(no subject)
okay, my major month-long project at work ended yesterday afternoon, and i'm about an hour away from a big call to talk about it, so in the few moments inbetween, let's see what i can write...
3 weeks as of yesterday...i never really wrote much about the whole experience on here so if you want to know...
we knew that the baby was breech (i.e. she was head-up rather than head-down, which in this country virtually guarantees a C-section) for the duration of the pregnancy, so even though S was expected to deliver on 10/4 she had to plan for surgery on 9/28 (they almost always do C-sections in the 39th week) - S' oka-san arrived in america on 9/21, a week beforehand, not only to see her pregnant daughter but to prepare for life in the states for the next two months - however on the morning of 9/22 at about 3:20am, S' water broke and our plans got ramped up a bit...
i never knew exactly what was really meant by "water breaking" - in my head i always imagined some experience like a water balloon bursting (as ridiculous as it sounds), but instead it was just a steady stream of fluid that just didn't stop - the trail of towels along the floor was very hansel & gretel-ish...we were out the door at 4, at the hospital at 5 (we got really lucky, considering we had to drive from about 20 miles south of the city all the way up through the downtown connector and onto 400, that we did it before the morning commute started), and situated in the hospital room by 5:30 - the medical staff confirmed she was still breech, and plans were to go into the OR at 7:45 - everything flashing before our eyes...
a lot of our talk during the pregnancy was whether to go for a natural birth or to use an epidural - considering that S has a history of major back pain (as those of you reading my journal 2 years ago at this time may recall), a major painkiller was looked at as a positive thing - on the other hand, the epidural is administered in the tailbone, precisely where S' pain is centered, and one of the possible side effects of an epidural is the lingering back pain - obviously this was a pretty difficult topic for us to approach, and honestly i had spent the last months worrying far more about back issues than anything else - but on the other hand, it is impossible (at this hospital, at least) to have a C-section without an epidural - so the choice was made for us, and thankfully there were no complications with the injection...before we knew it 7:45 was here...
i had to stay in the hallway during the initial phase of the operation, and they were going to call me in minutes before the actual delivery - i had been outfitted in scrubs and was sitting about 50 feet from the door, as a veritable rollercoaster of emotions went through me - nervous, crying, and ecstatic looped over and over in 15-second cycles - then they came out to get me...
S had a curtain walling off her vision from seeing what was going on below her upper chest - i sat back there with her and tried to comfort her (she was never in great pain, although she did use laughing gas also since the epidural didn't completely calm her) - then the docs asked me if i was ready with my camera and as soon as i said "yeah" A was out and rushed over to the heating table to do all of her prep work - this was about 50x faster than i ever imagined it would be (and i knew it was supposed to be fast) - i have one picture, actually A's very first picture (there was no way i could take the picture of her coming out), where the medical staff is seen only as a blur...
i never pictured what our baby would look like, but one thing i thought would be given would be the dark hair - after all she is half-japanese, and my hair is brown (or at least it was before the gray started taking over about 5 years ago) - so to see a red-haired girl was almost unbelievable - although i myself was born with red hair (and S told me she was actually born blonde, something i thought inconceivable for a pure japanese girl) - and blue/gray eyes that mimic my own - of course we know that hair and eye color will almost surely change but it still gave me a shock - the only thing i was sure of, only to find out otherwise!
people told me that A would recognize the sound of my voice when she'd hear it for the first time, and sure enough she stopped crying for a moment and gazed around quizzically...
the docs asked me if i wanted to check out my wife's insides before they began to sew her up, but i emphatically (as emphatically as i could get, although i had a feeling akin to the wind being knocked out of me) said no thanks - and then A was wheeled off for her first check-up and bath, and i followed - about 20 minutes later S was wheeled in and i took that picture that you all saw on my previous post...
obviously this is quite abbreviated, but it gives you an idea of how things went...
as for right now, A is feeding in the daytime around 2-2.5 hours, at night in about 4 hour stretches (although always subject to change) - she's being breastfed, so poor S hasn't had a stretch of more than 3 hours (at best) sleep since september 21 - i guess i haven't had much either, although S tends to handle the nighttime feedings herself during the week so that i won't be a zombie at work (or at least not that much more of a zombie) - breastfeeding isn't an easy practice to master and there were some placement problems in the first couple of weeks but it looks like things are a lot better now - although S' incision from the surgery still comes and goes in painful jags - to those of you who have had C-sections (or have had experience around moms with such), do you know how long it took you to get over it? obviously everyone is different but still...it tears me up to see S so depleted of energy and in occasional pain, but it seems there's nothing i can do for the time being other than try to offer encouragement and look after A when i'm at home in order to give her a slight rest...
the rest of my life feels on hold, as i fully expected it to do, with the exception of music - we knew that we didn't want to bring A into a world of television but i didn't know how much music exposure was healthy beforehand - obviously its one of her dad's favorite things in this world but i didn't know what would be appropriate or how much she should hear - but she appears to really like it! she tends to be calmer while we're playing CDs (LPs are a tricky beast to handle right now), and she seems to react the best to pretty females singing simple folk melodies - but we've tried out several different styles to gauge her interests...
earlier this week, there were a lot of friends-list postings about "100 favorite albums" - i can never bring myself to do one of those but on the other hand i can give you all A's playlists - here is the soundtrack to the first 3 weeks of her life:
yoko ono/john lennon - unfinished music no. 2: life with the lions
kronos quartet - lachrymae antiqae (early music)
the necks - sex
neil young - harvest
reiko kudo - rice field silently riping in the night
vashti bunyan - just another diamond day
kawabata makoto - infinite love
gustav holst - the planets
v/a - a kabuki cd that was given to me by one of S' friends
oum kalsoum - arabic masters
v/a - radio india: the eternal dream of sound
the latter two were observed indirectly because we had a middle eastern dinner on the night that ramadan started, and then 2 nights ago we cooked paneer vindaloo...too bad i've temporarily got my shirley collins & born heller cds loaned out...
S has played a number of things from her collection, but i can't really tell you any of the names since i never know any of those j-pop artists' names - but she's also played some tori amos and vaartina...
based on her interests, i decided to pick up more pretty female music (as if i needed any additional stimulation to do so) - so massive mailorders this week, including:
the shirley collins box set
the new broadcast album
the latest josephine foster album
along with some composed music:
a satie collection
debussy - prelude to the afternoon of a faun
2 chopin discs performed by kissin (S' favorite chopin interpreter)
and a few congratulatory things to pick up since i was already on the mailorder beat:
v/a - the invisible pyramid elegy box
v/a - children of nuggets box
v/a - the american primitive volume 2 set
devendra banhart - cripple crow
v/a - the sublime frequencies disc from iraq
v/a - the sublime frequencies disc from north korea
v/a - the sublime frequencies disc from burma (volume 2)
v/a - the sublime frequencies disc from mali (completing my collection)
i don't want to steer my child into anything purely for my own benefit, but if she grows up with an appreciation of music it would be heartwarming to me at least...
and now its time to prep for the big call - more pictures to come soon, although none for now...
3 weeks as of yesterday...i never really wrote much about the whole experience on here so if you want to know...
we knew that the baby was breech (i.e. she was head-up rather than head-down, which in this country virtually guarantees a C-section) for the duration of the pregnancy, so even though S was expected to deliver on 10/4 she had to plan for surgery on 9/28 (they almost always do C-sections in the 39th week) - S' oka-san arrived in america on 9/21, a week beforehand, not only to see her pregnant daughter but to prepare for life in the states for the next two months - however on the morning of 9/22 at about 3:20am, S' water broke and our plans got ramped up a bit...
i never knew exactly what was really meant by "water breaking" - in my head i always imagined some experience like a water balloon bursting (as ridiculous as it sounds), but instead it was just a steady stream of fluid that just didn't stop - the trail of towels along the floor was very hansel & gretel-ish...we were out the door at 4, at the hospital at 5 (we got really lucky, considering we had to drive from about 20 miles south of the city all the way up through the downtown connector and onto 400, that we did it before the morning commute started), and situated in the hospital room by 5:30 - the medical staff confirmed she was still breech, and plans were to go into the OR at 7:45 - everything flashing before our eyes...
a lot of our talk during the pregnancy was whether to go for a natural birth or to use an epidural - considering that S has a history of major back pain (as those of you reading my journal 2 years ago at this time may recall), a major painkiller was looked at as a positive thing - on the other hand, the epidural is administered in the tailbone, precisely where S' pain is centered, and one of the possible side effects of an epidural is the lingering back pain - obviously this was a pretty difficult topic for us to approach, and honestly i had spent the last months worrying far more about back issues than anything else - but on the other hand, it is impossible (at this hospital, at least) to have a C-section without an epidural - so the choice was made for us, and thankfully there were no complications with the injection...before we knew it 7:45 was here...
i had to stay in the hallway during the initial phase of the operation, and they were going to call me in minutes before the actual delivery - i had been outfitted in scrubs and was sitting about 50 feet from the door, as a veritable rollercoaster of emotions went through me - nervous, crying, and ecstatic looped over and over in 15-second cycles - then they came out to get me...
S had a curtain walling off her vision from seeing what was going on below her upper chest - i sat back there with her and tried to comfort her (she was never in great pain, although she did use laughing gas also since the epidural didn't completely calm her) - then the docs asked me if i was ready with my camera and as soon as i said "yeah" A was out and rushed over to the heating table to do all of her prep work - this was about 50x faster than i ever imagined it would be (and i knew it was supposed to be fast) - i have one picture, actually A's very first picture (there was no way i could take the picture of her coming out), where the medical staff is seen only as a blur...
i never pictured what our baby would look like, but one thing i thought would be given would be the dark hair - after all she is half-japanese, and my hair is brown (or at least it was before the gray started taking over about 5 years ago) - so to see a red-haired girl was almost unbelievable - although i myself was born with red hair (and S told me she was actually born blonde, something i thought inconceivable for a pure japanese girl) - and blue/gray eyes that mimic my own - of course we know that hair and eye color will almost surely change but it still gave me a shock - the only thing i was sure of, only to find out otherwise!
people told me that A would recognize the sound of my voice when she'd hear it for the first time, and sure enough she stopped crying for a moment and gazed around quizzically...
the docs asked me if i wanted to check out my wife's insides before they began to sew her up, but i emphatically (as emphatically as i could get, although i had a feeling akin to the wind being knocked out of me) said no thanks - and then A was wheeled off for her first check-up and bath, and i followed - about 20 minutes later S was wheeled in and i took that picture that you all saw on my previous post...
obviously this is quite abbreviated, but it gives you an idea of how things went...
as for right now, A is feeding in the daytime around 2-2.5 hours, at night in about 4 hour stretches (although always subject to change) - she's being breastfed, so poor S hasn't had a stretch of more than 3 hours (at best) sleep since september 21 - i guess i haven't had much either, although S tends to handle the nighttime feedings herself during the week so that i won't be a zombie at work (or at least not that much more of a zombie) - breastfeeding isn't an easy practice to master and there were some placement problems in the first couple of weeks but it looks like things are a lot better now - although S' incision from the surgery still comes and goes in painful jags - to those of you who have had C-sections (or have had experience around moms with such), do you know how long it took you to get over it? obviously everyone is different but still...it tears me up to see S so depleted of energy and in occasional pain, but it seems there's nothing i can do for the time being other than try to offer encouragement and look after A when i'm at home in order to give her a slight rest...
the rest of my life feels on hold, as i fully expected it to do, with the exception of music - we knew that we didn't want to bring A into a world of television but i didn't know how much music exposure was healthy beforehand - obviously its one of her dad's favorite things in this world but i didn't know what would be appropriate or how much she should hear - but she appears to really like it! she tends to be calmer while we're playing CDs (LPs are a tricky beast to handle right now), and she seems to react the best to pretty females singing simple folk melodies - but we've tried out several different styles to gauge her interests...
earlier this week, there were a lot of friends-list postings about "100 favorite albums" - i can never bring myself to do one of those but on the other hand i can give you all A's playlists - here is the soundtrack to the first 3 weeks of her life:
yoko ono/john lennon - unfinished music no. 2: life with the lions
kronos quartet - lachrymae antiqae (early music)
the necks - sex
neil young - harvest
reiko kudo - rice field silently riping in the night
vashti bunyan - just another diamond day
kawabata makoto - infinite love
gustav holst - the planets
v/a - a kabuki cd that was given to me by one of S' friends
oum kalsoum - arabic masters
v/a - radio india: the eternal dream of sound
the latter two were observed indirectly because we had a middle eastern dinner on the night that ramadan started, and then 2 nights ago we cooked paneer vindaloo...too bad i've temporarily got my shirley collins & born heller cds loaned out...
S has played a number of things from her collection, but i can't really tell you any of the names since i never know any of those j-pop artists' names - but she's also played some tori amos and vaartina...
based on her interests, i decided to pick up more pretty female music (as if i needed any additional stimulation to do so) - so massive mailorders this week, including:
the shirley collins box set
the new broadcast album
the latest josephine foster album
along with some composed music:
a satie collection
debussy - prelude to the afternoon of a faun
2 chopin discs performed by kissin (S' favorite chopin interpreter)
and a few congratulatory things to pick up since i was already on the mailorder beat:
v/a - the invisible pyramid elegy box
v/a - children of nuggets box
v/a - the american primitive volume 2 set
devendra banhart - cripple crow
v/a - the sublime frequencies disc from iraq
v/a - the sublime frequencies disc from north korea
v/a - the sublime frequencies disc from burma (volume 2)
v/a - the sublime frequencies disc from mali (completing my collection)
i don't want to steer my child into anything purely for my own benefit, but if she grows up with an appreciation of music it would be heartwarming to me at least...
and now its time to prep for the big call - more pictures to come soon, although none for now...