MY WEEKEND SUCKED ASS HOW BOUT YOURS?!
Okay as you read above my weekend sucked.. I went to bear lake.. k.. the 1st night we got there at like 9 o'clock.. and we had to camp out in this backyard thing.. with molch (cow manuer (can't spell)aka fertilizer) I'm used to the smell so it really didn't bother me.. what bothered me was that we were no where near the lake.. and that everyone there had a "better half" sides me.. I was so fucking lonely it wasn't fucking funny.. everyone was kissing and huging and "I love you"ing it wasn't fun.. I cried myself silently to sleep both nights we were camping I had to share a tent with Kara and Jimmy and they were cuddling all night.. I wished so bad Laura was there.. I wanted to hold her again and tell her that I love her again.. but she wasn't there.. and I couldn't tell her those things.. I find out that she thought we were trying to work on things.. to try and get back together.. no one told me that.. then her friend told me I should move on.. figuring Laura had told her she was done with me.. so I told Laura I was going to take her advice and move on.. I can't move on.. and frankly I don't think I want to.. I miss her so much its not funny. I told her I wanted her to call me while I was gone.. and she never did.. I wanted to talk to her about things.. and I wanted to hear her voice again so0o0o bad.. but she didn't call...**cries** I just wish I could die.. so bad do I wish I could die.. I'm so tired ending up heart broken its not funny.. On top of missing Laura and wishing she was there.. I fell asleep on the lake... and NO ONE had the fucking brains to wake me up or put a towel over me.. I'm so fucking sunburt its not funny.. I fell on my tummie in my shorts and a tank top so my legs are burnt to a crisp it hurts to walk sit stand and even lay down.. even the crease where my leg bends is burnt.. nothing helps it.. I put aloe vera on it.. and it just felt like it made it worse.. then we went back to the lake today and I think I got burnt more.. even tho I fucking reaplied sun block like five fucking times while I was there and we weren't there for very long today.. I hate going out into the sun.. no matter how many times I put sun block on no matter the fucking SPF I still end up being fried.. I hate being so fare skinned.. I don't think I ever want to go camping again.. and too think I want to go to an outdoor rave..psh.. I'm fucking dumb or something.. but I don't even know if I want to go.. I'll feel so alone.. even tho Kara and Candice said that everyone is so huggie and touchy.. it wont be the same.. it wont be Laura.. **cries** I wish she was online tonight so I could talk to her.. but she probably deleted me and put me on ignore.. **sigh** if I wasn't so sunburnt I'd prolly cut again tonight.. but I am so I can't.. I'm tired of ppl getting mad at me.. so I'm not going to show or tell anyone when I do it.. I'll talk about doing it on here.. but no one will know for sure.. I'm so tired yet I'm so hungry.. so I'm waiting on my mom to bring me food since I haven't eaten anything today.. I think I might have snacked on a few white chedder cheez-its but they made me sick so I stopped eating them. I feel so dirty and I so bad want to take a shower but it will burn so bad.. I don't want to. I just wish for once things would go my way.. but they never seem to do.. and when I think they finally are.. they do fucking back flips and end up being not so. I'm tired of being a fucking welcome matt to everyone.. I'm tired of everyone fucking walking all over me. I'm tired of being used and I'm tired of being heartbroken and always missing the person who broke my heart no matter how bad they hurt me.. I still seem to end up missing them. Ehh I'm done writing.. I'll just end up repeating myself.. and thats dumb.