(no subject)
I'm going to START with something that's not-so serious.
The reason I haven't posted any of those meme, Sonic couples/Sonic characters quizzes going around is because they're so WRONG. Maybe I'm just not answering right, but... UGH. I mean... come on. My Blaze pairing is what?! Tailaze?!?! UGH. >< SICK SICK SICK PUPPIES!!!
But when I went the second time, I got AmyBlaze. SQUEE. :D :D :D
Ahem. Yeah.
The good news is I'm not totally restricted from the computer OR the show!!
The bad news is, things haven't gotten much better.
Mom's sick, Zack's still a bitch, even after I talked to him this morning and we AGREED to be nice... I seriously think I'm having a mental breakdown or something, I've been breaking into tears for almost no apparent reason and not being able to stop crying for at least 15 minutes at a time... Mom's even considering taking me to the DOCTOR it's that bad.
I don't want your sympathy telling me "Oh, there's nothing wrong with you Chase", because there obviously something is. I used to be so happy. I THOUGHT I was so happy. I was never like this when I was younger. Two years ago I was FINE. And maybe there is something wrong with me. I just don't know. But I hate it. Mom's sick, she can't deal with it right now. She hates seeing me cry, seeing me break down like this, and it's killing me that I'm so stupid and... WRONG, to make her upset like that. I don't WANT her to be upset. She does so damn much for me, and I'm just tearing her to pieces.
I thought things would get better. I really, truly did.
I don't know where I went wrong. I wish I did. I wish I was normal and happy again. I'm sick of acting happy when I know that this PART of me is lurking, ready to bust out and weep at a whim. I don't want to ACT happy, I want to BE happy. Again. AGAIN.
And... now I'm whining about me, me, me. Which makes me feel even MORE stupid. ><
I suck right now. I didn't used to, but I do right now.
And YES, I'm beating myself up. Not because I'm not perfect, but because I'm better than this.
Good night.