Almost over?
Supposedly, however long the relationship is, take that time in half and that is the amount of processing and mourning you need. I have a month and a half left. I might need it.
I am crying myself to sleep less at night but I still think about him. I still have memories every time I breathe. But, supposedly, by the middle of June, I will magically be done. All my logic thinks that this won't work but I am hoping it will. I keep thinking about if I confronted him and told him how I really felt. That he broke up with me all wrong and during a time where we were both happy together. It should have been either we were happy together the rest of our lives or if we were to break up, then it should be mutual and when neither of us feel secure anymore, we break up gradually because we would both be at that place of mutual understated misery.
I realize now that I might have been miserable living in Texas. Obviously with the heat but with going to grad school, I know that I would have felt forced to go and that Alex would have thought that my frustration was about him and I never would have known about my real and intended career course if it wasn't for the break up and my talk with Darren.
I wouldn't take him back at this point. I would sleep with him again but that is because I am horny and I have never been with anyone else. I am terrified of the prospect of sleeping with another man because it is so familiar and it feels like he claimed every part of my body. It would feel weird to be that intimate again. Maybe it is too soon? All I know is, when I want to sleep with another man in my life, it will be with the same feelings I had with Alex rather than simply getting it done. I never want to be ashamed of being with someone again. I want to make EXTRA sure that I am wanted, that I am special, and that sex won't be a solitary or frightening thing. It is something to do with someone you care about and that you will want to do over and over again.
I am crying myself to sleep less at night but I still think about him. I still have memories every time I breathe. But, supposedly, by the middle of June, I will magically be done. All my logic thinks that this won't work but I am hoping it will. I keep thinking about if I confronted him and told him how I really felt. That he broke up with me all wrong and during a time where we were both happy together. It should have been either we were happy together the rest of our lives or if we were to break up, then it should be mutual and when neither of us feel secure anymore, we break up gradually because we would both be at that place of mutual understated misery.
I realize now that I might have been miserable living in Texas. Obviously with the heat but with going to grad school, I know that I would have felt forced to go and that Alex would have thought that my frustration was about him and I never would have known about my real and intended career course if it wasn't for the break up and my talk with Darren.
I wouldn't take him back at this point. I would sleep with him again but that is because I am horny and I have never been with anyone else. I am terrified of the prospect of sleeping with another man because it is so familiar and it feels like he claimed every part of my body. It would feel weird to be that intimate again. Maybe it is too soon? All I know is, when I want to sleep with another man in my life, it will be with the same feelings I had with Alex rather than simply getting it done. I never want to be ashamed of being with someone again. I want to make EXTRA sure that I am wanted, that I am special, and that sex won't be a solitary or frightening thing. It is something to do with someone you care about and that you will want to do over and over again.