(no subject)
I needed to blow off some steam this morning so I started working on my Christmas fic of the year.
After I jumped the curb in front of the bonds office, I barely waited for the car to stop before slamming it into park and ripping the keys out of the ignition. The only thing stopping me from just driving it through the front window of the office was the fact that it was one of Ranger’s cars, and I soo didn’t want to trash this one. Still haven’t heard the end of the cement truck vs. Porsche 911 incident. I threw my door open and let the door take a small chunk out of the SUV parked next to me. Bastard shouldn’t have parked that close to me.
The latent anger from the cement truck just helped my mood grow fouler. I tore open the front door and stormed back to Vinnie’s office. That fuckin weasel has done it this time. I barely heard Connie and Lula’s greetings and the worried questions. Vinnie’s door was closed, so I figured this was a great chance to practice kicking in some doors. Not breaking stride, I planted my work boot right to the left of the knob and kicked with all my might. The door flew open in a fit of flying wood pieces and saw Vinnie jump to his feet.
As soon as Vinnie realized that it was a very pissed off Hungarian/Italian woman instead of and irate Italian mobster, he stopped grabbing blindly for his gun and started yelling instead.
“Are you out of your friggin’ mind Stephanie?!? Don’t think that this door isn’t coming out of your pay! What the fuck are you thinking?!?”
“It’s the first vacation I’d have had in years. It’s the first time ever that the whole family was going on vacation. This was the first time I was going to spend Christmas cooking my skin like a turkey instead of freezing my ass off in Trenton eating dry turkey, but don’t you dare tell my mother that or so help me God, I will put a contract out on you myself. It was going to be a very nice Christmas away from Trenton and all the shit here, but noooo. Someone’s pissed off that he wasn’t invited so of course Stephanie can’t go. Instead she has to stay here and drag dumbasses back to prison because someone -“ I grabbed my finger into his chest,” -is such a chicken dick that he can’t do it himself, and if he’s going to be miserable here in Trenton, then Goddamn it, everyone else is going to be too! You are such a Goddamn Scrooge that I wish I was dead just so I could come and haunt you. And don’t think that I would be that sweet little girl that showed you the joy of your past, no, I’d be the hateful bitch that showed you how happy everyone was when you were gone!” I paused in my tirade long enough to catch my breath and glare at Vinnie.
I was imagining what Vinnie’s head would look like dancing on a stick when, “Babe”. I turned to my left and saw Ranger sitting in one of the chairs in front of the desk.
“Not now, Bat Boy, I’m not done killing Vinnie yet.” I turned my attention back to Vinnie and saw him discretely trying to dial his cell phone. I grabbed it out of his hand and checked the number being dialed. 555-891_. The little punk was calling the cops on me! Well, it was either the Trenton Police or Sunset Dry Cleaning, and I don’t think he was worried about picking up his shirts before his funeral. I dropped the phone and stomped on it. There was no satisfying crunch, so I jumped on it. Nothing. My anger was mounting again. How many phones have I trashed just sitting on them, and this piece of crap won’t break. I pulled the Smith and Wesson that I had tucked in the pocket of my hooded sweatshirt out and shot the thing. Finally, it jumped satisfyingly and exploded into little bits of plastic.
“HOLY SHIT!” Vinnie screeched. “What is your fuckin issue?!?”
Feeling a bit calmer after shooting something, I handed my gun to Ranger and dropped into the chair next to him. “Hold onto that in case Vinnie shoots his mouth off again. He’s wearing a vest but I’m tempted to aim low right now.” Vinnie’s hands shot to his groin, and Ranger appraised him thoughtfully.
“He is wearing a vest. He must have lost weight for the vest to fit that well.” I nodded and started checking my manicure. I tore a nail trying to get the keys out of the ignition. Shit, another thing to be mad a Vinnie about. Ranger tried again, “Babe?”
“Grandma Mazer won the lotto.”
Ranger’s eyebrow twitched a bit in question.
“She decided that she wanted to spend Christmas in the Caribbean, so she bought the whole family tickets. Mom, Dad, Val, Kloughn, the three kids and me. Course she also wanted this to be a surprise so she called duck dick here,” I waved my hand in his direction, “and asked if I could have a week off. Vile asks why, and is pissed that he wasn’t invited. His exact words were, “if Kloughn boy gets to go, then I want to go too”. Ranger looked at Vinnie, and Vinnie nodded slightly confirming that he had said that.
“Grandma told him that she’d had to grease some hands to get nine tickets for a Christmas Eve flight to St. Bart’s, and she didn’t think that she would be able to find another seat. Besides, this was just for the Plum household.” I scoffed quietly. “Then she said that she didn’t think the local bird life would enjoy his for of entertainment so he should stick with ducks and geese around here.”
Ranger shot a disgusted look at Vinnie, who was muttering under his breath, “Stupid ole bat. They are all gone for the winter.”
I continued. “So, Vomit told her that the bounty hunting profession was much to busy during the holidays so I needed to stick around and work.” I picked up a pile of rubber bands sitting on the edge of his desk and started shooting them at him.
“Hey!” Vinnie yelled as one sailed past his ear. “You could always quit and make both of our lives a little easier.”
I stopped teasing him and landed a rubber band right between his eyes. “I would but that would make too many people too happy. I like making my own schedule, wearing what I want to work, not to mention pissing you and my mother off. So, instead, I told my family to go without me. The tickets were non-refundable and the hotel reservations were already confirmed.” I shot another one, catching him as he was opening his mouth to speak. As he was choking on the little piece of rubber, I continued. “My mother,” I explained through clenched teeth, “didn’t want me spending Christmas alone, so she told Grandma Bella and Angie Morelli that I was going to be here all alone for Christmas, so they invited me for Christmas dinner.” I used a rubber band to help launch a thumb tack at Vinnie. Both he and Ranger looked a little impressed as it stuck in the bulletproof vest. “So now, instead of spending Christmas with my family on the beach, I’m stuck here in Trenton with the Morelli family Christmas party.”
Quiet spread through the office. You could hear the clock ticking out in the main office. Not remembering for a moment that there wasn’t a door separating the two anymore, I glanced around the door jam to see Connie and Lula dashing back to their seats. I noticed the speakerphone light was lit on the phone, and could just imagine who was listening. The whole Burg was probably on a conference call, and who knows for how long.
I was finally feeling a little better. “I’m leaving. I’m taking the rest of the day of, but just to piss you off; I’ll be back in tomorrow. And the day after, and Christmas Eve eve, and Christmas Eve. And Goddamn, I’m taking Christmas off cause I have to deal with Morelli men liquored up on Eggnog and homemade peppermint Schnapps and Morelli women asking when I am going to settle down with little Joey even though we haven’t been romantically involved for the past four months. Of course, since it’s so busy, I’ll be back to work the day after and be sure to bring each bailee in here so you can see how hard I am working and have you personally cut me checks on them because if it’s so busy, you’ll be here working. And if you aren’t, then I’ll just write the checks out to myself, making sure I give myself one hell of a Christmas bonus.” I shot the remaining rubber band at his nose and left.
And this was snitched from kentuckybelle
You scored as Monica. The neat freak who would do anything for her friends. You're Monica, not always that popular but everyone loves you now.
Monica
95%
Rachel
80%
Phoebe
75%
Chandler
40%
Joey
40%
Ross
35%
Which Friend are you?
created with QuizFarm.com
After I jumped the curb in front of the bonds office, I barely waited for the car to stop before slamming it into park and ripping the keys out of the ignition. The only thing stopping me from just driving it through the front window of the office was the fact that it was one of Ranger’s cars, and I soo didn’t want to trash this one. Still haven’t heard the end of the cement truck vs. Porsche 911 incident. I threw my door open and let the door take a small chunk out of the SUV parked next to me. Bastard shouldn’t have parked that close to me.
The latent anger from the cement truck just helped my mood grow fouler. I tore open the front door and stormed back to Vinnie’s office. That fuckin weasel has done it this time. I barely heard Connie and Lula’s greetings and the worried questions. Vinnie’s door was closed, so I figured this was a great chance to practice kicking in some doors. Not breaking stride, I planted my work boot right to the left of the knob and kicked with all my might. The door flew open in a fit of flying wood pieces and saw Vinnie jump to his feet.
As soon as Vinnie realized that it was a very pissed off Hungarian/Italian woman instead of and irate Italian mobster, he stopped grabbing blindly for his gun and started yelling instead.
“Are you out of your friggin’ mind Stephanie?!? Don’t think that this door isn’t coming out of your pay! What the fuck are you thinking?!?”
“It’s the first vacation I’d have had in years. It’s the first time ever that the whole family was going on vacation. This was the first time I was going to spend Christmas cooking my skin like a turkey instead of freezing my ass off in Trenton eating dry turkey, but don’t you dare tell my mother that or so help me God, I will put a contract out on you myself. It was going to be a very nice Christmas away from Trenton and all the shit here, but noooo. Someone’s pissed off that he wasn’t invited so of course Stephanie can’t go. Instead she has to stay here and drag dumbasses back to prison because someone -“ I grabbed my finger into his chest,” -is such a chicken dick that he can’t do it himself, and if he’s going to be miserable here in Trenton, then Goddamn it, everyone else is going to be too! You are such a Goddamn Scrooge that I wish I was dead just so I could come and haunt you. And don’t think that I would be that sweet little girl that showed you the joy of your past, no, I’d be the hateful bitch that showed you how happy everyone was when you were gone!” I paused in my tirade long enough to catch my breath and glare at Vinnie.
I was imagining what Vinnie’s head would look like dancing on a stick when, “Babe”. I turned to my left and saw Ranger sitting in one of the chairs in front of the desk.
“Not now, Bat Boy, I’m not done killing Vinnie yet.” I turned my attention back to Vinnie and saw him discretely trying to dial his cell phone. I grabbed it out of his hand and checked the number being dialed. 555-891_. The little punk was calling the cops on me! Well, it was either the Trenton Police or Sunset Dry Cleaning, and I don’t think he was worried about picking up his shirts before his funeral. I dropped the phone and stomped on it. There was no satisfying crunch, so I jumped on it. Nothing. My anger was mounting again. How many phones have I trashed just sitting on them, and this piece of crap won’t break. I pulled the Smith and Wesson that I had tucked in the pocket of my hooded sweatshirt out and shot the thing. Finally, it jumped satisfyingly and exploded into little bits of plastic.
“HOLY SHIT!” Vinnie screeched. “What is your fuckin issue?!?”
Feeling a bit calmer after shooting something, I handed my gun to Ranger and dropped into the chair next to him. “Hold onto that in case Vinnie shoots his mouth off again. He’s wearing a vest but I’m tempted to aim low right now.” Vinnie’s hands shot to his groin, and Ranger appraised him thoughtfully.
“He is wearing a vest. He must have lost weight for the vest to fit that well.” I nodded and started checking my manicure. I tore a nail trying to get the keys out of the ignition. Shit, another thing to be mad a Vinnie about. Ranger tried again, “Babe?”
“Grandma Mazer won the lotto.”
Ranger’s eyebrow twitched a bit in question.
“She decided that she wanted to spend Christmas in the Caribbean, so she bought the whole family tickets. Mom, Dad, Val, Kloughn, the three kids and me. Course she also wanted this to be a surprise so she called duck dick here,” I waved my hand in his direction, “and asked if I could have a week off. Vile asks why, and is pissed that he wasn’t invited. His exact words were, “if Kloughn boy gets to go, then I want to go too”. Ranger looked at Vinnie, and Vinnie nodded slightly confirming that he had said that.
“Grandma told him that she’d had to grease some hands to get nine tickets for a Christmas Eve flight to St. Bart’s, and she didn’t think that she would be able to find another seat. Besides, this was just for the Plum household.” I scoffed quietly. “Then she said that she didn’t think the local bird life would enjoy his for of entertainment so he should stick with ducks and geese around here.”
Ranger shot a disgusted look at Vinnie, who was muttering under his breath, “Stupid ole bat. They are all gone for the winter.”
I continued. “So, Vomit told her that the bounty hunting profession was much to busy during the holidays so I needed to stick around and work.” I picked up a pile of rubber bands sitting on the edge of his desk and started shooting them at him.
“Hey!” Vinnie yelled as one sailed past his ear. “You could always quit and make both of our lives a little easier.”
I stopped teasing him and landed a rubber band right between his eyes. “I would but that would make too many people too happy. I like making my own schedule, wearing what I want to work, not to mention pissing you and my mother off. So, instead, I told my family to go without me. The tickets were non-refundable and the hotel reservations were already confirmed.” I shot another one, catching him as he was opening his mouth to speak. As he was choking on the little piece of rubber, I continued. “My mother,” I explained through clenched teeth, “didn’t want me spending Christmas alone, so she told Grandma Bella and Angie Morelli that I was going to be here all alone for Christmas, so they invited me for Christmas dinner.” I used a rubber band to help launch a thumb tack at Vinnie. Both he and Ranger looked a little impressed as it stuck in the bulletproof vest. “So now, instead of spending Christmas with my family on the beach, I’m stuck here in Trenton with the Morelli family Christmas party.”
Quiet spread through the office. You could hear the clock ticking out in the main office. Not remembering for a moment that there wasn’t a door separating the two anymore, I glanced around the door jam to see Connie and Lula dashing back to their seats. I noticed the speakerphone light was lit on the phone, and could just imagine who was listening. The whole Burg was probably on a conference call, and who knows for how long.
I was finally feeling a little better. “I’m leaving. I’m taking the rest of the day of, but just to piss you off; I’ll be back in tomorrow. And the day after, and Christmas Eve eve, and Christmas Eve. And Goddamn, I’m taking Christmas off cause I have to deal with Morelli men liquored up on Eggnog and homemade peppermint Schnapps and Morelli women asking when I am going to settle down with little Joey even though we haven’t been romantically involved for the past four months. Of course, since it’s so busy, I’ll be back to work the day after and be sure to bring each bailee in here so you can see how hard I am working and have you personally cut me checks on them because if it’s so busy, you’ll be here working. And if you aren’t, then I’ll just write the checks out to myself, making sure I give myself one hell of a Christmas bonus.” I shot the remaining rubber band at his nose and left.
And this was snitched from kentuckybelle
You scored as Monica. The neat freak who would do anything for her friends. You're Monica, not always that popular but everyone loves you now.
Monica
95%
Rachel
80%
Phoebe
75%
Chandler
40%
Joey
40%
Ross
35%
Which Friend are you?
created with QuizFarm.com