(no subject)
Here we go again. Im once again at Daniels house and once again what a shitty time it has turned out to be. I got here last night only to find out that he still wasn't home and he wasn't where he told me he was going. He called me a little after 5 and said he was going to Lee's house. I get here at 8:30 and he hasn't come home yet. Then I empty out his ashtray and find weed stems in it. I had asked him earier in the week if there had been anyone smoking in his room and he said no. Well turns out that my wonderful boyfriend in lieing, like normal. When he gets home at about 9 I ask about it and he finally tells me that Andy was, but he wasn't. I want so hard to believe him, but I'm tired of getting hurt. Everytime he lies he tells me he's not going to do it anymore and me being stupid like I am, I believe him. He is tearing me down. I don't know what to do. Daniel told me that he is going to give up weed for good, but then he lies to me about being around it. I think he is still smoking. I love him so fucking much and I just want it to work. Why does it have to be so hard for two people who love each other so much to get along? I don't know how much more I can take. God if he only knew or understood how much he hurt me. Life isn't fair. I wish that we could go back to the days where we valued every moment we spent together. And when I trusted him. I don't know if I'll ever be able to trust him again. I want to spend the reat of my life with him, but how can I when he can't even be honest with me. His parens are going out of town this weekend and Daniel is coming back to my house. Or that was what he first told me. I also found out that he had talked to John about having a party, but Daniel told me that it was only a thought in his head that he'd rather come to my house. I know he's lieing because I know for sure that he'd rather stay here and get trashed then spend time with his bitchy girlfriend. He was at my house last weekend too and we had the greatest time. Why can't it be like that all the time? Well anyways, this is the last weekend I will be here. Next Friday I leave for Arizona. I am excited, but also worried about Daniel. I hope he doesn't do anything to stupid while I'm gone. It makes me not want to go because I can't trust him, but I can't tell him that because he'll gat mad and say I'm acting like his mom or some shit. WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO OUR RELATIONSHIP??? This sucks. My life is mmiserable. When will it get better?