alright this is a real update.
i promise i won't take too much time on this. Basically:
week before spring break dave came down to sc and it was AWESOME!!! much fun was had and even though i was sucking ass at lacrosse that week, i still had fun with dave during non lacrosse time. he left a couple of days before my birthday which was really sad but i was happy he came down anyway.
my birthday was fun. got some drinkage going and went to a strip club with some of my teammates. fun night was had.
spring break week the whole team went to hilton head, sc wed only to stay there for our night game and leave the next morning at 8 for MD. we had two games during our whole trip from hilton head to MD and i didn't play at all. same shit as last year. in my opinion a complete waste of time and money for coach to feed the players who didn't get any time in at all throughout the trip.
week after spring break, same bs. classes, practice and a couple of games. got to play in belmont abbey game. first time since lees mcrae game (also on my birthday) bout three weeks ago.
now that i've caught up on what has happened to me for the past three weeks, now it's time to talk about what's going on in my current situation.
Ever since I had a great interview with SUNYIT and started planning out and going through the things i needed to get done to get a good start in the fall, things have been going well, great. my mom and family were excited to see me come home for good now in NY and the set intention to graduate on time as soon as i start my summer sessions this coming may. everything was starting to fall into place, what classes i am going to take this summer, what i plan to do with my class schedules at IT and even down to my living arrangements. all we needed to hear was the awards letter. well my sis called me up sunday night and told me the news.
i didn't get anything, no kinds of awards or grants or even TAP. at first i was surprised that i didn't get TAP, but then a few moments later after the news was broken out to me, i wasn't. mom makes just enough to pay for my school which explains why i didn't get anything. now i can picture this right away, my mom hearing about the bad news and then wonders why IT isn't givng me scholarships like Limestone. if any of you know how my mom is then you'd understand, but basically it costs the same to go to IT w/o financial aid as it is going to Limestone and having my scholarships. The downside to Limestone is that the cost of the school overall is going to go up another 2-3 grand. The past two years I have been here, we've paid about 12 grand a year. According to the estimated cost at IT, it would be about 14 grand a year, maybe a little more maybe a little less. but i graduate on time, which i see it as i'd rather pay for summer sessions to foresee myself graduating in spring of 08 than spend an extra 14-15 grand at Limestone to graduate in 09. in addition i have a better chance at getting a job right away from a more legit school.
now that's one dilemma. my mom and sis or mainly my sis was giving me options. one of them was to take a year off from school, make some money and then go back or even a semester off. no. i can't do that. because it's hard enough for me to get back in the mindset of school if i take more than a month off. so i pretty much boxed that option out. or i transfer and go to ualbany instead and commute from home. sounds nice the offer, cheaper cuz i don't have to worry about room and board, but i went away for college for a reason. to live out on my own.
which then brings up this other problem. apparently my mom has trouble remembering what the hell it is i am interested in or at least what major i am going into. for a while i wanted to go into athletic training/ physical therapy. but b/c some things didn't work out the way i had hoped, i've decided to break away from that dream for a while. unfortunately my mom didn't know or didn't remember the conversation we had the day of the interview with IT, that i will be a health information and health services major. i'll just go back to PT or health sciences in grad school. so when my mom found out, she felt like she was "lied to" which i know i didn't. i've been telling her throughout this whole transfer thing that i'm changing my major, not going into PT just yet, but she just doesn't listen.
my sis tried to help and explain to her while i was on the line, that my major is in human resources, almost. well needless to say, mom didn't take it well and i could hear her yelling in the back. stating that that kind of major or career is hard to find a job. that i am just "wasting my time" and i should just come home and forget about IT. i broke down feeling like a failure b/c i felt guilty for making mom even more miserable. but from my other sources, i shouldn't feel guilty for choosing what i want to get into.
last night i talked with the big sis and she informed me that mom made an ultimatum, if i go to SUNYIT, she won't help me, i'm on my own. which i was expecting. i wasn't surprised with that, and amazingly i wasn't upset. i was going to take on a loan under my name going into my junior year of college anyway. i'm not hurt at all with my mom's decision. i'm hurt that she has been thinking throughout the time that i was pulling her leg, or being unreasonable about her being able to pay that much right away. the whole time i had been aggreeing with her that it's hard for her to pay for my school, but unfortunately she thinks i had been disaggreeing with her instead. i've been on her side the entire time. =(
i try to excuse it that the reason why my mom and i can never see eye to eye or at least have a calm relation is b/c of language barriers. i mean yeah i get stubborn just like she does and i sometimes don't understand and i need something reread to me a few times, but honestly i think whenever someone wether it is me or someone else, tries to explain to her in plain, water-down, and simplified english, all she hears is blah blah blah blah blah... like when charlie's adult figures make that noise when they're talking. i think that's all she hears. she hears the words but doesn't really listen to them.
i just hate this, this whole mom thinking that i'm blindly coming back to NY without thinking ahead, or so i have been told that she thinks that of me. bottomline, i think the reason she's flipping out is b/c i am not getting any type of "scholarships" or grants or awards to IT. it's all about money issues with her. i dont' think i've had a conversation with mom that didn't involve the topic of money or making or spending it. "get a job that will pay a lot and that it is stable..." she says. well i know that, that's what i'm trying to do but i want to enjoy my job while i make money too. i know she doesn't want me to struggle liek she did, but i guess in order for me to do well, i have to struggle just a bit. i didn't like it when the messenger (my sis) told me my mom went off stating that the real reason i want to go to IT is b/c of dave. yea dave being there is a bonus, but i looked at IT for educational and financial reasons first. he understands that and respects that. in actuality he didn't want me to transfer to IT at first b/c of teh problems he has dealt with the school.
i dunno. all i know is that i should have seen this coming. everything had been going pretty smoothly for the most part with this whole transfer thing up until now. i can't go back to Limestone. my coach has already signed another goalie, and i just don't want to be around the drama anymore. i just want to be a regular student, being a student athlete has its perks but once u graduate adn have no idea what to do with your life, you're screwed.
so it's decided i am going to take on a loan from bank of america, i just need to get a co-signer. idon't want to ask mom b/c she'll tell me no. so i'm currently trying to figure out who'd be a good candidate that is at least supportive of my decision going to IT. i said to my sister flat out, that i understand i can't get any finacial support from anyone, but if i don't get any moral support. you know at least some kind of calm relations with her or mom on a level away from my educational decision, not to expect that many phone calls from me any time soon.
week before spring break dave came down to sc and it was AWESOME!!! much fun was had and even though i was sucking ass at lacrosse that week, i still had fun with dave during non lacrosse time. he left a couple of days before my birthday which was really sad but i was happy he came down anyway.
my birthday was fun. got some drinkage going and went to a strip club with some of my teammates. fun night was had.
spring break week the whole team went to hilton head, sc wed only to stay there for our night game and leave the next morning at 8 for MD. we had two games during our whole trip from hilton head to MD and i didn't play at all. same shit as last year. in my opinion a complete waste of time and money for coach to feed the players who didn't get any time in at all throughout the trip.
week after spring break, same bs. classes, practice and a couple of games. got to play in belmont abbey game. first time since lees mcrae game (also on my birthday) bout three weeks ago.
now that i've caught up on what has happened to me for the past three weeks, now it's time to talk about what's going on in my current situation.
Ever since I had a great interview with SUNYIT and started planning out and going through the things i needed to get done to get a good start in the fall, things have been going well, great. my mom and family were excited to see me come home for good now in NY and the set intention to graduate on time as soon as i start my summer sessions this coming may. everything was starting to fall into place, what classes i am going to take this summer, what i plan to do with my class schedules at IT and even down to my living arrangements. all we needed to hear was the awards letter. well my sis called me up sunday night and told me the news.
i didn't get anything, no kinds of awards or grants or even TAP. at first i was surprised that i didn't get TAP, but then a few moments later after the news was broken out to me, i wasn't. mom makes just enough to pay for my school which explains why i didn't get anything. now i can picture this right away, my mom hearing about the bad news and then wonders why IT isn't givng me scholarships like Limestone. if any of you know how my mom is then you'd understand, but basically it costs the same to go to IT w/o financial aid as it is going to Limestone and having my scholarships. The downside to Limestone is that the cost of the school overall is going to go up another 2-3 grand. The past two years I have been here, we've paid about 12 grand a year. According to the estimated cost at IT, it would be about 14 grand a year, maybe a little more maybe a little less. but i graduate on time, which i see it as i'd rather pay for summer sessions to foresee myself graduating in spring of 08 than spend an extra 14-15 grand at Limestone to graduate in 09. in addition i have a better chance at getting a job right away from a more legit school.
now that's one dilemma. my mom and sis or mainly my sis was giving me options. one of them was to take a year off from school, make some money and then go back or even a semester off. no. i can't do that. because it's hard enough for me to get back in the mindset of school if i take more than a month off. so i pretty much boxed that option out. or i transfer and go to ualbany instead and commute from home. sounds nice the offer, cheaper cuz i don't have to worry about room and board, but i went away for college for a reason. to live out on my own.
which then brings up this other problem. apparently my mom has trouble remembering what the hell it is i am interested in or at least what major i am going into. for a while i wanted to go into athletic training/ physical therapy. but b/c some things didn't work out the way i had hoped, i've decided to break away from that dream for a while. unfortunately my mom didn't know or didn't remember the conversation we had the day of the interview with IT, that i will be a health information and health services major. i'll just go back to PT or health sciences in grad school. so when my mom found out, she felt like she was "lied to" which i know i didn't. i've been telling her throughout this whole transfer thing that i'm changing my major, not going into PT just yet, but she just doesn't listen.
my sis tried to help and explain to her while i was on the line, that my major is in human resources, almost. well needless to say, mom didn't take it well and i could hear her yelling in the back. stating that that kind of major or career is hard to find a job. that i am just "wasting my time" and i should just come home and forget about IT. i broke down feeling like a failure b/c i felt guilty for making mom even more miserable. but from my other sources, i shouldn't feel guilty for choosing what i want to get into.
last night i talked with the big sis and she informed me that mom made an ultimatum, if i go to SUNYIT, she won't help me, i'm on my own. which i was expecting. i wasn't surprised with that, and amazingly i wasn't upset. i was going to take on a loan under my name going into my junior year of college anyway. i'm not hurt at all with my mom's decision. i'm hurt that she has been thinking throughout the time that i was pulling her leg, or being unreasonable about her being able to pay that much right away. the whole time i had been aggreeing with her that it's hard for her to pay for my school, but unfortunately she thinks i had been disaggreeing with her instead. i've been on her side the entire time. =(
i try to excuse it that the reason why my mom and i can never see eye to eye or at least have a calm relation is b/c of language barriers. i mean yeah i get stubborn just like she does and i sometimes don't understand and i need something reread to me a few times, but honestly i think whenever someone wether it is me or someone else, tries to explain to her in plain, water-down, and simplified english, all she hears is blah blah blah blah blah... like when charlie's adult figures make that noise when they're talking. i think that's all she hears. she hears the words but doesn't really listen to them.
i just hate this, this whole mom thinking that i'm blindly coming back to NY without thinking ahead, or so i have been told that she thinks that of me. bottomline, i think the reason she's flipping out is b/c i am not getting any type of "scholarships" or grants or awards to IT. it's all about money issues with her. i dont' think i've had a conversation with mom that didn't involve the topic of money or making or spending it. "get a job that will pay a lot and that it is stable..." she says. well i know that, that's what i'm trying to do but i want to enjoy my job while i make money too. i know she doesn't want me to struggle liek she did, but i guess in order for me to do well, i have to struggle just a bit. i didn't like it when the messenger (my sis) told me my mom went off stating that the real reason i want to go to IT is b/c of dave. yea dave being there is a bonus, but i looked at IT for educational and financial reasons first. he understands that and respects that. in actuality he didn't want me to transfer to IT at first b/c of teh problems he has dealt with the school.
i dunno. all i know is that i should have seen this coming. everything had been going pretty smoothly for the most part with this whole transfer thing up until now. i can't go back to Limestone. my coach has already signed another goalie, and i just don't want to be around the drama anymore. i just want to be a regular student, being a student athlete has its perks but once u graduate adn have no idea what to do with your life, you're screwed.
so it's decided i am going to take on a loan from bank of america, i just need to get a co-signer. idon't want to ask mom b/c she'll tell me no. so i'm currently trying to figure out who'd be a good candidate that is at least supportive of my decision going to IT. i said to my sister flat out, that i understand i can't get any finacial support from anyone, but if i don't get any moral support. you know at least some kind of calm relations with her or mom on a level away from my educational decision, not to expect that many phone calls from me any time soon.