"And now I stand here alone in the dark, without you" (its from a song.. but how I feel ATM
Well here I am.. feeling so fucking weak its not funny.. I went to this urgent care place.. in south jordan.. (its very fucking hidden mind you) and I had no infections in my pee my blood pressure was out of wack.. so they said I was very dehydrated.. so they stuck an IV in me and put some fluids in me.. they also gave me an anti nausea medicine and that made me so tired that I ended up going to sleep at 10pm.. I woke up at 2am.. and its now 3:03am I trying to get some gatorade down me so I don't feel so weak but I can only take so much at a time.. I seriously feel like I've been anerexic for years... thats how weak I feel. I miss Laura a lot.. and it gets worse everyday.. she says she'll see me soon.. but next friday.. isn't soon.. **sigh** I want to see her now.. today.. :( but I can't... just my luck.. want all these things.. things that I can never have.. well here's a song.. since I have writers block.. I'm going to post this song that I've been listening to a lot.. and then maybe I'll post one that makes me think of Laura..
If only I had one more chance to change my life today,
Then I would never let you go.
All my friends keep telling me,
That I should leave you for a while.
So you must show your love to me,
And tell me what you feel.
I thought that even you,
had feelings for me too.
I know I was wrong.
And baby when you'd care,
Then I will be there,
By your side.
And now I stand here alone in the dark,
Without you.
There's nothing more that I would like,
Than be with you.
I close my eyes but I can't stop,
Thinking of you.
And now I stand here alone in the dark,
Without you.
All my friends keep telling me,
That I should leave you for a while.
So you must show your love to me,
And tell me what you feel.
I thought that even you,
Had feelings for me too,
I know I was wrong.
And baby when you'd care,
Then I will be there,
By your side.
And now I stand here alone in the dark,
Without you.
There's nothing more that I would like,
Than be with you.
I closed my eyes but I can't stop,
Thinking of you.
And now I stand here alone in the dark,
Without you
Thats kind of how I feel right now.. that I'm all alone in the dark.. with no one to hold me.. no one to baby me while I'm sick.. and no one to make sure I'm okay when I have a bad dream (which lately.. I've been having bad dreams everynight and the one I get.. is the worse of the two... my rape dreams) **sigh** I wish they'd go away. I'm so emotionally fucked up right now.. I just want to be held and somehow.. know I'm loved.. because I don't feel loved at all at this moment in time.. I feel hated.. by everything and everyone.. they can tell me thousands of times.. but its not going to change how I feel.. I need to be shown I'm loved.. not told.. I guess I'm one of those people who learn by "touch and feel" or something.. I don't know.. okay.. enough of my ranting and raving I'm goin to bed now I'll write more laters..
oh P.S the song that reminds me of my baby is....Well theres 2 the 1st one is Konstantine by something coperate and then Take my breath away by Jessica simpson.. also another one by her is Angels her remake of Robbie williams song loving angels instead.. I don't really know why that one makes me think of her so much.. but it does.. I miss her a lot.. sometimes it seems that its too much to bare. anyways.. I'm going to bed now.. ni ni.
If only I had one more chance to change my life today,
Then I would never let you go.
All my friends keep telling me,
That I should leave you for a while.
So you must show your love to me,
And tell me what you feel.
I thought that even you,
had feelings for me too.
I know I was wrong.
And baby when you'd care,
Then I will be there,
By your side.
And now I stand here alone in the dark,
Without you.
There's nothing more that I would like,
Than be with you.
I close my eyes but I can't stop,
Thinking of you.
And now I stand here alone in the dark,
Without you.
All my friends keep telling me,
That I should leave you for a while.
So you must show your love to me,
And tell me what you feel.
I thought that even you,
Had feelings for me too,
I know I was wrong.
And baby when you'd care,
Then I will be there,
By your side.
And now I stand here alone in the dark,
Without you.
There's nothing more that I would like,
Than be with you.
I closed my eyes but I can't stop,
Thinking of you.
And now I stand here alone in the dark,
Without you
Thats kind of how I feel right now.. that I'm all alone in the dark.. with no one to hold me.. no one to baby me while I'm sick.. and no one to make sure I'm okay when I have a bad dream (which lately.. I've been having bad dreams everynight and the one I get.. is the worse of the two... my rape dreams) **sigh** I wish they'd go away. I'm so emotionally fucked up right now.. I just want to be held and somehow.. know I'm loved.. because I don't feel loved at all at this moment in time.. I feel hated.. by everything and everyone.. they can tell me thousands of times.. but its not going to change how I feel.. I need to be shown I'm loved.. not told.. I guess I'm one of those people who learn by "touch and feel" or something.. I don't know.. okay.. enough of my ranting and raving I'm goin to bed now I'll write more laters..
oh P.S the song that reminds me of my baby is....Well theres 2 the 1st one is Konstantine by something coperate and then Take my breath away by Jessica simpson.. also another one by her is Angels her remake of Robbie williams song loving angels instead.. I don't really know why that one makes me think of her so much.. but it does.. I miss her a lot.. sometimes it seems that its too much to bare. anyways.. I'm going to bed now.. ni ni.