(no subject)
Over the last year everything in my life has changed piece by piece, or more accurately, i've watched it come to an end and decided what to do from there. My relationship of 5 years ending, my shop - which is the culmination of the work i've done for the last ten years, putting my dog of 16 years down, simultaneously moving out of two spaces that have felt very much like home, and confronting who i am after everything outside of me that i identified with was over. It's been humbling, really depressing, liberating and ultimately something i'm deeply grateful for. One side effect is - i'm being very selective in who i want around me while the dust is settling, maybe longer. I've cut my mother out of my life, my grandmother and the rest of the family, not surprisingly - my ex, and some people that have been good friends who i don't feel an affinity with at the moment. As the list of people gets longer i've been acutely aware how selfish and cavalier this is and that along with the valid reasons i have to cut them out i fear that i'm also hiding from something. Being that i don't have much time and emotional energy it's best that i don't try to negotiate these things right now, i'd just hurt them and prove that there is no place for what they have to offer or what they want from me.