ten things i hate about myself
Alcohol: My name is Ronin and I have a serious problem.
Anger: I also have a serious problem with anger. I'm angry like 98% of the day. I just can't seem to shake it. EVERYTHING people do pisses me off to almost no end. Myspace is a prime example of this. Goddamn, myspace is full of so many douchebags. And so many fucking Jews. Fuck, I fucking hate Jews. I wishwishwishwishwish Japan had never bombed Pearl Harbor, then we would have never stuck our nose into WWII, and Hitler and the rest of the Third Reich would have put an end to Judaism and the world would be a much better fucking place. But anyway, back to my anger issues, the intraweb accounts for a good percent of my anger, but real life accounts for the rest. ESPECIALLY the driving aspect of real life. Fuck, driving angers me so much. I honestly think I'm the best driver ever. I use turn signals, I merge beautifully, I can parallel park like a motherfucker, I ISSUE THANK YOU WAVES,
I DON'T DRIVE WHILST ON MY CELL PHONE. Everyone seriously needs to be more like me.
But yeah, girls, dude,
WORST. DRIVERS. EVER.
And that's a true motherfucking story.
I really don't want to be angry, but the world gives me little choice. I'm madly in anger with you, world. I'm madly in anger with you.
Facial hair: Let's get physical for a second, I hate how I can't grow a fucking beard. I wish so fucking badly I could grow a beard like this:
But I can't. In fact, I can't grow any decent looking facial hair. Not a day goes by that I don't curse my father and his lousy fucking genetics for not giving me the ability to grow a fucking beard. Fuck.
Friends: I really hate how hard it is for me to make friends. I've been around this earth for a good twenty years, and in that time, I've only made TWO genuine friends. TWO. Two people I can honestly count on. Two people I trust with everything. Two people that if I say, "Hey, I need to kill this person, help me out." they'd be there every step of the way. Throughout the years I've met people whom I thought were friends, people I considered friends, but as time went by, we grew distant and distant, to the point where we don't even recognize each other anymore. It's a shame. It makes you wonder if all the time you spent with them was just a waste. I often think that. And I think it is. What's the point of investing time getting to know someone, when they're not even going to be around long? I don't know. It just seems so hard to find honest, genuine people. Everyone has a secret agenda. Everyone's a liar. It seems like trust has gone the way of the buffalo. Friends, who needs 'em.
Misanthropy: This ties in with quite a few things. Anger, friends, pessimism, I really just fucking hate everyone. I hate interacting with people. I hate talking to them. I hate socializing with them. I feel like such a fake sometimes. Especially when someone, whom I hate with all of my being, is talking to me, and I'm being so fucking, well, cordial, I suppose. I'm being friendly. Which is the complete anti-thesis of what I'm all about. I'm not cordial. I'm not nice. I'm none of that. I always feel the need to put a front. I thought this started and ended with high school, but apparently I was dead wrong. I also hate how I'm at a show because there's a certain band I want to see, and I'm standing alone, and people come up to me asking what's wrong. Why I'm not talking to anyone. WTF? I can't go to a show and I stand by myself without people thinking there's something wrong with me? Well, you know, there is something wrong with me, I FUCKING HATE ALL OF YOU. Yeah, and it's the fucking truth. Each day that goes by I think I hate people more and more, and I seriously don't think this is ever going to change. It's pretty fucking sad, too.
Pessimism: A good example of pessimism is the whole goddamn entry. I think if you could sum me up in one word, it's "pessimistic". I am the complete epitome of it. The way I look at it is if you expect the worst, when the worst happens it's not a surprise; it's no big deal. I've been dealing with rejection and disappointment for so long, not only does it not phase me anymore, but in the few instances when things actually do good well, I don't know how to deal with it. Sort of like when an overtly-optimistic person deals with disappointment for the first time. It sort of reminds me of high school, when all the goody-goody AP faggots received bad grades, they couldn't deal with. Which is why many of them committed suicide, or got knocked up, or turned to a life of crime. Meanwhile, when I received the same grade, it was nothing new. I went on with life. And I when I run into those people somewhere and see how shitty their lives ended up, I can't help but smile. You know, maybe this isn't so bad after all...
Relationships: One of the things I really hate the most about myself. My inability to have a relationship. I think it's truly sad that I've never had a girlfriend. In fact, I've never even gone as far as to date someone. I just can't do it. I get bored so - fucking - easily. As soon as I start liking someone, something inside of me just flips that switch back to off, and I move on. This has been my life in a nutshell. In other cases, like I've mentioned before, I find some minor flaw in a girl, and I run with it. Like I make excuses for myself to give up. It's fucking horrible. I even wonder sometimes if I did manage to find a girl whom held my attention for more than a week if I could even be faithful to her. I just feel so incapable of commitment. I'm deathly afraid of it. And it's so strange too, because I would really love a family one day. But each day that goes by I see that vision fading and fading. Maybe I just haven't found the right girl. Perhaps that's all it really takes. One girl to make you feel like you've been drinking Jack 'n Coke all morning. One girl to change the whole way you perceive things. I'm really hoping that's the case.
Sadism: As much as certain things in my past point to me having more masochistic tendencies than anything else, I can't help but feel extremely sadistic. But not sadistic in the traditional sense of inflicting pain on others. More like just seeing others suffer. Nothing gets me off more. Seriously. Like I've said before, when couples break up, I can't help but feel so..so..fucking good. It brings me such joy. Often I read girls entries and they babble on about how they love their boyfriend so much and blah, blah, blah, they're going to be together "forever", and then I read another entry about how they broke up. Oh man. Nothing is sweeter than that. I sometimes even think about posting a comment to tell them how happy their misery has made me.
I hate other people being happy. If I'm not, nobody should be. Which is why it's so refreshing to see people feel like shit. It's like, "yeah, now you know how I feel all the time, motherfuckers." If everyone was depressed, the world would be a bit more enjoyable.
Scars: To some extent, I hate my body. I'm not unhappy with being tall and being skinny. After all, some of the most attractive men are tall and skinny: David Bowie, Mick Jagger, Tommy Lee, Steven Tyler, etc. I would definitely not like being short. Like I've said a million times before, short guys no respect. Regardless of penis size. I also would definitely not like being fat in any shape or form. Even average is no good. I like looking like a heroin addict.
What I do not like is how many scars my body has accumulated. This is all thanks to my ridiculous obsession with wrestling in middle school. I should seriously be a poster child for NOT letting children watch wrestling. Fake or not, it's a bad fucking influence. At the height of the backyard wrestling craze: I broke my wrist twice, shattered my collarbone, dislocated my jaw, sprained my ankles countless times, endured numerous concussions, lost pints upon pints of blood - gallons even, and probably worst of all, received several rows of deep gashes on my back thanks to barbed wire. Seriously, it looks like somebody whipped me...several hundred times.
And throughout all of this, I never bothered to once think about how it might affect my future. If there's one thing I regret the most, it's definitely that.
Self-absorbed: I hate how selfish I am. I really do. I hate caring only about myself. But it's so hard to care about other people when they're so full of shit. I also hate how careless I am with people's feelings. Like I don't even contemplate how my actions are going to affect other people. I guess I don't realize that not everyone is me, and not everyone isn't easily offended. I'm just now starting to comprehend this whole "words do hurt" theory. Yeah, I'm an asshole, but seriously, who isn't?
Anger: I also have a serious problem with anger. I'm angry like 98% of the day. I just can't seem to shake it. EVERYTHING people do pisses me off to almost no end. Myspace is a prime example of this. Goddamn, myspace is full of so many douchebags. And so many fucking Jews. Fuck, I fucking hate Jews. I wishwishwishwishwish Japan had never bombed Pearl Harbor, then we would have never stuck our nose into WWII, and Hitler and the rest of the Third Reich would have put an end to Judaism and the world would be a much better fucking place. But anyway, back to my anger issues, the intraweb accounts for a good percent of my anger, but real life accounts for the rest. ESPECIALLY the driving aspect of real life. Fuck, driving angers me so much. I honestly think I'm the best driver ever. I use turn signals, I merge beautifully, I can parallel park like a motherfucker, I ISSUE THANK YOU WAVES,
I DON'T DRIVE WHILST ON MY CELL PHONE. Everyone seriously needs to be more like me.
But yeah, girls, dude,
WORST. DRIVERS. EVER.
And that's a true motherfucking story.
I really don't want to be angry, but the world gives me little choice. I'm madly in anger with you, world. I'm madly in anger with you.
Facial hair: Let's get physical for a second, I hate how I can't grow a fucking beard. I wish so fucking badly I could grow a beard like this:
But I can't. In fact, I can't grow any decent looking facial hair. Not a day goes by that I don't curse my father and his lousy fucking genetics for not giving me the ability to grow a fucking beard. Fuck.
Friends: I really hate how hard it is for me to make friends. I've been around this earth for a good twenty years, and in that time, I've only made TWO genuine friends. TWO. Two people I can honestly count on. Two people I trust with everything. Two people that if I say, "Hey, I need to kill this person, help me out." they'd be there every step of the way. Throughout the years I've met people whom I thought were friends, people I considered friends, but as time went by, we grew distant and distant, to the point where we don't even recognize each other anymore. It's a shame. It makes you wonder if all the time you spent with them was just a waste. I often think that. And I think it is. What's the point of investing time getting to know someone, when they're not even going to be around long? I don't know. It just seems so hard to find honest, genuine people. Everyone has a secret agenda. Everyone's a liar. It seems like trust has gone the way of the buffalo. Friends, who needs 'em.
Misanthropy: This ties in with quite a few things. Anger, friends, pessimism, I really just fucking hate everyone. I hate interacting with people. I hate talking to them. I hate socializing with them. I feel like such a fake sometimes. Especially when someone, whom I hate with all of my being, is talking to me, and I'm being so fucking, well, cordial, I suppose. I'm being friendly. Which is the complete anti-thesis of what I'm all about. I'm not cordial. I'm not nice. I'm none of that. I always feel the need to put a front. I thought this started and ended with high school, but apparently I was dead wrong. I also hate how I'm at a show because there's a certain band I want to see, and I'm standing alone, and people come up to me asking what's wrong. Why I'm not talking to anyone. WTF? I can't go to a show and I stand by myself without people thinking there's something wrong with me? Well, you know, there is something wrong with me, I FUCKING HATE ALL OF YOU. Yeah, and it's the fucking truth. Each day that goes by I think I hate people more and more, and I seriously don't think this is ever going to change. It's pretty fucking sad, too.
Pessimism: A good example of pessimism is the whole goddamn entry. I think if you could sum me up in one word, it's "pessimistic". I am the complete epitome of it. The way I look at it is if you expect the worst, when the worst happens it's not a surprise; it's no big deal. I've been dealing with rejection and disappointment for so long, not only does it not phase me anymore, but in the few instances when things actually do good well, I don't know how to deal with it. Sort of like when an overtly-optimistic person deals with disappointment for the first time. It sort of reminds me of high school, when all the goody-goody AP faggots received bad grades, they couldn't deal with. Which is why many of them committed suicide, or got knocked up, or turned to a life of crime. Meanwhile, when I received the same grade, it was nothing new. I went on with life. And I when I run into those people somewhere and see how shitty their lives ended up, I can't help but smile. You know, maybe this isn't so bad after all...
Relationships: One of the things I really hate the most about myself. My inability to have a relationship. I think it's truly sad that I've never had a girlfriend. In fact, I've never even gone as far as to date someone. I just can't do it. I get bored so - fucking - easily. As soon as I start liking someone, something inside of me just flips that switch back to off, and I move on. This has been my life in a nutshell. In other cases, like I've mentioned before, I find some minor flaw in a girl, and I run with it. Like I make excuses for myself to give up. It's fucking horrible. I even wonder sometimes if I did manage to find a girl whom held my attention for more than a week if I could even be faithful to her. I just feel so incapable of commitment. I'm deathly afraid of it. And it's so strange too, because I would really love a family one day. But each day that goes by I see that vision fading and fading. Maybe I just haven't found the right girl. Perhaps that's all it really takes. One girl to make you feel like you've been drinking Jack 'n Coke all morning. One girl to change the whole way you perceive things. I'm really hoping that's the case.
Sadism: As much as certain things in my past point to me having more masochistic tendencies than anything else, I can't help but feel extremely sadistic. But not sadistic in the traditional sense of inflicting pain on others. More like just seeing others suffer. Nothing gets me off more. Seriously. Like I've said before, when couples break up, I can't help but feel so..so..fucking good. It brings me such joy. Often I read girls entries and they babble on about how they love their boyfriend so much and blah, blah, blah, they're going to be together "forever", and then I read another entry about how they broke up. Oh man. Nothing is sweeter than that. I sometimes even think about posting a comment to tell them how happy their misery has made me.
I hate other people being happy. If I'm not, nobody should be. Which is why it's so refreshing to see people feel like shit. It's like, "yeah, now you know how I feel all the time, motherfuckers." If everyone was depressed, the world would be a bit more enjoyable.
Scars: To some extent, I hate my body. I'm not unhappy with being tall and being skinny. After all, some of the most attractive men are tall and skinny: David Bowie, Mick Jagger, Tommy Lee, Steven Tyler, etc. I would definitely not like being short. Like I've said a million times before, short guys no respect. Regardless of penis size. I also would definitely not like being fat in any shape or form. Even average is no good. I like looking like a heroin addict.
What I do not like is how many scars my body has accumulated. This is all thanks to my ridiculous obsession with wrestling in middle school. I should seriously be a poster child for NOT letting children watch wrestling. Fake or not, it's a bad fucking influence. At the height of the backyard wrestling craze: I broke my wrist twice, shattered my collarbone, dislocated my jaw, sprained my ankles countless times, endured numerous concussions, lost pints upon pints of blood - gallons even, and probably worst of all, received several rows of deep gashes on my back thanks to barbed wire. Seriously, it looks like somebody whipped me...several hundred times.
And throughout all of this, I never bothered to once think about how it might affect my future. If there's one thing I regret the most, it's definitely that.
Self-absorbed: I hate how selfish I am. I really do. I hate caring only about myself. But it's so hard to care about other people when they're so full of shit. I also hate how careless I am with people's feelings. Like I don't even contemplate how my actions are going to affect other people. I guess I don't realize that not everyone is me, and not everyone isn't easily offended. I'm just now starting to comprehend this whole "words do hurt" theory. Yeah, I'm an asshole, but seriously, who isn't?