i speak to you in riddles, cause my words get in my way

[psychadelic_]

fuck... i know you never read these stupid things, and yeah i`m doing it anyway. i know that i made this MASSIVE mistake but i want to try again... maybe i don`t deserve your sympathy and your kindness. maybe that`s all i need... Either way i wish that i could have made better choices; even with the consequences that have made this day horrible i can not imagine life in any other focus. Today i found a huge tare in the elbow of my sweater... metaphors are easy to find when they`re all i`m choaking on. I`m trying to pay attentnion but the stupid words always dissipear; then i`m left with my guilt. I`m making it seem like i`ve killed your family, or i`ve stloen all of the love from your life, i know nothing more than the little words and stares we share... they`re cheap and cold compared to what they once were. I miss our LONG LOUD laughs, the way you made me feel like i was making a difference in life... fuck i`m such an idiot... At this point i feel like a terrible person, i know i`ll do the right thing if the right thing isin`t here... i want you to be happy... i want US to be happy, i want you to be able to say hi to me without feeling upset or filled with this burden of anxiety or insecurity.. You`ve probably thought many things like "what has she done, what the fuck is her problem, why is she doing this..." if you can answer these questions i give you credit, bcause i honestly can not without being a hypocrite. I can not tell you WHY i did the things that happened, i can not say that i regret them, fuck, maybe if i DIDN`T DO the things that have happened living would be different. Would it be easier or would be care enough to keep in touch? FUCK I DON`T KNOW! i just want to help but i make things worse... turn it up... are we breaking up like the febric on my clothing? I`ve patched it so many times and yet they`re still my favorite attire... this NEEDS TO BE SOLVED... i was never a good friend... what more can i say? I adore you anyway... I hope you miss me because this is making me sick...








awh.. son of a bitch