(no subject)
class went great!! so different than what i expected. i have new teachers for everything. oh its so much better like this. like, i was kinda nervous to go. because i look kinda freaky and stuff. so anyway, the first hour we had dutch in B31 (aaalllll the way up the stairs) so i went in the classroom and i asked this girl like: This is H3a, right? she was like: yeah, hey, you're marloes right? i'm *name here, but i forgot* so like i sat down somewhere alone and this one girl (i forgot her name too) just sat next to me. she didnt want me to feel lonely, heh. For the rest i don't have like my own seat so i always sit somewhere different. my geography teacher was really nice to me and we talked during the break. he asked me why did you change class? and i just said: They were too..loud. and then he said: no that wasn't the reason.. you're not looking at me anymore. you're a bad liar haha. i was like: err.. so i told him some people liked to mess with me and steal my things and stuff. so then he said if you ever want to talk i'm here for you and i will support you. wow. my other geography teacher would've rather see me go away, far away! hmm so i ran into my old mentor (it says the same inthe dictionary.. i still don't think it's the word i mean.. oh well) and he said: HEY! you're smiling! i was like :) yeah because he never saw me smile in school. ever. i just wasnt happy there. and mr tieman was kinda scared that i left the class because of him. but that's soo not the reason. and none of my old classmates knew that i was gonna go to a different clas hahaha! so when i was at the lockers trying to get mine closed (it won't close!! argh!) claudia came to me and said: Where do we have sports now? So i got like this really weird freaky grin on my face lol. I said: you have sports in B02 now. so she's like: oh you're not coming again huh? i said: no, i wont ever come to that class again. so she got like confused hehe. so i started laughing and said: i changed class! :D so she's like ahh that's so great for you! i hope you will be happier there! then YASSIN came to me and said: what? you changed class? i kinda don't like him (read:hate him, he was the one that did things to me that really hurt, anyway..) i said: ..yeh.. so he just nodded (??) he is trying to make me act normal to him again, sometimes he comes up to me and says something to me like he's interested or something. well.. too late.. it's sooo funny how my class reacted. no one knew. i wish i would have been there to see their faces. heehee. no actually i wouldnt want to be there. everytime i see them i get this warm feeling in my stomach, kind of like being in love but then its anger that i feel. real.. deep. and i get this feeling, and thoughts, that i want to hurt them so badly. real, real badly. especially yassin. i HATE him. sometimes i say i hate someone but that's just something i say out of anger. but him.. i hate him so much. the things he said..
well, anyway, when i got out of class i ran into clarine and she wanted to talk to me. she she wals next to me ad then she puts her arm around me! i was uncomfortable with that. i dont like it when just someone touches me. so she noticed that and put her arm back and we just talked. she said that she hopes ill be happy now, and that i should just ignore them all. i told her that it's too easy to say ignore. if you're with someone in the same room 5 days a week, 7 hours a day, its impossible to ignore them. she said: i know, i'm sorry, but i feel sorry for you and what you're going through. and she said.. some stuff about me hurting myself. i told her to quit smoking. heh. then i went home.
oh yes i had some friends but theyre angry at me now because 'i should have told them that was changing class'. i wouldnt tell them anyway. especially linda is angry at me. because we were in the same class (h3c) and i sat next to her. i dont care. i dont need them..
and yesterday i talked with steven. im happy he's back, i missed him a lot. i love my babyboy so much. i want him to come over, real real badly. i would give up everything. i just want him to be here with me. i cant wait. i want him.. now..
i love you dear, take care. and get onliiiiiine!!! please..
well, anyway, when i got out of class i ran into clarine and she wanted to talk to me. she she wals next to me ad then she puts her arm around me! i was uncomfortable with that. i dont like it when just someone touches me. so she noticed that and put her arm back and we just talked. she said that she hopes ill be happy now, and that i should just ignore them all. i told her that it's too easy to say ignore. if you're with someone in the same room 5 days a week, 7 hours a day, its impossible to ignore them. she said: i know, i'm sorry, but i feel sorry for you and what you're going through. and she said.. some stuff about me hurting myself. i told her to quit smoking. heh. then i went home.
oh yes i had some friends but theyre angry at me now because 'i should have told them that was changing class'. i wouldnt tell them anyway. especially linda is angry at me. because we were in the same class (h3c) and i sat next to her. i dont care. i dont need them..
and yesterday i talked with steven. im happy he's back, i missed him a lot. i love my babyboy so much. i want him to come over, real real badly. i would give up everything. i just want him to be here with me. i cant wait. i want him.. now..
i love you dear, take care. and get onliiiiiine!!! please..