Mar 13, 2012 01:16
The other day I got a wedding invitation in the mail from my stepdad's brother and his brother's bride-to-be, and I'm undecided about whether or not to go. I always appreciate the opportunity to get all dressed up, partake in free food and shake my groove thing with people who wouldn't normally be caught dead on a dance floor. But then again, this is my stepdad's family we're talking about. Knowing them, they'd most likely be asking annoying questions such as, "So is there a new man in your life yet?...Why aren't you seeing anybody?...Do you think you'll ever get married again?...Well you'd better hurry up and find someone bc your biological clock is ticking..." [Insert eyeroll here.]
Yep, that's my stepdad's oh-so-charming family for you. Not only do they ask the wrong things at the wrong time, but they also continue to call me by my first name much to my chagrin. Up until my 18th birthday, I was "Carrie" *gag*. For personal reasons (and the fact that that name just doesn't suit me anymore), I always ask people to please call me Anne. A couple of stepdad's relatives have been considerate enough to respect my wishes and call me by my middle name, but the other 98% STILL call me Carrie. So if I go to that wedding, all evening I'll be hearing shit like, "So, Carrie, have you found a new man yet?...Hey, Carrie, have you landed a job in your field yet?...Wow Carrie, you still don't have any kids? Why?..." *sigh* Believe me, if I go I'll be taking full advantage of the bar lol.
Speaking of weddings, Mom and I caught the season finale of "The Bachelor". Now that it's over, she can finally stop suggesting that I audition to be a contestant for next season, lol. But now that the wound from my recent heartbreak is starting to scab over, she's begun - once again - to make comments about me "finding someone". Ugh, not again! Like today we were just sitting and chatting, and she said, "You're so pretty. It's a shame you don't have a wonderful man in your life." Uh...Mom? What the hell does pretty have to do with finding a good man? She means well, but when she says stuff like that, it makes me kinda sad. I mean my best friend found "The One" around ten years ago, my cousins found amazing guys when they were young and are still married to those same guys, Mom and stepdad started seeing each other when they were much younger than I am now and they're still together and very happy. As for me, I just never found that one person I really "click" with. There have been several times when I thought I found real love, but those bells and whistles turned out to be a false alarm.
So long story short(er), I'm a strong, independent woman who - at the ripe old age of 35 - still hasn't found Mr. Right. I have a cat who loves me and treats me better than any man ever did, and I still consider myself a "crazy cat lady in training". Yeah it does bother me to some extent when Mom points out to me (for the thousandth time) that my cousins and step-siblings have all found someone special, but I'm trying to be positive about it. I could've stayed with my ex-husband but if I'd done that, I would've been settling for Mr. I-Guess-He's-All-Right instead of holding out for Mr. Right. Sure I would've had someone to grow old with, but I'd still be unhappy.
And I really shouldn't be comparing myself to other people in my age group. Life (and love) is not a race; I shouldn't allow anybody to pressure me into keeping up with my friends. In fact, I'm not even ready at this point to get involved with anybody romantically. I need some time to myself, to figure things out and learn how to live for myself instead of putting my life on hold for others, as I've been known to do. I need to just be myself, do what I love, and start putting myself first for a change. If I find someone really great in the process, cool. If not, then I'll still have my sweet, adoring cat...and any other cats that come along in the future.