Impossible Fics
Uploading as they're written...
[Jackie's actually a ghost, and haunts Shawn giving him hints concerning his cases]
"Ok, you go in first, y'know scout around to make sure there's nobody with guns and such...."
"Shawn?"
"Scuse me, I'm talking here."
"Yes....to nobody?? We're the only ones here, Shawn."
Shawn pauses in his instructions and gives Gus a don't be a silly chocolate chip cookie look. "Now that's just rude, ignoring the lady." He turns back to the empty space next to him. "Scuse my partner, apparently I can't get him excited about anything, even girls...." His narrative trails off as Jackie is setting her teeth with a look that said, oh I wish I didn't have to tell you this....
"...oh you're not."
She shuts her eyes and nods. "Yeah, I'm afraid so."
Shawn does a headdesk number on the back of the log they're hiding behind.
"What is wrong with you, man?" Gus asks, seriously creeped out by Shawn's behavior.
"Never mind, lets just go find the killer...sooner we're done, the sooner I can start therapy." He points at the air next to him. "You wipe off that smile or I'll start walking through you from now on."
Jackie turns her lips inward obediently and moves away quickly. There was a crime scene to check out.
**************
[Gus did actually ride a dolphin once and when Shawn finds the photos...]
"Hello, Mr. Guster."
Gus reacted like any normal person would who flicks on the lights and finds someone sitting in his living room chair....with a series of kung fu moves that were hopefully going to impress whoever was gonna kill him in the dark. Then he saw who it was. "Shawn! What??"
"I've been...*dramatic pause*....waiting for you." Shawn was sitting calmly in his brown comfy chair with his fingertips tented together. "I'd thought we knew each other better than this, Gus...I'm ashamed of you."
Gus blinked for a second or two. "What are you talking about, Shawn?"
Shawn reaches over deftly to pull a picture out of hiding behind the regular picture of Gus and his family. Gus sees what he's going for and reacts without thinking. "No!" he reaches out, but it's too late. "I'm talking about THIS." The photo now displayed in front of Shawn is a very good picture of Gus at the aquarium in his swimming trunks...astride a dolphin. "WHAT. IS. THIS. GUS?" Shawn stands up to hold it closer to Gus' face.
He fumbles for an answer. "I...it...that's photoshopped..." he begins.
"Not photoshopped." Shawn cuts off that explanation.
Well, Gus is out of ideas then. He snatches the picture from Shawn, grumbling about privacy and friends breaking into his apartment all hours of the night. "I don't have to tell you anything. Even if this picture was real."
"This is worse than the marriage thing AND the goat thing combined." Shawn is aghast. "Apparently our friendship means nothing to you."
Gus throws up his hands in defeat. "Alright fine! Yes I did do it and no I'm not telling you where or when. I'm a man of many secrets and I'd like to KEEP some of them if you don't mind."
Shawn sighs deeply as if gathering himself. "Alright....if that's the way you want it...." he turns to go. "Guess I'm stuck breaking into the Vermont Aquarium all on my own then..."
"SHAWN!" Gus ran after his friend fast as he could.
[Jackie's actually a ghost, and haunts Shawn giving him hints concerning his cases]
"Ok, you go in first, y'know scout around to make sure there's nobody with guns and such...."
"Shawn?"
"Scuse me, I'm talking here."
"Yes....to nobody?? We're the only ones here, Shawn."
Shawn pauses in his instructions and gives Gus a don't be a silly chocolate chip cookie look. "Now that's just rude, ignoring the lady." He turns back to the empty space next to him. "Scuse my partner, apparently I can't get him excited about anything, even girls...." His narrative trails off as Jackie is setting her teeth with a look that said, oh I wish I didn't have to tell you this....
"...oh you're not."
She shuts her eyes and nods. "Yeah, I'm afraid so."
Shawn does a headdesk number on the back of the log they're hiding behind.
"What is wrong with you, man?" Gus asks, seriously creeped out by Shawn's behavior.
"Never mind, lets just go find the killer...sooner we're done, the sooner I can start therapy." He points at the air next to him. "You wipe off that smile or I'll start walking through you from now on."
Jackie turns her lips inward obediently and moves away quickly. There was a crime scene to check out.
**************
[Gus did actually ride a dolphin once and when Shawn finds the photos...]
"Hello, Mr. Guster."
Gus reacted like any normal person would who flicks on the lights and finds someone sitting in his living room chair....with a series of kung fu moves that were hopefully going to impress whoever was gonna kill him in the dark. Then he saw who it was. "Shawn! What??"
"I've been...*dramatic pause*....waiting for you." Shawn was sitting calmly in his brown comfy chair with his fingertips tented together. "I'd thought we knew each other better than this, Gus...I'm ashamed of you."
Gus blinked for a second or two. "What are you talking about, Shawn?"
Shawn reaches over deftly to pull a picture out of hiding behind the regular picture of Gus and his family. Gus sees what he's going for and reacts without thinking. "No!" he reaches out, but it's too late. "I'm talking about THIS." The photo now displayed in front of Shawn is a very good picture of Gus at the aquarium in his swimming trunks...astride a dolphin. "WHAT. IS. THIS. GUS?" Shawn stands up to hold it closer to Gus' face.
He fumbles for an answer. "I...it...that's photoshopped..." he begins.
"Not photoshopped." Shawn cuts off that explanation.
Well, Gus is out of ideas then. He snatches the picture from Shawn, grumbling about privacy and friends breaking into his apartment all hours of the night. "I don't have to tell you anything. Even if this picture was real."
"This is worse than the marriage thing AND the goat thing combined." Shawn is aghast. "Apparently our friendship means nothing to you."
Gus throws up his hands in defeat. "Alright fine! Yes I did do it and no I'm not telling you where or when. I'm a man of many secrets and I'd like to KEEP some of them if you don't mind."
Shawn sighs deeply as if gathering himself. "Alright....if that's the way you want it...." he turns to go. "Guess I'm stuck breaking into the Vermont Aquarium all on my own then..."
"SHAWN!" Gus ran after his friend fast as he could.