funny uncle
ok, so my uncle hank as many of you know owns a cheesecake shop. He is a depressed man, and as a result is always very angry and very pissed off about everything. Someone complains about a cheesecake and asks for a free one he refuses it and tells them basically to fuck off and if they dont' like it, get another one or go somewhere else. There seems to be no humor in the man. At least that is what I thought until I read this.
A guy sent him an email asking for his bank information so he could wire him money to hold for the guy. The guy that sent the original email is middle eastern and he said bullshit about the money being for pensions for their military, and it gave the message that he basically stole it and wanted it for himself, and wanted my uncle's help to make that possible. The total money was 10,000,000 dollars. Anyway, here's my uncles response to that.
My Dearest Unfortunate Saheed Azeez Hameed,
Praise be to Allah, but you are in a most unfortunate situation.
You are correct--I am a God-fearing man, but I must admit to some doubt
about the sincerity of your religious fervor. Does Allah condone the
theft--or perhaps I should be kinder and say the misappropration--no, no, I
think theft is best--of $10,000,000.00? I know the Christian God does not
look kindly on such acts of larceny, but perhaps Allah does. Maybe you
could give me some instruction in the morality of the Muslims. After the
events of 9/11 and other attacks and bombings around the world many people
say that the religion of Mohammed is indeed violent and immoral. I
certainly don't wish to believe this, but your request seems to add to its
credibility.
Please let me give you some advice if I may, my brother. I think you should
give all the money to charity--perhaps to help feed and shelter the poor
among your brethren in Iraq. If you don't I fear that Allah may come to you
in the night and twist your testicles until your penis falls off and then
infest your nether region with 1000, nay 10,000, camel lice. That would put
you in an even more unfortunate situation. So I beg you, my brother, repent
your evil ways and live the life Mohammed has prescribed in the Koran.
Allah be praised.
A guy sent him an email asking for his bank information so he could wire him money to hold for the guy. The guy that sent the original email is middle eastern and he said bullshit about the money being for pensions for their military, and it gave the message that he basically stole it and wanted it for himself, and wanted my uncle's help to make that possible. The total money was 10,000,000 dollars. Anyway, here's my uncles response to that.
My Dearest Unfortunate Saheed Azeez Hameed,
Praise be to Allah, but you are in a most unfortunate situation.
You are correct--I am a God-fearing man, but I must admit to some doubt
about the sincerity of your religious fervor. Does Allah condone the
theft--or perhaps I should be kinder and say the misappropration--no, no, I
think theft is best--of $10,000,000.00? I know the Christian God does not
look kindly on such acts of larceny, but perhaps Allah does. Maybe you
could give me some instruction in the morality of the Muslims. After the
events of 9/11 and other attacks and bombings around the world many people
say that the religion of Mohammed is indeed violent and immoral. I
certainly don't wish to believe this, but your request seems to add to its
credibility.
Please let me give you some advice if I may, my brother. I think you should
give all the money to charity--perhaps to help feed and shelter the poor
among your brethren in Iraq. If you don't I fear that Allah may come to you
in the night and twist your testicles until your penis falls off and then
infest your nether region with 1000, nay 10,000, camel lice. That would put
you in an even more unfortunate situation. So I beg you, my brother, repent
your evil ways and live the life Mohammed has prescribed in the Koran.
Allah be praised.