Survivor: One World - the most sexist game show yet.
Seriously, I'm starting to hate reality TV and gameshows.
I mean, come on. Tonight I came in the living room just in time to see the second challenge, where the teams have to get past each other on these thin wood beams. This was such a stupid, sexist challenge. The reason the guys won was because of the different physical assets of the two teams and the fact that that air-headed Kat jumped in the water TWICE. Idiot.
But back to my point. When I said physical assets, I meant the fact that, HELLO, girls have boobs that get in the way! Guys don't! That makes it just that much harder! Even one of the girls said that it was hard because of that. (I think it was Kat; it was probably the one smart thing she said.)
So, yes, I do think this season will be bias. Subjective, if you want the scientific term.
Another show that pisses me off: Biggest Loser. That stupid Conda- GAH! She makes me mad! The black brother and sister got voted off because every one of those dumbasses on that show thinks that because they joined the season late, they can't join their little 'cliche'. It's so highschool drama.
And at the head of it all: that stupid Conda and her big mouth.
Some people I just want to choke because they purposely create drama to get attention on television. The same thing happens around me everyday, and I stay out of it. But I get so pissed... And when I want the people around me to stop creating drama, I'm blunt when I want to get my point across. So I simply say what I think in about one sentence that leaves their mouth hanging open. And other times, I'll just say very loudly, "Shut UP for God's sake."
It's like on the bus. The stupid kids that are younger than me are too scared to move seats when ever one opens. If there's one other person in the seat, I'm okay. If there's two others, I'll usually ask the one on the outside to move into an open seat when it opens so I can get off easier along with every other person at my stop. But NO, they're too fragging scared and stay where they are. Sometimes, I'll just sigh and go back to listening to my iPod, but on rough days, when I'm tired, worn out mentally and physically, and really just want every to be a mile away from me, I'll say something like, "What are you so afraid of? It's a seat, it won't bite you!"
No, I'm not a bully. No, I'm not mean. In fact, I try to help out people if I think they genuinely need my help. But I stick mostly to myself and my little circle of friends. I'm not a people person, though it seems nearly everyone comes to me for advice, whether on English (because my English teacher likes to brag on my writing - even when I didn't try that hard) or on Science because I have some seriously high grades in that class. But my humor is not the kind people outside my circle of friends are used to. I'm more sarcastic than anything and certain people think I'm a mean person because of that. I've been called a bitch, whore, or just mean, but every time it hurts, because I'm not trying to be mean. That's just my humor.
Online, when I write humor, people don't get mad when they read it, because it's not coming out of my mouth. It's coming out of my writing. And when people can't see you, they don't judge you by your appearance, but by your words. There was a really random moment today when I was considering my appearance compared to other girls, and a random quote popped in my head when I looked in the mirror.
When looking in the mirror, always remember it's just a reflection looking back.
I wish other people saw things that way.
But back to the original point: I'm not mean, I'm just very sarcastic and often critical. And people who aren't close to me don't realize that.
My sister asked me a long time ago, when I was more ignorant and younger, what superpower I would want if I had to pick one. I chose the ability to fly, because that's been my dream. (Why did God create humans without wings? ): ) She chose the ability to read minds. When I asked her why, she said, "So I can know if a guy likes me or not."
That's how things always were with her. Narrow-minded, unimportant, stupid wants that aren't necessary. She never really did see the whole picture, and because of that, she made choices that hurt everyone.
Now, she's long gone. Just a month or so and it'll be a year since I last saw or talked to her.
But now, if I could see her, I'd tell her that I changed my mind. I'd want the ability to read minds. Because sometimes I'd like to know what's going through some people's minds when they do things that hurt others. Did they expect how much it would hurt others? Did they think they'd regret their decision?
I makes me sick to think of seeing my dad cry like he did the night my sister left. It makes me sick to think about how he asked me over and over, "Was I not a good parent? What did I do wrong?" It makes me sick to think of how I sat there, numb, and could only shake my head and whisper, "No."
It makes me to sick to think of how shocked I was when my sister left, especially when I was the only soul she told about her decision to leave.
And I sat by and did nothing. I didn't expect her to actually go through with her decision. And ever since then, I've had to sit by my parents and listen to them talk about how unexpected it was for my sister to make her decision, while I sit there and stew in guilt.
God. How did I get from hating gameshows to my own guilt?
I just...needed to get that off my chest. Too many things have been happening with a so-called best friend lately, added with my dark, critical thoughts, and stress in school. Too many things are changing at the moment, and I can't tell worth a damn if the changes are good or bad. (Even though the changes may seem good to others, they look like risks to me. I'm so paranoid.)
But...still.
I really miss her.