Alienation, Japanimation
Only about 14 days of school left for me. This summer is gonna be a busy one. The people for the job applications still haven't called but summer vacation leaves a lot of time for the band to practice. And fool around and be weirdos. That's besides the point. The summer is not allowed to be over until a lot of progress has been made. Wonder where I'll spend a vacation too. I need to get out of NYC for at least a week or two. Even then its bummy. When I leave the city I fall into my natural state. A loner, because once somewhere I don't know anybody like out of state, there's nothing better to do than to toss rocks at a lake by myself. That's probably why I picked up skateboarding as a kid. I've always wanted to do things by myself. At the beginning of every season I go through a, not necessarily depressed feeling, but really bummed out. I'm accepted by the in-crowd so I have plenty of friends over here in New York but thats only because I manipulated my way into their rankings in order to get what I want from them.
After all the shit the in crowd has put me through growing up for being unique I decided to infiltrate them and break them down and take over. And it worked. Everyday I am given the benefits of them giving me from money to free food to free anything. Some weird form of generousity coming out of them based on the clothes I wear. But it doesn't make a bit of difference. They don't know the real me. I no longer really have to put up an act to stay in their picture anymore because I've already long infiltrated their group and been accepted but regardless they can only see bits of who I am. The real me is too much a deep thinker to sit at a table and socialize. And so I feel like nobody I hang out with understands me. I have 1 to 2 or maybe 4 close friends who understand me and feel the same but the sad part is I rarely see them because that bummy feeling associated with nobody understanding them has made them go into recluse too. Nobody worry about me. I feel like this the beginning of every season. Maybe I need to find that one true person who understands me.
But the girl who is obsessed with me that I know, its not her. She doesn't understand me. Because she did understand me she wouldn't stalk me and obsess over me and send threats about possibly killing me or like in her last message claiming shes going to kill herself because I'm the only thing worth her living for. And its just so ridiculous. She makes me so angry inside. So angry its strong enough to kill me and sadden me. Its not fucking fair. How dare you make me the catalyst to your life or your death. How dare you put me in responsibility of your life. If I refuse to make you my one true and only, you kill yourself. And then everyones gonna blame it on me like I'm a murderer. Like Charles Manson who killed NOBODY but got arrested because his followers killed everybody. I didn't do anything! She speaks of me like the messiah's reincarnate. And I hate it. I'm only 16 and she sends messages in hopes of pity. In hope that I'll marry her. Slow down. Can I get my HIGH SCHOOL DIPLOMA?
I feel anxious, persecuted and followed. I need SPACE! Just give me some fucking space! Just leave me the fuck alone. I've had to walk slowly out my building elevator in fear she'll be standing in front of my door because thats something she would do. She once chased me through midtown blocks upon blocks and I had to run downstairs into the subway and make my way up another staircase to another side of the city to confuse her to lose her. Shes tried to beat me to a bloody hell because I won't give her what she wants because I'm entitled to the personal freedom to find the girl I really love and the fact that she won't accept my rights because of what she wants, and threaten to kill me or her unless she gets otherwise is selfish! In which speaking of her trying to knock me to the stone age, She couldn't. I punched her in the nose before because of how mad she was going and she stopped. Something like a dog. And I hate hitting people. I hate fighting in general. I'm one of the Most Wanted guys in the city right now, in the good way and the bad way. And the worst part is, I didn't even do anything.
After all the shit the in crowd has put me through growing up for being unique I decided to infiltrate them and break them down and take over. And it worked. Everyday I am given the benefits of them giving me from money to free food to free anything. Some weird form of generousity coming out of them based on the clothes I wear. But it doesn't make a bit of difference. They don't know the real me. I no longer really have to put up an act to stay in their picture anymore because I've already long infiltrated their group and been accepted but regardless they can only see bits of who I am. The real me is too much a deep thinker to sit at a table and socialize. And so I feel like nobody I hang out with understands me. I have 1 to 2 or maybe 4 close friends who understand me and feel the same but the sad part is I rarely see them because that bummy feeling associated with nobody understanding them has made them go into recluse too. Nobody worry about me. I feel like this the beginning of every season. Maybe I need to find that one true person who understands me.
But the girl who is obsessed with me that I know, its not her. She doesn't understand me. Because she did understand me she wouldn't stalk me and obsess over me and send threats about possibly killing me or like in her last message claiming shes going to kill herself because I'm the only thing worth her living for. And its just so ridiculous. She makes me so angry inside. So angry its strong enough to kill me and sadden me. Its not fucking fair. How dare you make me the catalyst to your life or your death. How dare you put me in responsibility of your life. If I refuse to make you my one true and only, you kill yourself. And then everyones gonna blame it on me like I'm a murderer. Like Charles Manson who killed NOBODY but got arrested because his followers killed everybody. I didn't do anything! She speaks of me like the messiah's reincarnate. And I hate it. I'm only 16 and she sends messages in hopes of pity. In hope that I'll marry her. Slow down. Can I get my HIGH SCHOOL DIPLOMA?
I feel anxious, persecuted and followed. I need SPACE! Just give me some fucking space! Just leave me the fuck alone. I've had to walk slowly out my building elevator in fear she'll be standing in front of my door because thats something she would do. She once chased me through midtown blocks upon blocks and I had to run downstairs into the subway and make my way up another staircase to another side of the city to confuse her to lose her. Shes tried to beat me to a bloody hell because I won't give her what she wants because I'm entitled to the personal freedom to find the girl I really love and the fact that she won't accept my rights because of what she wants, and threaten to kill me or her unless she gets otherwise is selfish! In which speaking of her trying to knock me to the stone age, She couldn't. I punched her in the nose before because of how mad she was going and she stopped. Something like a dog. And I hate hitting people. I hate fighting in general. I'm one of the Most Wanted guys in the city right now, in the good way and the bad way. And the worst part is, I didn't even do anything.