*incoherent rambling*
GODDAMN YOU KAGESEME!!
"Oi, Yoruichi-san. Why did you take on a cat form here in the human world?"
"Oh? You sure you want to hear this, Ichigo? It's not for virgin ears~."
"I'm 16* damnit! I've already gotten that talk at school and from my dad!" Ichigo tries to suppress the shudder from that memory.
Yoruichi considers, "We~ll, sure why not! Your expressions are always priceless!"
"Shut up!" Ichigo is not amused. "Between you and the Geta-boushi*... That's another thing! What the hell's up with that stupid hat? I swear he wears that thing everywhere... Now stop messing around and tell me already!"
"Ok, ok. Settle down 'fore you give yourself an aneurism or something. 'sides! It's the same story anyway!"
"Huh?" Ichigo isn't sure he still wants to know anything about this.
"Okay, ya know we left Seireitei 200 years ago, right? Back then, there weren't any hysterectomies and stuff for people. But animals got spayed* so I chose a cat!"
"...you turned into a cat so you could have your... equipment... removed? WTF?!"
"Oi, oi! I ain't done yet! This is when you learn about Kisuke's hat!"
"..." Ichigo has a bad feeling. Like the kind of feeling he gets right before Isshin does something in public...
"Ya see, Kisuke didn't really get exiled because he made that untrackable gigai, that was just the official excuse. He really was kicked out because of his 'pregnant look'."
"His WHAT?"
"His 'pregnant look'! A simple look in the eye would cause any female shinigami to become pregnant!"
Ichigo suddenly has the mental image of a Urahara-godzilla shooting beams from its eyes that cause any who got hit to become pregnant. Ichigo's brain now looks like pudding.
"So first thing he did when he got here was get that hat so nobody could ever look him in the eyes!"
"But, then, why did you-"
"Like I was going to take the chance the hat would fall off? A woman can only have so many abortions."
----
Unbetaed crackfic that entered my brain at work. Still your fault, Kageseme...
*Ichigo IS 16 by the time the Soul Society arc is done. Shinigami powers in May, Birthday July 15, end of SS arc puts them back in school at around August. So there.
*Geta-boushi means something along the lines of 'sandal-hat'. Ichigo's little nickname for Urahara.
*My world. This is crackfic, so who cares?
"Oi, Yoruichi-san. Why did you take on a cat form here in the human world?"
"Oh? You sure you want to hear this, Ichigo? It's not for virgin ears~."
"I'm 16* damnit! I've already gotten that talk at school and from my dad!" Ichigo tries to suppress the shudder from that memory.
Yoruichi considers, "We~ll, sure why not! Your expressions are always priceless!"
"Shut up!" Ichigo is not amused. "Between you and the Geta-boushi*... That's another thing! What the hell's up with that stupid hat? I swear he wears that thing everywhere... Now stop messing around and tell me already!"
"Ok, ok. Settle down 'fore you give yourself an aneurism or something. 'sides! It's the same story anyway!"
"Huh?" Ichigo isn't sure he still wants to know anything about this.
"Okay, ya know we left Seireitei 200 years ago, right? Back then, there weren't any hysterectomies and stuff for people. But animals got spayed* so I chose a cat!"
"...you turned into a cat so you could have your... equipment... removed? WTF?!"
"Oi, oi! I ain't done yet! This is when you learn about Kisuke's hat!"
"..." Ichigo has a bad feeling. Like the kind of feeling he gets right before Isshin does something in public...
"Ya see, Kisuke didn't really get exiled because he made that untrackable gigai, that was just the official excuse. He really was kicked out because of his 'pregnant look'."
"His WHAT?"
"His 'pregnant look'! A simple look in the eye would cause any female shinigami to become pregnant!"
Ichigo suddenly has the mental image of a Urahara-godzilla shooting beams from its eyes that cause any who got hit to become pregnant. Ichigo's brain now looks like pudding.
"So first thing he did when he got here was get that hat so nobody could ever look him in the eyes!"
"But, then, why did you-"
"Like I was going to take the chance the hat would fall off? A woman can only have so many abortions."
----
Unbetaed crackfic that entered my brain at work. Still your fault, Kageseme...
*Ichigo IS 16 by the time the Soul Society arc is done. Shinigami powers in May, Birthday July 15, end of SS arc puts them back in school at around August. So there.
*Geta-boushi means something along the lines of 'sandal-hat'. Ichigo's little nickname for Urahara.
*My world. This is crackfic, so who cares?