one last gasp before sinking without a struggle into his world.

Angel settled between her legs like he had been made to fit there, his weight driving her down- deeper. Was it possible to feel so much by doing so little? His mouth had latched on to her neck and she couldn't think...nope. Not one single thought came to mind except how to get him closer, hooking her legs around his hips worked, as did clutching at his shoulders and dragging him down. Angel hooked an arm under one knee, drawing her leg up as he thrust against her. She wanted his clothes off NOW, but he backed away, drawing out the moment as his palms skated over the surface of her skin sending ripples of pleasure radiating out from her center. Wave after wave, spreading languidly all the way out to her fingers and toes.

Her heart fluttered and skipped when she felt his teeth elongate, scraping against her collarbone then teasing her nipples into hard tight peaks. He explored her body with his teeth the way most men would their hands. She grabbed him by the hair and pulled him away. Golden yellow eyes blinked in surprise then lowered in shame..dumbass. She crushed her lips to his, swirling her tongue into his mouth, twining, dueling -careful of his fangs- yet curious, testing the sharpness as he rubbed his cock against her cleft.

When had this happened? How had this- this was *Angel*, for whom she'd always been nothing more than a distant distraction and now he was moaning into her mouth and grinding his hips slowly and deliberately against hers...and it was *right*. The way things were supposed to be. "NO!" Angel pulled away, hovering over her- close but no longer pressed against her. "We-" She pressed a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth. "Oh god." She kissed him square on the lips, warmed now with her borrowed heat. "Please Cor, we have to-" She bit his bottom lip, pleased with the inarticulate groan she'd teased out of him.

He tore his mouth away and skittered off the bed, landing on the floor in an ungraceful heap. She crawled to the edge to see him huddled there. He held up his hand, halting her. His face was drawn in pain. "Stop Cordelia, I mean it. Just don't." His entire body was corded with tension. He half turned, drawing his knee's to his chest and hugging himself, refusing to look her in the eye.

"Angel, talk to me." Cordy kept her voice calm, knowing full well the safest place for her to be was on the bed. The monsters couldn't get you if you just stayed on the bed. His features twisted in grief and regret, an inner pain so deep it bordered on physical. "It's not just the sex, Cor, " he mumbled, rocking slightly. "I want you so badly, but- it's too much." He looked away, shamed more by this cold truth than his demon. Of course it was too much to ask for just one piece of her life to be simple. She chuckled softly. She had made her choice, and Angel? He was worth it.

"It's nice to know I make you happy." She scooted to the edge of the bed, swung her legs down, leaned over and ruffled his hair. He gaped at her, not bothering to hide his confusion.

"You're not angry?" He slid around to face her. "Cordy, I can't give you...anything." His hand reached up, absently caressing her calf. He blew out a frustrated breath. "You deserve so many things- things I can't give you right now." His fingers squeezed, digging in to her muscle. She wasn't a slayer so that hurt. She resolved to break him of that habit if they were going to be together. She fought to hide her grin at the thought -them- together. "I want to more than you can ever know, but-"

She poked him in the ribs with her toe. "Angel, I don't want you turning homicidal any more than you do." His mouth drew down into a frown, and so it began -Self flagellation 101- Angel should teach a class. Habit number two she resolved to break him of. Angel excelled at martyrdom, but that was because at heart he was just a big old drama queen. With her natural practicality they found a weird sort of balance. "Uh unh...Angel, none of that." She cocked her head. " In all those brooding tortured thoughts of yours, did you ever consider what I might want and need?"

He started to tick each one off his fingers. "You need to loose the visions. You need to date boy's your own age. You need to have girlfriends like other young beautiful LA girls do. You need to quit hanging out with dead people. (a dirty sock hit him in the face, courtesy of Dennis.) You need-"

"*You* need to shut up." She interrupted with a death glare.

He smirked. "You know I'm right."

She harumphed. "You are *so* full of shit! You might as well get over it with the visions. We can talk options later, but the visions...they stay with me. As for meeting boys- with the exception of the temporary insanity that was my relationship with Xander Harris- I have *never* dated boy's my own age." She leaned over the bed, and eyeballed the sitting vampire. "If you hadn't had your head so far up Buffy's ass in Sunnydale you would have noticed that despite the popularity, I've never been a big people person, and most girls annoy the hell out of me. As for who I hang out with, vain much? Wes and Gunn are my friends too. ALL of you mean the world to me, not just any one. Your lack of a pulse doesn't make you special. And if you bring up the sex issue, I'm gonna slap you. We'll work something out."

She paused to take a breath and Angel rose to his knees, pushing her's apart to nestle between her legs. "You deserve that too," he whispered as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her snugly to him. His head dipped and he teased her lips with tiny closed mouth kisses. "So what is it that *does* make me special?" He murmured against her ear.

She pulled back until she could meet his eyes. Her stomach fluttered nervously, but she was not a coward, never had been. "I think that would be the fact that I am in love with you." she whispered.

Angel froze. He disengaged himself, standing abruptly and stalking to the door. His chest rose and fell as he sucked in ragged breaths. The tense line of his shoulders were highlighted in the sparse light. "Angel?"

He turned slowly, favoring her with a rueful half smile. "Cordelia," he chided. "What part of 'the curse is not just about sex' did you not understand?" He sighed his hands on his hips as he regarded her thoughtfully. He shook his head. "This is never going to work out."

She snorted. "You were the one fishing for compliments, buddy." She waggled a finger at him, then let out a tired yawn "Of course it will work out, it's just new is all." She crawled under the covers. "Come on Angel," she wheedled, " a lifetime with me??" She smirked, "You know it's an eternity of guaranteed torment and torture."

Slowly his shoulders relaxed, his arms dropped to the side and his lips quirked into a genuine smile. "You promise?"

"I'll make it my life's mission," she deadpanned. "Now come to bed."

His face fell. "We can't, you know.."

"Have sex? The word, *duh* comes to mind."

Angel stared at her a moment longer the humor fading from his expression until what was left in his eyes scorched along her skin. Once again she got a sense of the abyss just underneath his handsome features. Both the man and the demon stared at her until she had to look away. Finally, when the moment had bled past any chance of perfection, "I love you Cordelia." There was a solemn weight behind those words. As a vampire, to admit to love was the same as confessing to weakness. For a vampire in possession of a soul that tenuously hinged upon his happiness the confession had been dangerous. It had cost him something and that made the declaration all the more precious.

She swiped at the corners of her eyes. "You coming?" She croaked, turning her back to him as she nestled down. After a moment the mattress dipped and Angel slid behind her, gathering her up and wrapping his larger frame around hers. She smiled when he kissed her shoulder, sighed contentedly when he brushed her hair aside with his cheek and buried his head in her neck taking a measure of comfort from her warmth and the steady rhythm of her pulse.

It wasn't perfection, but for now- it was enough.

Cordelia ran, splashing through the sun dappled waves of an unnamed lake. The light played across the choppy waves like a living thing, baking her sun kissed skin as she waded out away from the shore. Everything was warm and bright, painted in hues of orange and gold and sunny yellows...yet something was missing. Some part of her pulled her out further and further from the safety of the shore. The danger of getting lost thrilling a dark part of her psyche that was buried so deep she had never sensed it except in her dreams.

The midnight blue of the deeper waters called to her, seducing her with it's cool mystery, and yet there was a sense of the familiar. She looked up, shielding her eyes from the harshness of the noonday sun. It was beautiful and she would miss it, but...She dove, swimming with strong confident strokes towards the bottom of the lake. The light grew paler the water colder, but it didn't seem to bother her.

There was a flash of silver below, she headed towards it as it rose to greet her. It was he, pale muscle radiant in the mercurial light, eyes catching the moonlike glow of the filtered sunshine. She slowed, drifting until they met near the sandy bottom. The plant life around them danced and swayed to a rhythm far older than even his ancient bones. The light shimmered around them an unearthly white turning her skin as pale as his, giving off no warmth, but the heat in his eyes warmed her well enough. Her hair swirled in a living curtain around them, as he smiled and ever the courtly gentleman, offered her his hand.

She took it, turning her back on the sun drenched shore as he took her in his arms and pressed his cold lips to hers. He pulled back and asked her for a promise. She smiled, caressing his heavy brow then laying her forehead against his. She promised him that one day they would break the surface and walk into the sunshine...together.

Fini