Thoughts from Debbie....OK, its a Bitch Session......
I got up out of a dead sleep at 4:20 this morning, and I can't go back to sleep. I've been thinking about alot of things, and it is keeping me up. Is it stress? Anxiety? Who knows. For example, I was overdrawn on the bank account again on Friday. The house payment is coming out on automatic withdraw tomorrow (Monday) and in the following days, the cell bills come out, the insurance payment, and something else that I can't remember comes out too. I need to get groceries for the girls lunches, (they start back to school on Tuesday), I'm a month behind on the car payment, I need to go see the dentist, (my wisdom tooth is coming in, and it is KILLING me) and I need to go see the eye doctor, (I can't see far away, and half the time right in front of my face). I told Rob a little while back I think it would be cheaper for us to get a divorce. That way I can get food stamps and state aid. They will see how much I make and prolly give me quite a bit! But then I think about our marriage vows and realize that isn't a rational idea. We love each other (somedays more then others) and we will get through this together. All I need is about 20 grand - pay off the car, pay off his student loan, (for the school that can't get him a decent job), money to remodel the bathroom and buy new carpeting, and still have some left over to save for a down payment on another house. Bryn at work told me something that I just may do tonight at midnight - have a dollar coin in your hand at the stroke of midnight and you will have a prosperus (?) New Year. On top of that, I am making Hoppin John (black eyed peas cooked in smoked turkey stock) and creamed cabbage for New Years day. That is an old southern tradition - If you eat hoppin John on New Year's day, it is said to bring a prosperus (again - ?) New Year. If you eat cabbage with it, it is doubly so. So I dug out Chef Dan's recipe for creamed cabbage and I'm going to make that a little later today, along with finishing up the Hoppin John. I know Michigan is having a rough time economically, but I can't deal with worrying about if we have enough money to buy groceries for the week and still have enough in the checking account to make the car note. My mom and dad (who, yes, is doing ALOT better, thanks for asking), are leaving on the 9th to go down to Texas for about a month. If the other job I have commited to starts in that time, I am SCREWED. My mom has been watching the girls, picking them up from school, etc. while Rob and I are working. I can't depend on his mom to do that, she won't know where to go even if I did show her. Just another worry of mine. I'm still waiting to win the Michigan Lottery so I can open my own Bakery and Brunch Cafe. I guess it would help if I played the lottery once in awhile, huh? *laughs* Let's narrow how much money I need down to a dollar amount: $300 grand for the building, $500 grand for all the equipment I want to get to put INTO said building, another $300 grand to remodel the inside and about $100 grand for start up food and supplies, and about $2 grand for promotional things - flyers, advertising, etc. Let's see, my grand total is - about what? Two million or so? Hey, its my dream, and I'm working on it coming true. I hope I get my W2 from Wildflours. I know they don't want to deal with me again. Rob brought that up at dinner last night, and I was thinking about it, just never said anything to him about it. He said something that made me laugh out loud. "Who knows, they're prolly closed by now considering they lost the only person who knew what they were doing, or at least knew how to cook AND bake things." That made my night, that comment right there.........