i spoke too soon.
so at my work we apparently have a new fashion section called "JOE."
Who is this Joe you may ask?
Well, apparently he used to work with Calvin Klein until Joe decided to start doing things for himself instead sucking at the power tit of the rasist bastard; Klein.
Now it`s all the rage at Superstore and we have a bizillion flyers at my work.. sooo, tonight Rotha, Rob and I decided to spice it up.
this was my favorite picture by far; it used to be a woman. Now she is a war amped man and the captin of the "fashion ship"
Basically i love my job and i`m doing well in my other classes;
i had my grad photo`s monday.
Turned out that i was supposed to be there 10 minutes prior to my photo`s being taken. So there i was. on time and ready to go.
One hour later... "Sarah Paradis it`s your turn"
I missed wind ens. at lunch because of that little technical difficulty; damn it.
After school we had pit band for 2 hours..
Today i felt inspiried in art and did a lot on my famine project; it looks amazing so far.
When i try and talk to my mom about my future and where it may take me she becomes extremly defensive and always put up barriers between us with her sarcastic words.
She refuses to listen to my half of the situation and only assumes that i`m far from right; which makes me feel pathetic and only happier to know that i`m leaving this home sooner than she knows.
Matt helped me realize a lot of things the other day; i missed out on my teenage years because my mom was a control freak!
And the sick part is that i let her get away with it.. I didn`t bother asking "why" she did what she did; i just took her word and let that be that..
Now i realize that I missed the parties, i missed the sleep overs and inside jokes. I missed the stupid camping trips and underaged drinking.
I missed out on so much more.. i missed out on living, period.
I`ve been pampered all of my life and now i`m almost an adult; what will i do with myself?
I can not depend on Matt, my friends, or my family to help me live. I can not be dependant on anything other than myself.
I need to make choices for myself, which I do, and i stand up for what i believe in.. i just need to figure out how to accomidate that with living.
I am so god damn protective over nothing and when i get upset i can not do anything but cry.
That is a form of insecurity and weakness, although it is my body`s way of saying "i don`t know what to do."
Does that mean i never know what to do?
I want to be free with my creativity; I want to be on my own cloud of time. yeah..
So i need to do things for me now; i need to talk to my guidance counselors and i need to take a stab at what i know i deserve.
I DESERVE a great summer job and i WILL earn it.
I DESERVE a scholarship and i WILL earn it.
I DESERVE a good relationship and i WILL earn it.
I DESERVE a healthy life and i WILL earn it.
someday i`ll be good; someday.