Something feels different today
Today, I played a song from an old CD, that always brought up memories for me.
The feelings aren't there anymore. Time has passed. For like ten or so years, I'd listen to this music and recall the feelings that it brought up in me.
I have the feeling of being past something huge right now. I just wanted to share that.
I no longer cry out internally, of course if I ask if that makes sense, someone would say "Of course not, muse, do you ever make sense"
and part of me understands that ...
But.. for once, I don't feel that burning yearning.. thing. I feel like I've said and gotten out of me what I needed to get out.
i used to constantly feel that I couldn't get enough of my grief, anger, shame, sadness, etc. out of me.
This song that I listen to, reminds me so much of what it was like to lose my self, my soul, my personality everything. Everytime I'd listen to it, it was like I was right there back there and could easily be in it again. Like I was still in it.
Some part of my soul has come back to me somehow. I listen to that song with a feeling that whatever it used to illicit from me, is past. Its in the past.
What a wonderful day. What a wonderful life I'm going to have from here on out. Nobody and I mean nobody could be more grateful just to be here right now, alive. I still have my body, I didn't die when I tried to kill myself and I finally feel that my personal vibration is back in me.
Not out there. So whomever was using it, is going to have to come find me if they want more. I have a sensation of my own energy filling my soul and not the energy of what bothers me, what I need to do and what I've not done. Not of my regret but my hope for the future.
Not of what I'm worried about, but of the general collective feeling of waking and hearing the birds sing, the trucks go by and the feeling of the soft, warm covers on my back, and the soft mattress underneath me.
Atlas has dropped the world and it still spins on its own.
The feelings aren't there anymore. Time has passed. For like ten or so years, I'd listen to this music and recall the feelings that it brought up in me.
I have the feeling of being past something huge right now. I just wanted to share that.
I no longer cry out internally, of course if I ask if that makes sense, someone would say "Of course not, muse, do you ever make sense"
and part of me understands that ...
But.. for once, I don't feel that burning yearning.. thing. I feel like I've said and gotten out of me what I needed to get out.
i used to constantly feel that I couldn't get enough of my grief, anger, shame, sadness, etc. out of me.
This song that I listen to, reminds me so much of what it was like to lose my self, my soul, my personality everything. Everytime I'd listen to it, it was like I was right there back there and could easily be in it again. Like I was still in it.
Some part of my soul has come back to me somehow. I listen to that song with a feeling that whatever it used to illicit from me, is past. Its in the past.
What a wonderful day. What a wonderful life I'm going to have from here on out. Nobody and I mean nobody could be more grateful just to be here right now, alive. I still have my body, I didn't die when I tried to kill myself and I finally feel that my personal vibration is back in me.
Not out there. So whomever was using it, is going to have to come find me if they want more. I have a sensation of my own energy filling my soul and not the energy of what bothers me, what I need to do and what I've not done. Not of my regret but my hope for the future.
Not of what I'm worried about, but of the general collective feeling of waking and hearing the birds sing, the trucks go by and the feeling of the soft, warm covers on my back, and the soft mattress underneath me.
Atlas has dropped the world and it still spins on its own.