WeEeEeEeEeEeEeEeEeEeEeEe
Okay so this weekend was a fucking blast!! Laura was here which made it even more GREAT!! even tho I was with her til wednesday morning last week.. I missed her A LOT! Her birthday is coming up tho.. and I have NO IDEA on what to get her.. I guess I'm just going to have to wing it.. unless I can get someone to give me some idea's.. but I don't really know who to ask.. I want to do something HUGE for her.. something she'll never forget. But I'm not one on making plans.. usually things happen spontainously (I so mutilated that word!) Like what happened with this weekend.. we were just going to chill with Alecia and Kayla for awhile then have movie night with Christian and his girl Devan.. but then he brought one extra person and then Kara called me and I had her and Jimmy come over.. we all drank and went to coffe break.. it was hella fun and I loved it.. hanging out with a bunch of my friends and letting them get to know Laura.. and from what I'm getting from Christian he really likes her.. which is good b/c b4 from what he got from me he didn't like her.. so I had to explain to him the whole story all over again :P so he could understand and not dislike her b/c of that.. so I'm glad he likes her.. he's always sayin shes a keeper... hes very true she is.. and I'm hoping I get to keep her for a LONG time.. she is something that shouldn't be lost. and I'm afraid I'll end up losing her.. since I've lost a lot of ppl in my past.. but I'm hoping it will all change with her. But on bad notes.. my mom is beginning to do her old shit.. go out late at night and come home in the early morning hours.. I've hardly seen her this week.. and its bothering me.. hardcore! I really wish she wasn't into that shit.. its going to kill her.. and its killing me.. I don't know what I would do without my mom.. prolly go down the same road shes going down right now.. and thats not good.. not good at all.. I really wish I had someone to talk to about it.. but no one understands.. even if they have gone thru what I'm going thru.. they just don't completely understand.. sometimes I try to talk to Laura about it.. but I'm weird and its really hard for me to just up and talk to her about this stuff.. I guess I'm afraid I'll scare her away.. or get mad at her for trying to understand and me thinking shes not understanding.. I've done that to ppl.. and thats not a good thing.. I lose my temper too much.. like last night.. Laura and I was talking.. and she mentioned shes going to a party tonight.. with all of her friends.. and they are a touchy feely group and I don't have trust for ppl much. I've had too many ppl cheat on me at partys because they were drinking and one thing lead to another.. and :( I can't handle that.. its a big no no in my book for my gf to go to a drinking party without me.. I'm afraid she is going to go without me anyways.. and thats not going to be good.. b/c if it was anyone else I'd leave them so fucking fast.. but with her.. its hard.. very hard.. and I don't want to lose her to something so fucking ridiculous.. I just wish I could trust ppl more.. but its so fucking hard.. so many ppl have said the same thing to me "I'm not going to be like the others.. I'm not like the others" and they end up being just like the others.. cheating on me.. lying to me.. and I can't take that anymore.. I just hope.. Laura wont be like the others she tells me shes not like them and that she wouldn't cheat.. I do believe her on that.. except when alcohol comes into the picture.. with that... I don't trust ANYONE.. I have too many alcoholics in my fam.. so many of them have lied to me.. and so.. I don't trust anyone when it comes to drinking. Especially to what happened to me the last time I went out to a chat party.. I'm lesbian.. EVERYONE at the party knew it.. but yet.. some stupid fuck head guy tried to do shit with me.. and then Chat likes to spread rumors around and well.. they all thought I fucked a guy.. talk about nastyness **gags** Never again will I go to that kind of a party when I only know ONE person there.. I'll go to my gf's friends party's but I will be sticking to her like glue.. but then again I'm also beginning to think I wont be attending any of those.. this is hard for me.. really hard.. Laura and I are so different.. yet so much alike.. I like it.. yet I don't.. I do love her.. I really do.. and a lot.. maybe even too much. So all this stuff.. is new to me.. usually I pick out loners to date.. so I don't have to worry about those kinds of things.. but I was oddly attracted to her.. and at the time I was oddly attracted to her. I only knew her online.. and for like.. maybe a week.. and that oddly attraction grew.. and to this day is still growing.. **sigh** I'm so fucking scared that I'm going to yet again lose something good.. since thats all I seem to be good at.. is losing things. Oi Vey! whoa.. I think I've wrote a lil too much.. so I think I am done. Maybe I'll write more later.