Life - or something like it
Well, my defenses finally took a vacation and I started to process last weeks events on Friday.
Translated into English... that means I found myself wandering the city on my day off, hanging out with my mom, yelling and screaming about things that didn't ususally matter at all, and crying uncontrollably while I was in stores. Needless to say, I called out of work for the weekend.
I am doing slighly better now, just finally started to cry about the whole thing. God it sucks. I have such a hard time letting myself be human, it's scary sometimes that I don't crack sooner. The only thing is, that I've been giving myself permission to go through this since it happened (getting hit that is) and at least it happened after a week and not after a month.
The toughest thing I think is that my body is healing pretty quickly and I expect my soul to be moving as fast... but it's actually in reverse. As fast as my body heals, my defenses melt away at a similar rate... so as I begin to feel all the soul pain, the physical evidence of its cause is practically gone. Go figure.
It's 2:30 ish in the am now... and I"m having a shitty time going to sleep (I vowed a long time ago never to cry myself to sleep... and it's been pretty good advice.)
I was so exhausted saturday night that I went to bed around 5pm and didn't get up until 9am on Sunday, so I"m not too worried i'm not going to bed yet.
Little bit by little bit, I'm doing a bit better every day, but I think I may have a bumpy road for a little while as I have to work at settling in again at work.
Translated into English... that means I found myself wandering the city on my day off, hanging out with my mom, yelling and screaming about things that didn't ususally matter at all, and crying uncontrollably while I was in stores. Needless to say, I called out of work for the weekend.
I am doing slighly better now, just finally started to cry about the whole thing. God it sucks. I have such a hard time letting myself be human, it's scary sometimes that I don't crack sooner. The only thing is, that I've been giving myself permission to go through this since it happened (getting hit that is) and at least it happened after a week and not after a month.
The toughest thing I think is that my body is healing pretty quickly and I expect my soul to be moving as fast... but it's actually in reverse. As fast as my body heals, my defenses melt away at a similar rate... so as I begin to feel all the soul pain, the physical evidence of its cause is practically gone. Go figure.
It's 2:30 ish in the am now... and I"m having a shitty time going to sleep (I vowed a long time ago never to cry myself to sleep... and it's been pretty good advice.)
I was so exhausted saturday night that I went to bed around 5pm and didn't get up until 9am on Sunday, so I"m not too worried i'm not going to bed yet.
Little bit by little bit, I'm doing a bit better every day, but I think I may have a bumpy road for a little while as I have to work at settling in again at work.