My critique on How to Break Your Addiction to a Person by Howard M. Halpern
I think one of the first things I disagreed with in his book is that he says that "anxiety is always better than depression". And I know another problem with this statement is that he's implying that anxiety and depression are always separate, but as I have learned from others, that is not always the case. I would like to say, as someone who used to struggle with severe anxiety and panic attacks, anxiety is NOT always better than depression, depending on how severe the anxiety is and how severe the depression is. If your anxiety is as severe as mine was where you can't function, can't eat, can't sleep, and even throw up at times, then I would say that depression might be a relief because it usually at least calms you down, even though it might be painful. Because I have had both severe depression and severe anxiety in two different times in my life, and I have to say, if you have both at the same time, both are equally unbearable. But if I had to choose between each of them, I would prefer depression because the panic attacks would get so severe that they were PHYSICALLY so painful in my body in staying up all night and puking and aching, that I would beg to go to the hospital that would end up with too many big bills to pay just for me to get through each day. And this was even with anxiety medication and therapy. Anyway, I think Halpern should understand that anxiety is not always the best thing for someone depending on how severe it is. But in the context of this book where he's trying to make you face your anxiety by breaking up with someone, I can see his point in why anxiety would be better than depression. I think what he should have mentioned is that in severe cases, some people need to just go to a psych ward or a treatment center to deal with their anxiety instead of just relying on outpatient treatment because not all types of anxieties are doable to face just with friends and a therapist.
Another thing I disagree with him on is that he says to challenge beliefs such as "nobody really cares" and "everybody is only out for himself". Now I can see why he wants his patients to challenge these beliefs because most likely not EVERY SINGLE PERSON in your life doesn't care or is narcissistic/selfish or whatever. But what I would like to point out to Halpern is that in some instances, these beliefs REALLY CAN be true. For example, when I was in the treatment center I went to (Hanbleceya) I met someone who was the epitome of what therapists would think is a "lost cause." He was a very troubled young man who had a bad record with breaking the law and had been diagnosed with autism. As I got to know him, I could see that in HIS life, NOBODY really cared about him. Literally almost all the other patients there made fun of him behind his back and all the therapists/psychiatrists working there were pretty self-centered and just looking for their next paycheck. He even told me that his family won't talk to him anymore, and he's been kicked out of the treatment center several times, so it seemed that everybody that knew him couldn't even trust him or understand him. In addition, I do think that not necessarily EVERYONE is only out for himself, as Halpern says. But he fails to mention that in our society these days with our culture in the United States, everybody is pretty much taught to be self-centered ALL THE TIME. I saw blatant examples of this on a Dr. Phil show called "Generation Me" about tons of young kids that are so lazy, selfish, and basically mooch off other people. These kids were EXTREMELY self-centered, and not only that, but I've seen people like that in other generations as well. I know that I'm not a self-centered person, but I also know that finding people like me is very RARE these days. So I just think he should have mentioned that.
Another thing I disagree with him on is that he says to challenge beliefs such as "nobody really cares" and "everybody is only out for himself". Now I can see why he wants his patients to challenge these beliefs because most likely not EVERY SINGLE PERSON in your life doesn't care or is narcissistic/selfish or whatever. But what I would like to point out to Halpern is that in some instances, these beliefs REALLY CAN be true. For example, when I was in the treatment center I went to (Hanbleceya) I met someone who was the epitome of what therapists would think is a "lost cause." He was a very troubled young man who had a bad record with breaking the law and had been diagnosed with autism. As I got to know him, I could see that in HIS life, NOBODY really cared about him. Literally almost all the other patients there made fun of him behind his back and all the therapists/psychiatrists working there were pretty self-centered and just looking for their next paycheck. He even told me that his family won't talk to him anymore, and he's been kicked out of the treatment center several times, so it seemed that everybody that knew him couldn't even trust him or understand him. In addition, I do think that not necessarily EVERYONE is only out for himself, as Halpern says. But he fails to mention that in our society these days with our culture in the United States, everybody is pretty much taught to be self-centered ALL THE TIME. I saw blatant examples of this on a Dr. Phil show called "Generation Me" about tons of young kids that are so lazy, selfish, and basically mooch off other people. These kids were EXTREMELY self-centered, and not only that, but I've seen people like that in other generations as well. I know that I'm not a self-centered person, but I also know that finding people like me is very RARE these days. So I just think he should have mentioned that.